(Closed) I’m not being selfish, am I??

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Girl you are in a shitty spot. I get the feeling that they really do expect you to step into his mother’s shoes and take care of him just so.

I think you need to speak with him on neutral grounds about how things will be when you move in. Do you have any pre-marriage counseling or anything like that to do? I really think that you both need to have the same expectations for how this will go, It should be about joing the two lives, not you stepping into his.

Post # 4
2260 posts
Buzzing bee

Do you live on your own now? Cause if you do, may I suggest that you guys temporary move in together at your place, so that way you can make new routines together, without any (un)helpful advice from his mom? Then so we you two do move in together, its much less of a shock.

Post # 7
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

@penguinsaremyfriends: I agree with what she said. And, I think working on that workbook with him will help. He needs to realize that you both need to make changes, not just you filling his moms shoes. I would just listen to what his mom says, but ultimately, you and Fi will need to make choices on how things work for the both of you. Things are always evolving in our relationship, I work for myself now so I have more control over my schedule, hubs took on more responsibility at work which means longer hours at times. We are always having to make changes to accomodate the other one, especially with having pets at home that need attention. As long as you both are willing to make changes, you will make it work. Now, its just a matter of getting her out of the house!!! I hope you aren’t planning on moving in while she is still there…

Also, have you discussed boundaries with your Fiance in regards to his mom? I just worry that she will still think she has free reign since you are moving into her house, and that will cause a lot of issues once you move in

Post # 9
3367 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I just wanted to throw this out there… I would feel the same as you in that situation.  But not being in it, I see it being a good thing, in the long run.  At first, it’s going to be frustrating to not feel like your home is yours… but… I wish I’d gotten such detailed help when I was setting-up a home the first time!  You’ll be able to modify to what works for you later on.  Just think of it as starting point and keep some humor (and appreciation) towards Future Mother-In-Law.  She’ll love you all the more for valuing her wisdom, so to speak.  So many young women aren’t shown anything at all in today’s world and I see it as being really positive.  Really annoying at first!  But positive in the long run.

If she keeps coming over every day and criticizing you… well, that’s another story all together~ but I kinda doubt it’s going to be that way.

Post # 11
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Nope you’re not selfish. Know that by agreeing to move in, means accepting this. If you don’t want it to be like this you need to iron it out before hand.

I’m most certain there’s going to be no compramise and you moving in means you… moving into their life, not starting a new one together.

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