(Closed) I’m not even sure how to deal with this (LONG)

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Ugh, what a tough situation! Sounds like she has a lot of unmet expectations, and unfair ones at that!

I would just reiterate to her that it means so so so much that she was willing to stand up with you, and how excited you are that she will still get ready with you. And then I would say something like, “I know it seems weird that Fiance has two people standing up with him, and I only have one, but I absolutely could never choose between my two best friends and my SIL, so we figured it would best if I just had my brother.”

Could you include her in the wedding planning in other ways? Ask her to help with something so she feels needed/wanted/useful? Not like sing a song, but like … pick out napkin folds or something.

Post # 5
Member
19 posts
Newbee

it’s your wedding…not hers

Post # 7
Member
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I don’t think that just because you were in her wedding it means she automatically has to be in yours.  I know that’s not her only reason that she wants to be up there, and that it has more to do with her feeling close to you.  I think with time she will get used to the idea a bit more, and realize that this is your wedding and it’s not about her.  Since you said you offered to help her find something to wear so that she matches, maybe try finding her a dress that looks “bridesmaid-ish” even though she will be sitting during the ceremony.  At least that way afterwards when you take pictures it will look like she is more included.  And you other friends that were going to be bridesmaids could also wear something that matches.  The dresses don’t all have to be the same color, you could even try a detail in their hair, or flowers, or whatever, just so that the don’t feel any less special.

Post # 8
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Maybe you could throw in a “I also so, so, so appreciate how well you took the change. I’ve heard too many horror stories about drama surrounding stuff like this, and I don’t think I could handle that around our wedding.” when you talk to her, for good measure 🙂

Post # 10
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I don’t know what kind of ceremony you’re having so please bear with me. 

If you’re doing a traditional religious ceremony, can you have her do a reading?  If it’s not religious, could you have her read some “inspirational” words from literature re. marriage?  Maybe something from Shakespeare? 

If you feel that the other two who accepted being tossed out of the wedding might be ticked if this one is getting to do something special, could you somehow include all three in the wedding?  Maybe have each girl represent someone who you wished were at the wedding but couldn’t be there?  They could each light a candle to represent those people:  ie: a candle for deceased family members on your side, a candle for deceased family members on his side, and a candle for people who couldn’t travel the distance to the wedding.  That way, maybe the one girl wouldn’t feel so put off by not being in the wedding.  You could have the girls walk the aisel before the bridesmaids and then just stay seated during the ceremony. 

FBIL’s wife is going to be part of your new family.  I might even just suck it up and let her be in it to keep peace. 

 

Post # 12
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Well, what about the candle thing then? 

Post # 14
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

OK!  Good luck!

Post # 15
Member
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I think you are right.  It could be something that she was venting to her SO who then relayed the info on to your Fiance.  She really may not be that upset about it. 

Maybe talk to her again to make sure she understands but I think you should be fine.  

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