Post # 1
As of last week I finally though my Boyfriend or Best Friend and I had reached the point I had been waiting to reach. We talked about finally making more concrete plans for a life together. We talked about e-rings. We talked about how lucky we were to have each other and that things were as they should be.
Saturday night he walked out on me and I have not heard from him since. We had a good night friday night and also saturday during the day. All was going well. Then we started talking about some of the things (little things) that would still need some work in our relationship. At some point in the conversation he blurted out that he felt as though nothing he ever did was enough for me. That was not the case and I told him so. I had been in the middle of doing my hair and I said ok well lets just have a good night, lets walk away from this convo and enjoy each other tonight and talk more when we have given things more thought. He agreed and I went and curled another section of my hair. I walked back into the room where he was and I seen that he had put all of his things into his over night bag. I asked why and he said that he was going to leave (we had plans to go to a themed bday party that we were actually semi hostingplanning for months). I told him that was silly and he agreed and just said he had a moment of frustration. When i went back into the bathroom to do my hair I left the door open. I saw him walk past but thought he was going to go outside and smoke a cigarette. Idk what made me do this but i went and checked right away to see if his over night bag was gone. it was. I looked out my front window and he was getting in his truck to leave. he did not say anything at all. no goodbye no nothing. I called him to find out what was going on and he said he just didnt know what to do so he left. He said he did not want to spend the night arguing, but to my knowledge I thought we had calmed down and let it go for the night. And to be honest we did not even argue. It was more a discussion and it was very very calm and everything. I asked him to please come back because I did not want the night to go this way. I really felt ridiculous at this point for not realizing that something was so wrong that he would just walk out. There I was half dressed in a red queen costume (it was an alice in wonderland themed party) with my hair half curled, tears running down my face sobbing into the phone asking what the hell had just happened. We talked for a few more minutes and he basically refused to come back even after I told him that if he did not come back to talk this out and make this right (who just walks out like that?!) that I was going to be extremely hurt. He still said no. we broke up at that point. yep just like that. we hung up and although I have texted him a couple times he has not spoken to me or contacted me at all since that night.
This was the man I thought I would marry. I have no idea what went wrong because literally days before this we were both completely over the moon. Things were perfect. And now they are over. I just do not understand and when people ask me what happened or why things might have been this way I really am at a loss. I just do not know. I do not understand. I do not know if ill ever get any answers because he really has just ignored me since that night. I could think of a million of the worst case scenarios so Im not really asking for guesses as to what could be the cause I think I just need some support. I need to not feel like im alone in my own headheart with my thoughts. Im a very hurt bee at the moment…..
Post # 3
I am so sorry that this happened to you. Lean on your friends and family during this time. Hang in there…
Post # 4
I’m so sorry. This seems like a really harsh reaction to something that, at least from your description, sounded really tame. I wonder if maybe the conversation of getting married scared him a bit. What was your argument/discussion about. Could something have just triggered a nerve with him?
Again I’m very sorry that you are going through this. I hope that he will at least come to a point where he is willing to explain himself.
Post # 5
Stardust – oh my gosh, i’m so sorry! i don’t really know what to say, cept, hang in there girl! if i were you, i would try and focus on other things, and hope that he at least has the decency to come back and talk to you about things! i assume since you said “overnight bag” that you two live together? i mean, won’t he have to come back at some point to get his other things? i mean, he can’t just leave it like that!
are you close with any of his family members or friends? is there anyone you can contact to see what happened or where he is?
i’m sorry i don’t really have better advice, but we’re here for you!
Post # 6
I’m sorry this has happened to you!! It must be heartbreaking, especially being so sudden.
Obviously there was more going on underneath than what you were able to see. I also have to say that I don’t think your guy is handling whatever issue he has very maturely.
So, stop trying to contact him, go on with your business and life and wait for him to make a move. He will come back to you to either finalize the breakup, or he will come back to patch things up. Either way, ball is in his court and you have to wait for him to serve.
Feel free to say you don’t understand, you don’t have the answers. He just…walked out and doesn’t have the decency to tell you why.
I hope you deal with this ok. Breakups are horrible and I’m sorry you everything just shattered.
Post # 7
that’s really awful. how long were you together? maybe he can be coaxed into couples counceling? I’m so sorry this happened.
Post # 8
@morkiemama: no we do not live together. He works midnights and I work days so we only get to see each other on weekends so he usually would pack a bag and come out friday afternoon and stay til sunday. He lives about 30 min away from me. I have thought about going to his place and demanding answers but Im just not the type to embarrass myself like that. I am stuck just kind of waiting and hoping he decides to come talk to me and give me a bit of closure or some kind of explanation.
Post # 9
YOU’LL BE ALRIGHT! You seem like a VERY strong girl. Sometimes the constant reminder of your future will push the guy you want to marry even further away. If this happens (and he doesn’t come back to you) than he is NOT the right guy.
My ex was like this with me. I gave him “everything” and thought I would be with him forever. The more I pushed about marriage and moving in together, (even though I thought he was on the same page )the further he got from me…until he ended up cheating on me with another girl who he later married. I didn’t find that out until after we broke up randomly. NoBODY saw it coming…but I knew that if he didn’t fight for me…he wasn’t the RIGHT one & did not talk to him again.
All I can say is that you did not do anything wrong. The right guy, the strong man you want to marry, will fight for you and not leave. If the going gets tough and he leaves, who knows when he will leave in the future. He may get over this and come back… and if he does, you should sit down and have a real conversation with him about leaving and how much that hurt you. Get his promise that he won’t run again.
Hugs. Im sorry dear. Keep your chin up, you’re a BEAUTIFUL and warm-hearted woman.
Post # 10
stardust – whoops! in that case, i would wait for him to come to you. if you feel like you would be embarassed demanding answers, than don’t do it! wait for him, and if he doesn’t come to you, then you have your answer…and he would have proven what a jerk he is! you deserve better than that, and a more mature individual. hugs!
Post # 11
Go get your answers! I let my last ex just disappear from my life like that, thinking it was the more dignified thing to do, and I regret it to this day. How DARE he leave without a single word of explanation to you? You don’t have to go over there and make it a marathon crying session, but you DESERVE a reply and you should DEMAND one. F him. Srsly.
Post # 12
thank you for all the kind words. I go back and forth between being really hurt and crying to being really angry and frustrated. I feel ok sometimes and I convince myself that there were so many things that he was lacking that I just sort of went without because I loved him. I realized so much since I have been thinking about our situation and I realize more and more that while I loved him I had become blind to all the ways that he was wrong for me. See the thing is, he was the extreme opposite of my sons father and since that had failed int eh worst way possible I was convinced this last one was exactlyw hat I needed since he was so far from who my sons father was. It was true he had lots of qualities I thought I wanted but there was still so much missing. I am getting to the point where I just want to let it burn for a while and move on. Even if he came back and apologized I just would nto trust him. I have fought very hard to keep my ability to trust even through my failed relationships. I will not become a jaded person. However, I do know that once I lose trust in someone it is damn near impossible for me to get it back and even if i do it will not be the same. I refuse to stay in that kind of situation and he lost my trust on saturday. My security in him was taken away completely by his complete disregard for my feelings. so it hurts and i wish it hadnt happened but im just trying to get thorugh the initial hurt so I can move forward.
Post # 13
YOU ARE WISE GIRL! 🙂 If you need anything, let us know!
Post # 14
@stardustintheeyes: Some men just need to be alone to cool down and think things over and just get more upset when they feel pressured to just let it go. I’m not saying that you should accept his behavior and maybe he should have stayed and talked it out, but he realized that he needed to remove himself from the situation before he said or did anything rash.
I wouldn’t force him to talk or give him any more ultimatiums. Maybe just send him a message telling him that while you don’t understand why he is needing space right now, you respect it and want to talk whenever he has a clear head.
Post # 15
That hurt is probably going to take awhile. More than usually because of the shock that is involved as well.
Feel free to ask for support here.
In good news, you have a good excuse for the post relationship makeover. All though, it doesn’t look like you need it judging from your avatar picture. 😉
Post # 16
- Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ
@Miss Tattoo: Totally agree. If you really want to be with him, email or leave a message telling him how you feel, but give him space to decide. Whatever happens will be for the best. 🙂