I'm not excited at all about my wedding!

posted 11 months ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
878 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Hi Bee,

Just wanted to drop by and say I’m sorry you are feeling so stressed about everything. 

You say you’ve never wanted a wedding but you don’t say if you want to be married, so my answer is assuming that you want the marriage but not the elaborate ceremony. 

It’s good that your husband to be is taking the majority of the organising stress away from you, however, does he know how you feel about the wedding itself? Have you sat down and spoken to him about all the worries you have? 

Is there any particular reason youve never wanted a walk-down-the-aisle wedding? (This is a completely valid feeling and view by the way, but it sounds like you want to get excited for the wedding, so I’m trying to unpick anything to try and get you excited, if possible). 

Also, a wedding without your daughter? That sounds really tough Bee and I’m not surprised you would be sad about that. Is there a way to sort the passport out or to postpone the wedding so she can come? 

Post # 3
Member
1296 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

In this case, I’d get married somewhere low-key where you feel comfortable and just get it out of the way. Then go along with the big family thing they want. They don’t need to know. Your wedding should be special to you, not just a circus you go along with. Normally, I wouldn’t recommend it because it’s dishonest, but being forced into a wedding you don’t want is equally as shitty.

Post # 6
Member
4112 posts
Honey bee

I’m confused about two things.

1. Why can’t both of your parents come?  Is it because one has to care for your daughter?  Is there a reason your daughter can’t stay with her dad that week? He is involved enough to be making passport decisions.  Is there no one else your daughter can stay with?  Aunt or uncle? Grandparents on her dad’s side?  Trusted family friend?  

2.  Is your mother physically or mentally ill that she isn’t able to fly back home by herself after the wedding?  I don’t understand why she would be stuck in South Korea by herself.  Couldn’t she get on a plane home the same time you and your husband get on a plane for your honeymoon?  Also, plenty of people take delayed honeymoons.  You and your husband could fly back home with your mom immediately after the wedding and leave for your honeymoon from there or just take one in a few months at a more convenient time.  A honeymoon is basically just a vacation by another name.

As for your daughter, have you considered getting a tablet and having her Skype in for the ceremony?  The time zone difference will be considerable, but not impossible for a one off event like this.

Post # 8
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee

Hi bee. I’m so sorry you’re feeling so down about your wedding. With all the different circumstances though, it’s totally understandable.

I just wanted to second a PP’s idea – my best friend is living o/s at the moment and missed her sister’s wedding, so we just had someone hold a tablet up showing the whole ceremony to her via Skype – this could be a great way for your daughter to feel involved! 

Post # 9
Member
209 posts
Helper bee

We were going to go to court here but since he comes to the states for work months at a time it would look bad to get married, so we can’t.

I’m not sure I understand why you can’t get married in the US? It seems like you have very valid reasons. Have you asked your Fiance if he would consider it, and have his family travel instead since yours can’t? If this is something you have already discussed and you’ve made your peace with it, I’m sorry and perhaps you can have a party or some sort of ceremony when you are both back in the US.

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