Post # 1
Help! I got engaged a month ago and still haven’t fallen in love with my ring. It’s just not me or my style, its yellow gold with an emerald-cut emerald and small diamonds on either side. He had sort of been asking me a few months ago how I felt about yellow gold vs white gold vs silver etc. and I told him I didn’t like yellow gold, just feels antiquated and not my style. I don’t have any other gold jewelry. It’s also set really high and is kind of big, I’m just more of a simple person, never wanted a huge rock or anything because I know I’ll bang it on everything, which I have been doing a lot to in in the last month.
The problem is, it’s his moms ring, and his family is “so happy I have it and love it!!!” We’ve talked about how it just doesn’t feel like me and my style, doesn’t go with anything I wear etc. He loves that its unique and thinks it fits me really well but I don’t feel that way and he was really hurt when we talked. I promised to try to give it some time but I like it less and less everyday.
I feel really guilty and don’t want to be whiny and needy about the right ring. But on the other hand I’m supposed to wear it everyday for the rest of my life and it just isn’t me (both the yellow gold, and the emerald).
Anyone else gone through something similar and have some good advice on how to talk to my fiance about it?
Post # 2
junefly2236 : I’m so sorry you dont love your ring 🙁 it sounds pretty but if it’s not your style then that’s hard to move on from. Do you hate the emerald shape? I would wonder if you both could compromise and get it put into a new setting, maybe one that isn’t so high? I think any time you have to discuss this with SOs it’s hard, I feel like they put lot of thought into these things and sometimes it just misses the mark.
Post # 3
We need to see a picture!!!
Post # 4
emeralds are relatively soft stones, not ideal for every day wear (especially if you are rough!). There are not a ton of ways around this without hurt feelings, but this is what *I* would do:
Talk to Fiance. Tell him you want your own ring (more simple, your style, etc) but you don’t want to hurt his family. He will be hurt, but you should be able to talk about this sort of stuff with the person you are going to marry. If is family asks, I would say you’ve noticed some scratches on the ring and don’t want to wear it every day if it is going to ruin it. Keep it for special occasions.
Post # 5
What it’s look like ? I think in this case since it’s not your style, you wouldn’t be wrong in asking for a simpler ring. What about wearing just a simple sterling silver ring until you either get used to the ering or get another one? The fact that it’s yellow gold and you don’t like that and the shape of the stone is bothering you as well, I would wear it for a bit longer and then raise the topic back up to your husband and see what he thinks.
Post # 6
winewithwedding: Thanks so much, yeah unfortunatley I don’t really like the emerald in general. I just don’t wear a lot of green so I feel like it sticks out like a sore-thumb on my hand.
lulubelle: here you go. I do think its a really pretty ring, just not my style. I’m much more of a simple band of small diamond-like stones (moissanite etc.) type person.
Post # 7
Sorry Bee! It is a difficult territory to maneuver… How would you feel about resetting it into a lower and simpler white gold setting, and wear it at least as a RHR? Or is the stone a no-go?
You could use the little diamonds for your wedding band.
Post # 8
I think it’s gorgeous and love it.. but that doesn’t really matter becuase it needs to be on your finger.
Can you just not wear it after the wedding? Plenty of people only wear their wedding bands, and nowaday bands can be pretty darn blingy.
Post # 9
Can you wear it as a RHR and pick out something for yourself with your fiancé?
Post # 10
I agree that wearing it as a RHR might be the best option, and if you don’t want to wear it all the time, wear it on special occassions or only when you go to see his family. That way, the ring is still being used and valued, but you still get to have what you want for your engagement ring.
It’s hard to suggest to reset the ring, because I feel like you never know how the family might react to that… That’s kind of the tough thing about heirlooms.
Post # 11
It is a very pretty ring. However, I think you should get a ring that is your style and something you love. I would tell your Fiance that emeralds are too soft and therefore are not suggested to be for everyday wear. It will get scratched and possibly broken if worn all the time. You could tell him and his family that you think the ring should be taken care of and just worn on special occasions.
I personally love emeralds. Green is my favorite color. However, I wouldn’t have one as an e-ring because the stone is too soft.
Post # 12
This is the way I explained to my husband why I’d like to help choose the ring – I told him that had I wanted to buy him an expensive watch (and that’s something he was thinking about for a while now) I wouldn’t just buy it without consulting him because he might like something completely different and since it’s an expensive gift and something he would wear every day it just makes sense that he would choose what he likes… he agreed.
And that’s how I’d approach it with your fiance – I’d tell him that his mum’s ring is beautiful but just not your style and you prefer something simpler. I’d then tell him that it’s the same as if had wanted to get an expensive watch and you would have given him your dad’s old vintage watch – maybe a very expensive vintage watch but not necessarily the style he would have picked for himself – and he would have been expected to wear it every day…
Perhaps you can wear his mum’s ring occasionally but for everyday use you can both pick something simpler that you both would love.
Post # 13
I would play up the fear of durability since you’ve already been rough on it. Perhaps he would agree to a more durable “everyday ring” as a stand-in and wearing your “good ring” (aka his mom’s) on special occasions?
Post # 14
junefly2236 : Now that I’ve seen it I don’t think resetting it would have helped much anyway. I agree with pps and say that you don’t think wearing an emerald everyday with your lifestyle is wise. You may want to suggest a diamond or moissanite for their durability to keep him on the right track of what is your style.
I think also letting him know that you truly love him and his family and you are so gracious that they wanted you to have this family ring but you want to be able to wear your engagement ring without worrying something will happen to it.
Post # 15
Owch. While it’s a lovely ring, if it’s not to your taste, then it’s not to your taste.
Is his mother deceased?
Heirloom rings are very tricky. While there are some women who would be thrilled to wear Mom’s ring or Grandma’s ring, there is probably an equal amount of women who would hate it.
I think it’s worth discussing why are you so upset that I don’t like this ring? Not liking a ring doesn’t mean I dislike your mother or your family. It’s just not my style.
Just because his mum wore it doesn’t mean you were guaranteed to love it. Some people like diamonds, some like emeralds or other coloured gemstones. Some like white gold, some like rose gold. Liking one metal and stone over another has zero to do with emotions.