I'm not falling in love with my engagement ring, but its his moms.

posted 2 years ago in Rings
Post # 16
Member
2325 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Ruby Princess

It’s not even a very nice emerald. very flat. i’m sorry, bee. you’re gonna have to pick your own ring. wear the emerald when you’re around his family, maybe?

Post # 17
Member
3673 posts
Sugar bee

junefly2236 :  Do you think your Fiance would be open to dipping the setting in white gold? You could also get a band you really love and primarily wear the band, since that seems to be more along the lines of what you would’ve liked to begin with. I love the suggestions of the bezel setting, but it’s tough when it’s a family ring and may cause issues.

Post # 18
Member
863 posts
Busy bee

junefly2236 :  I would get a second ring–you can definitely wear the Emerald to all family events and whatnot, but wear your second one most days. No one ever said you just have to have one 🙂 If anyone from his family finds out you have a second set or questions it, you can say something about the emerald being so special that you’re afraid to wear it every day. I think the emerald is very pretty, but I totally get what you mean. Heirloom rings are tricky. 

Post # 19
Member
6663 posts
Bee Keeper

An emerald is not an everyday stone–they are too fragile. Can you choose some beautiful bands for everyday and just pull this ring out for special occasions? 

Post # 21
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

junefly2236 :  it’s beautiful. Maybe compromise and get something more of your taste as a wedding ring. And once your married just wear that everyday and the engagment ring on special occasions only. Plenty of people dont wear their engagment rings everyday especially if it’s a family heirloom that’s at risk of damage.  For me if my hubs loved a ring that much and it was his moms that would make me love it to because it’s special even if it didn’t fit my particular taste. 

Post # 22
Member
625 posts
Busy bee

I feel like part of the problem some women have is that they don’t want the ring that “represents” their marriage to “represent” the mil. It’s just…it doesn’t feel special and unique between the two of you. Is that the problem, or you just don’t like the ring? I recommend you let him know you’d love to wear it as a rhr and get an e ring that is more your style. If he gets totally offended, I guess just stop wearing it once you get your band. That would be tough, but I’d def gently push to get my own e ring…not his moms ring.

Post # 23
Member
652 posts
Busy bee

junefly2236 :  It sounds like your Fiance knew this ring wasn’t your style and chose to propose with it anyway completely disregarding your feelings.  Saying it looks like you when you’ve expressed it’s not your style is manipulative AF.  I’m pissed on your behalf.

Express that you need your own engagement ring and even offer to pay for half of what you both decide is a reasonable budget.  Let him know you will no longer wear MIL’s ring except to events with his family.  You need to set hard boundaries and demand respect.  You don’t deserve for your feelings to be ignored and delegitimized by anyone especially your fiancé.  

Post # 24
Member
540 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2020 - New York, New York

Sure, they’re happy now, but his parents would be so upset if you destroyed the ring! If it were me, I would keep wearing the emerald ring during the engagement (shouldn’t be more than a couple years). Then, I would get a wedding band that’s more your style (maybe blingy) and wear the wedding band by itself and save the emerald ring for a RHR only on special occasions. However, if you have your heart set on wearing your engagement ring with your wedding band every day, then you need to talk to your Fiance about getting a low-profile ring with a durable stone that you won’t damage. 

Post # 25
Member
2414 posts
Buzzing bee

If his family loves the ring so much, maybe one of them would like to wear it?

my vote is to consult with a jeweler about the durability issue then loop in your Fiance.  Maybe the jeweler can explain it’s not a good choice for daily wear.  Would he be open to resetting moms ring as a pendant?  Then picking out a suitable ring you can wear daily.

 

Post # 26
Member
9595 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

An emerald in yellow gold is a really niche thing… not exactly a safe bet. I think it’s lame your Fiance ignored your preferences. I don’t blame you for having them. I would get a ring to your liking and wear the emerald as a RHR when you’re around his family. Cite the durability issue.

Post # 27
Member
571 posts
Busy bee

Just only wear the engagement ring for special occasions & wear your wedding band the rest of the time. Or get the ring dipped so it is white gold. 

Post # 28
Member
2414 posts
Buzzing bee

It breaks my heart to see suggestions on these types of threads to “compromise” by not wearing the ring e cep for special occasions or putting it away and not wearing it after the w doing.  It doesn’t seem very fair to not enjoy wearing your engagement ring for the rest of your life.  🙁

Post # 29
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee

I think it is so important to love your engagement ring- you’ll wear it all your life and it’s meant to represent your relationship. The yellow gold/emerald combo is beautiful, but isn’t for everyone- hopefully your fiancé can understand that. 

If you’ve said it isn’t you, then it isn’t and you deserve something that is. I know this can be a tricky conversation, but there is nothing wrong with you wanting something more suited to you. 

Post # 30
Member
457 posts
Helper bee

You can have the yellow gold rhodium plated I did this to my grandmas ring

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