(Closed) I’m not getting married anymore.

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
198 posts
Blushing bee

Are you two still going to date? 

Post # 5
Member
198 posts
Blushing bee

@SouthernGirl I’m sorry to hear the engagement caused so many problems.  I hope things get better for you two and that a wedding works itself out when the time is right.

Post # 7
Member
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Hi there,

In all honesty, although the issues you’ve mentioned sound stressful they do not sound like deal breakers. We all deal with uncertainty and changing life situations and planning a wedding is never smooth sailing, you’ll have to be prepared for family drama, date changes, vendors cancelling and so on.

But having said that, it’s really important that you listen to your gut feeling and if you spend your engagement crying something is definitely wrong! Feeling depressed after the propsoal is not right, sounds like you’re doing the right thing taking a time out, hopefully that will give you some distance and you’ll start to feel better. Whatever the problems are you shouldn’t be scared to face them up to them. Do you feel like you get any support from your fiance in this?

Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
1288 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Indiana Memorial Union

We waited two full years to get married. We were broke the first year we were engaged, so we worked on that situation first.

Everything you mentioned just kind of sound like typical roadblocks for couples. Setting a date can be challenging when there’s uncertainty about school and jobs. I know it can be frustrating to feel like the date is never going to happen, but eventually you set a date and things work. Really.

Post # 9
Member
2321 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Oh my gosh, I am SO SORRY to hear that you weren’t happy post-engagement. What a painful feeling.

I hope things work out for you.

I also get the sense that the graduation date and your parents insecurities about you two is really not the reason that you want to call off the engagement. (These are just some of the ‘normal’ wedding related issues that most people go through.) Is there something you are not telling us?

Post # 10
Member
7759 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

I canceled our wedding about 6 yrs ago.  No outside influences, I just didn’t wanna.  It didn’t feel right.

FH stuck around through it all–never pressured me.  He told me recently he always believed it would happen someday.

Someday is tomorrow.

Post # 12
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

No, that’s a good thing you recognized that he’s just not ready.  A boy can’y marry a woman until he leaves his mom.  I find the Oedipus thing sad.

Post # 13
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@SouthernGirl:  You definitely don’t sound like a bitch or a brat.  You sound like someone who expected this time to be full of support, planning, parties, love and good times and has been really disappointed.   I’m really sorry that this is happening.

To be honest, it really sounds like a lot more is going on here.  Like Ribbons said, if you were both working towards solid goals with an end time (like, we’re going to save $10000 or graduate next summer) then things would be different and you might be okay with the length of the engagement.  I think that (from what you’re saying) it sounds like your timelines may differ from you FH’s and that he’s also one of those “it will happen…at some point….maybe” kind of people.  I think that you both need to get on the same page.  I think that it’s completely fair to not want a long engagement because (especially in this case) what you’re seeing is a lack of motivation from him to actually follow through.  Some guys are like this…and it’s not because they don’t care…it’s just that they don’t see why things have to be completely planned.  I’m marrying into a family like this and I come from an uber it’s “5 months to Christmas, let’s talk about dinner and plan next summer” kind of family.  Very tricky to mesh the two.

I think that you’re making the right choice to step back for a bit.  I’m sorry…this must be so difficult.

Post # 16
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Wow, that’s really terrible that your friends have been so unsupportive. I don’t think you sound like a bitch or a brat at all. From what you’ve told us here, I think you sound very reasonable and mature. I think calling off the engagement was the right thing to do for now, and I hope things get better in the future.

I can empathize too, about him not being able to make his own decisions. I dated a momma’s boy once and lord, never again. You’re both still quite young, so hopefully this is something he’ll grow out of. It takes some guys a bit of time to cut the cord, but eventually they grow up to be their own person. Sadly though, some never do.

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