Post # 1
I thought I wouldn’t really care about this. But now I’ve been invited to my cousin’s bridal shower, and I’m sort of jealous that I’m not having one. My Maid/Matron of Honor is my sister and she’s a broke college student, and the rest of my bridesmaids live on the east coast (and are also broke). My mom told me at one point that she felt like the bridal shower and bachelorette party are interchangeable, and I AM having a bachelorette party. Do you guys think that’s true?
We also didn’t have an engagement party. I’m just excited about getting married, but I am a little sad that I’m missing out on all of the build-up events. I don’t want to seem selfish, I know nobody in my family is in a good place right not with the recession and whatnot, but still…
Post # 3
I am sort of sad that I didn’t have a shower either but it wasn’t feasible. I doubt that anyone is going to travel for one and in these times, buying on gift can be a stretch for some people.
Post # 4
Thanks, MissAsB. It’s nice to know that someone else is skipping out on that one.
Post # 5
I also am not having a bridal shower–well not that I know of.. My bachelorette party is also up in the air as money is tight and I would have to fly from SC to WI to attend…While I would like to have one, I just don’t think I’d be able to get everyone together/affort it.
Post # 6
You could always hint or tell your Maid/Matron of Honor that you want one, but not have it be a gift grab. Maybe just a small brunch or tea or something, and you can be “Showered” with advice and love. Takes the pressure off..
Post # 7
@ Melissabegins — a nice idea! My sister isn’t much of a party hostess on any level though, she delegated the bachelorette party to the other bridesmaids. Perhaps I’ll just throw tradition to the wind and throw my own darn shower.
Post # 8
I’m not having a shower either. My bridesmaids all live in different states, as do all of my female relatives and anyone else I would want to have at my shower, save for my mom. My grandmothers and Maid/Matron of Honor are throwing me a bridal luncheon the day before the wedding, which I suppose will double as my shower? It sucks for me too when I think about it, but it’s just not feasible for me to have a traditional shower.
Post # 9
I never had one. I think that people will either give gifts at a shower OR the wedding. Since I was having a Destination Wedding, and since I don’t live anywhere near ANY family or friends, it just wasn’t possible to have a shower.
Post # 10
I would be hurt, too, because I think it’s more than just receiving presents. It’s a more intimate gathering for the ladies of the family and close friends and it would upset me if no one was hosting one. IN the grand scheme of things is it THAT important, no but it’s still special for the bride. I know it goes against etiquette but would your mom or someone like that be willing to throw you one for the ladies of your family or people that live closeby?
Also, I don’t think it’s interchangeable with the bachelorette party because they are 2 completely different events. Maybe you should talk more to your mom and see what you can figure out.
Post # 11
I didn’t have an engagement party and, unless they’re a surprise (which I’m doubting) I don’t think I’m having a bachelorette party or a bridal shower. My BMs are all broke/busy college students who are writing their thesises… and my family is on the other side of the country. We are, however, having two wedding receptions. I am a bit sad that I don’t get to participate in these fun pre-parties… I understand why I’m not able to have them.
Post # 12
I think the interchange-ability of the Bach & Shower depend on the invite list. I’m combining my Bach-Party & Shower b/c 80% of my guest list are Out of Town, so the two parties would only have a 2 person difference (Shower would be 8 people, the Bach-Party would be 5, sans my mom & older cousin & her best friend).
In the details, traditionally the Shower WAS the bridal version of the Bachelor Party – the groom had a last ditch party to say good-bye to his single life (when the vast majority of grooms were some what older than their brides), while the bride’s family & future family (& married friends) would shower her with gifts that she would “need” in her married life (when the vast majority of brides moved smoothly from their parents’ home into their older groom’s home).
But now that some brides live on their own before marrying, grooms & brides sometimes are similar in age (& therefore similar in single experience), & brides have asserted their “right” to a last ditch party of their own, some people see the parties as interchangeable (not in feeling, but as a pre-party experience). However, the traditional style & purpose of the two parties are VERY different – Showers tend to be family-like affairs in which women of all generations shower the bride with love, gifts, & advice for her married life; while Bach-Parties tend to be a Girls’ Night Out party version of the Bachelor Party (some brides might not want Grandma at their Bachelorette Party).
I say, if money is an issue (or as you said, your Maid/Matron of Honor doesn’t really want to throw parties), decide which kind of party you want MORE & make that clear to your party hosts. For me, at my stage in life – where most of my friends are mothers, & I find clubbing less enjoyable than I used to – I’m leaning more towards a shower-type party that my mom, older cousin, & mom-friends can all happily participate in.
Post # 13
I think a shower’s important because my bridesmaids all got a chance to know each other better and my mother-on-law to be got to meet my family and friends. You don’t have to have gifts or everyone can bring a recipe or a Christmas ornament. Those things aren’t inexpensive and the point is to get to share this time with the imporant women in your life.
Post # 14
Bridal showers really don’t have to be elaborate at all. The people you invite are your closest girl friends, so it’s not like you have to impress them with a grand event. I think as long as your BM’s are actually hosting the party, it doesn’t really matter who pays for it. Even then, it doesn’t take much to throw a decent shower.
Some inexpensive invitations from Michael’s and a cold sandwich buffet are fine. They can hold the party at your mom’s house, which isn’t considered tacky if they’re still the ones hosting it. Decorations are not required. Games are free: have the guests break into groups, choose one to be the “model” and decorate her with a toilet paper wedding dress. Have them fill in a blank bingo card with gifts they think you’ll get, and X them off as you open your gifts, with the first person to say “bingo” getting a little prize.
Bridal showers and bacchelorette parties are NOT interchangeable. You wouldn’t invite your grandma to your bacchelorette party. You wouldn’t have a few drinks at your bridal shower. Well… maybe not…
Post # 15
Well, I might invite MY grandma to a bachelorette party…
Post # 16
I guess it depends on what kind of bachelorette party you’re having <wink>.