(Closed) I'm not invited to FI's cousin's wedding…and he lied to me about it.

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
2729 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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Boomerang:  Ouch… I’d be really mad if my Fiance lied to me like that. Likely, it wasn’t so he could go without you but to spare your feelings – it was still a crappy thing for him to do. Especially being 45 and engaged, it’s incredibly immature and selfish to lie to your future spouse.

Now, for the cousin. First of all, there could be a million reasons you weren’t invited. It may not even be personal. Maybe they couldn’t afford to give out +1’s, maybe they want a small/intimate ceremony with only close family and friends. How well do you know this cousin? Maybe because of your disability, they assumed you wouldn’t come anyway since you didn’t come to the last wedding and they didn’t want to make you feel bad for having to decline. Just take a quick peek around these boards and you’ll see plenty of threads about brides not inviting certain people for all sorts of different reasons so don’t immediately assume they don’t care about you.

ETA: Question, would you have attended this wedding if you were invited?

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 6 months ago by SoonAsYouCan.
Post # 4
Member
2543 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Together 6.5 years, engaged for five. It is rude for them to not invite you, even if they knew you couldn’t/wouldn’t go. Are there more details from the previous wedding that you missed that could help us out here? Why would you be punished for being sick? Why would they take it personally? Not that I’m accusing, just interested in background. 

Post # 5
Member
4036 posts
Honey bee

I want to add – why the hell does a 47 year old man let his parents give him grief about anything?

Post # 8
Member
2729 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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Boomerang:  Your Future Father-In-Law sounds a little whacky (I mean, who actually gets mad at someone for being ill?). Has your Fiance actually seen the invitation? I’d be suspicious that you were in fact invited but Future Father-In-Law (for whatever derranged reason) is claiming you weren’t.

 You say you are long distance so do you know this cousin at all? Not that it’s an excuse to exclude half an engaged couple from the guest list simply because you haven’t met BUT, if they did need to cut numbers for their budget, I can see the long distance-never met before-disabled-couldn’t attend the last wedding so probably won’t come to this wedding- guest as the one to cut. Again, not an excuse and still rude if that’s the case.

Post # 10
Member
2543 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Rude, rude, rude. Sorry, that’s all I can think when I read your posts. It really bothers me that your Fiance lets his parents treat him that way. I know that when you live with your parents you have to follow their rules but I couldn’t stand by my parents if they had zero respect for me. I’m surprised by your FI’s age…it definitely sounds like you are speaking of a young adult. 

Post # 11
Member
93 posts
Worker bee

Your FH has to take responsibility for his behavior.  He allows his parents to act this way.  He is a grown man and needs to act as such.  He has to stand up to his parents.

Post # 12
Member
2180 posts
Buzzing bee

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Boomerang:  Unless his job is being their full-time caretaker, I’m not sure why an employed middle aged adult is choosing to live with his parents ‘for work’ when they treat him and his fiancee so badly. Is he afraid they’ll be upset with him if he moves out? It’s also not okay that it’s easier for him to lie to you than possibly hurt your feelings with the truth and I’m glad you know that. 

RE: the cousin…I would bet your abusive Future Father-In-Law is pulling his reasoning right out of his ass just to be mean. Like a PP said, there’s a whole host of reasons you may not have been invited that are not to ‘punish’ you at all. 

Post # 13
Member
3679 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Of all the rudeness in this situation, I would be most upset about having a Fiance that won’t stick up for you. 

Post # 14
Member
1309 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

The wedding invitation (or non-invitation) is really the least of the issues here.  You’ve been engaged for 5 years and your very much adult fiance is still living with his parents and letting them push him around?  Is he making any progress toward getting out of the parents house and getting into a position where you can get married and live together?

Post # 15
Member
1351 posts
Bumble bee

“FI is not allowed to say no to attending.”

He’s 45. He can say no: “Sorry cousin, sorry parents, but I don’t feel comfortable attending a wedding without Boomerang – I would feel so awkward going stag when I’m engaged! Have a great time, we wish you all the best!” [Exit room/end call] Then send a card & gift from BOTH of you. If his parents get so pissed that they want to kick him out, well, he should get his own damn place. 

Alternatively, he can call his cousin and ask “Hey! I look forward to your wedding! Just to make sure – my FIANCÉE Boomerang is invited right?” Maybe it was a mistake, or maybe the cousin will realise how rude it was and extend an invitation to you.

If he attends without you… I would seriously question his commitment and loyalty… 

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