Post # 46
I’ve cut him some slack for 5 years, I feel I’ve been patient enough. If you had read my previous thread, I’ve already stated that he had the opportunity to clear a good part of it off 2 years ago…he decided a holiday was more important. I couldn’t tell him then – and I can’t tell him now – how to spend his money. He is the one that insists our debts are seperate – I owe 4K to my power company…he uses electricity while he is here, but he’s not helping me pay that bill.
There has been no break in our relationship. The only sticking point in it is that he is 45 and living with his parents, who are using him to paper over the cracks in their marriage. I want him to get away from that unhealthy situation first.
When we got engaged, it was before we lived with the flatmate. We had no idea what was going to happen. We wanted to be married within a year. Obviously that couldn’t happen. I ended up having to live on my ex H’s floor for 6 months while doing temp work, to raise enough to pay the deposit on my own flat. I’m on a fixed income, my rent has gone up 30% in just a year and I’m so broke I’m having to look for somewhere cheaper to live. I can’t support Fiance until I move, am found fit for work and can work full time again.
Post # 47
I don’t think I’ve read your previous thread(s)? At least that I can remember. It sounds like you’ve both been through tough times & I hope things improve for you, but it’s concerning that you’ve both turned to others (him to his parents, you to your ex-H) in times of trouble rather than being a team. Living apart after having lived together sounds like a step backward in your relationship. You know your Fiance is in an unhealthy situation & yet you won’t let him move in with you. Why would you have to support him? You mention he’s working long hours, he should be able to contribute toward household bills while still paying down debt, that’s the way most of us have to do it. You shouldn’t want to see him living in an unhealthy situation and he shouldn’t want to see you struggling to find a cheaper place while unable to work because of health reasons. Each other’s well being and happiness should be a prime concern- & that includes him not letting his family have such undue influence on him.
Post # 48
I’m going to assume that there’s more to your disability than you’ve relayed in this thread if you chose to RSVP ‘no’ to a family wedding nine months in advance. This doesn’t excuse their behavior, but the bride and groom of the upcoming wedding may have assumed that you would not want to and/or could not come based on your RSVP to the earlier wedding. That being said, they were wrong not to include you, but I get the feeling that there is more to this story than you’re telling us, maybe more to it than you even know yourself. Are you sure that his extended family even knows that you’re still together? It’s an odd relationship situation to say the least. Is there a chance that they made a mistake?
Post # 49
I RSVP”d ‘no’ because I was having a revision operation on my leg stump the month before. When the invites went out they didn’t know that.
The whole family do know we are still together – believe me, with his family they would know we had split 10 minutes after the event. It’s not a mistake…they told the Future In-Laws 2 months ago I wouldn’t be invited.
Post # 50
I don’t have family and if I hadn’t turned to my ex H at the time, I would have been homeless. I’m not going through that again. Fiance is also in London, where his job is. I’m 200 miles away. It’s not like he could commute. If he moved in with me right now, he would have to give up his job. I can barely support myself on my income. No way I can fund him.
Post # 51
Your own finances are in tough shape. How many people will you be able to afford to invite when your time comes? You may find yourself slashing the guest list and offending a few people.
It is a totally different perspective when you plan a wedding and pay the bill.
If you were snubbed, why give them the power to make you so upset about it? Some people spend their whole lives bickering with and complaining about relatives. Let it go.
Post # 52
We will be eloping. All this fucking stupid drama has made that a certainity.
I don’t care about the wedding. I was disappointed because I was looking forward to it, but I’m not devestasted. I’m more upset at all the stupid drama from the Future In-Laws because my Fiance is daring to say NO to them.
p.s. I’ve been married twice before, so I already know about planning and paying for a wedding. I didn’t invite my own mother to my last one, 15 years ago. She understood and caused a fraction of the drama that is going on with FI’s cousin.
Post # 53
He only lied to spare your feelings. A 45 year old man has to give in and attend a wedding because his parents will be on his case if he doesn’t?
He lives with his parents because of work? Is that temporary? You have been engaged 5 years, is any wedding imminent? Are the 2 of you working towards a place together, not 200 miles apart?
Who cares about this wedding?
Post # 54
Wedding: Not imminent. Neither is living together, as I’ve been signed off as unfit for work by my doctors until October 2016. I can’t work for an employer as they wouldn’t be able to get insurance for me. I do odd bits of freelance work when I can. As I posted earlier, we never intended to be engaged for this long, unfortunately life had other ideas.
I have to move apartments by March 2016. Finding somewhere new to live is my priority at the moment. FI will be helping me to look…we ultimately want him to be living in my city, as London is just too damn expensive…and that is the reason why he is currently living with his parents.
I don’t care about the wedding, Fiance doesn’t care about the wedding…this is a cousin he sees on average 3 times a year. The only people getting in a hissy fit about his non attendance is his parents – specifically his father. His father is obsessed with ‘everyone’ having to attend any family event. I can’t take him seriously as he once didn’t speak to his brother for 18 months because brother spent less on Future Father-In-Law Christmas present than he did…this is the type of mentality we are dealing with.