(Closed) I’m not inviting my Father to the wedding…

posted 11 years ago in Family
  • poll: What would you do?

    Not invite him to the wedding and deal with not seeing that side of your family

    Invite him to the wedding, suck it up, its only a couple hours

    Remove him from my life without another word

    Write him an email with how we can fix the problems and forgive each other

  • Post # 18
    Member
    1276 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2009

    @CeeCee:I understand! My mom is in her 60’s and I tried to see if we could have a relationship this past fall and she still has not changed. IF anything, I feel she was worse and more mean. It is just not worth it. Thats what I was saying, this is your day, you are starting a new family, your family and you just do not need people like this in your life.

    Post # 19
    Member
    142 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    @MissGreen:i have the right to my opinion so why dont you “Chill”

    Post # 20
    Member
    1276 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2009

    @julieandjaiden: Yes you do have a right to your opinion, however you should probably read a bit more before going off on someone is all I am saying. 🙂

    Post # 21
    Member
    142 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    @MissGreen: that wasnt going off..i just thought “rude” was a little harsh for our bee! thats all

    Post # 22
    Member
    142 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    @julieandjaiden: and furthermore i do agree with EVERYTHING ELSE YOU SAID except for her being rude..after going back and reading it all

    Post # 23
    Member
    295 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @CeeCee: No what can tell you whether or not to invite him but yourself, and it sucks you have to make a decision like that. I’m in a sort of similiar situation (and getting married the same day, go us!). My sister absolutely will not be invited and will be thrown out on her ear if she shows up.  I know it’s over a year away and things might change in the relationship I have with her, but she has done and said some awful things to my parents, so regardless of where her and I stand, she will not be there because it would make them uncomfortable, and as bad as it sounds they are more important to me than her.

    Maybe weigh the pros and cons. Is him being there going to make other’s uncomfortable, or is him not being there going to cause you problems with other family members that you have a good relationship with? 

     

    Post # 24
    Member
    91 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I cut my father off in high school and haven’t spoken to him since, so I understand what it means to sever ties with an abusive parent, and I am definitely sympathetic. However, it’s bizarre to me that if you had such an awful relationship with your father, you would ask him to contribute to the wedding, then get all upset when he DID offer to contribute because, in your opinion, it wasn’t a good enough contribution.  Perhaps this is not what you meant, but that’s what your original post implies. If my parents offered their house, offered to cook, and offered a place to stay on the honeymoon, I wouldn’t consider it “extremely rude,” I’d consider it extremely thoughtful, even if I had no plans to use it. 

    That comment aside, if you feel that your father is having a negative impact on your life, then cut him off.  I can tell you that I have never once regretted it, although sometimes I do get a little sad and depressed that I don’t have a good father figure in my life – but not having one at all is better than having one who just treats me badly and makes me feel awful about myself.  There’s the hope that cutting them off will make them see how they’ve been treating you and change their ways, but don’t hold your breath.  Most people don’t change, especially not older people who have been set in their ways for decades.  If you cut him off, you should be prepared for it to be a lifelong decision, and for it the affect or even end the relationship you have with your stepmother, halfbrother, and paternal family, as well.  It sucks, but it’s the way it goes.. If you cut him off,

    I didn’t vote in the poll because I think that’s a choice only you can make, and you shouldn’t let the internet decide it for you.  We don’t know your history and your feelings towards your dad, and we don’t have to live with the consequences.  Only you have that – take some time to cool off, think about your options, and make the decision that’s best for you, and you alone.  Based solely on your post, it seems like you’re going to want to reconcile with him eventually, so I think you may regret it if you don’t invite him.

    Post # 26
    Member
    91 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    By The Way, I just realized part of my post cut off.. How weird!  The second paragraph shoud have ended “If you cut him off, his wife and child more than likely will side with him, even if they both care about you, because they have to live with him every day.  Cutting him off means cutting that whole branch of the family off, or else making them the middlemen for all the drama, which isn’t good either.”

     

    I hope you find some closure and contentment with your decision, whatever it is!

    Post # 27
    Member
    562 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I’m confused too. You mention verbal abuse, which yes is certainly a good reason to cut someone from your life. BUT you don’t mention not inviting him until he didn’t offer the type of help you wanted for the wedding. If your dad would have said sure, hows X, would he be invited? It really doesn’t make sense to be asking for money from him when you don’t want him around. Plus I’m confused as to how him contributing money to your wedding somehow = he cares.

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