(Closed) I'm not looking forward to getting engaged because….

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
726 posts
Busy bee

No because there will not be 4th date for me were that to happen. But that is me anyway.

Post # 3
3450 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

sequinhat :  Could you give some examples? Are you opposite on issues you both feel are non negotiable or is there room for compromise?

Post # 4
2051 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

We had some opposite opinions about what to plan on the day. He wanted a Catholic Church, I wanted a Protestant church. He wanted the reception at a hotel and I wanted the reception at a restaurant. He wanted fresh flowers and roses, I wanted a brooch bouquet and definitely no roses. And sometimes whist not polar opposites, we had some things that were conflicting – I wanted a tea length dress but my Darling Husband wanted to wear tails (long suit coat) and the two wouldn’t have looked right together.

We worked out what was a priority to each of us and started to compromise. So our wedding was a Protestant church near my family for the ceremony, hotel for the reception, he wore tails so I wore a long dress, we had fresh flowers but no roses. You don’t get your dream wedding but neither does you partner. What you actually get is a wedding that celebrates you and your relationship. 

Compromise is the key – if you’ve not got that nailed down I’d work on it because it’s not just the wedding that will be about compromise.

Post # 5
651 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2020

We get along with most big things, but one thing I am not looking forward to is everyone’s opinions and certain people trying to control my wedding.  It’s just an event, not the marriage, so it’s not the biggest deal in the world… but I can already anticipate how annoying specific family members are going to be.

Post # 6
767 posts
Busy bee

opposites on wedding planning or day to day life stuff? Wedding planning is a weird time. Doesn’t mean that things that happen during wedding planning will spill over to your every day life after the wedding.

My husband and I can be different in tastes a lot of times Sometimes we have a hard time deciding on movies to see and all that because a lot of times we just aren’t liking the same things. We still work out compromises, and sometimes we take turns deciding. It’s nice to try things you normally wouldn’t.

Our first wedding was difficult in a lot of ways. I wanted a destination wedding, and he wanted to stay home. I wanted more of a themed wedding (something that you never heard of at the time) and he wanted traditional. So we compromised. Traditional ceremony, and a themed reception.

We’ve been together about 19 years now, so if it was me, I wouldn’t let differences in opinions and tastes walk away from a wonderful man.

Post # 7
659 posts
Busy bee

sequinhat :  I wanted a big wedding. Darling Husband wanted to elope. You’ll find a way to compromise, and if you can’t, then that’s concerning.

Post # 8
1058 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

Well I’m looking forward to getting engaged, but not so much to planning the wedding.

My SO and I are pretty much on the same page in regards to the wedding, but I’ve heard so many people say how stressful it is to planning a wedding so not looking forward to that so much. Plus my SO’s mother is already talking about her plans for our wedding lol so I’m realllyyyy hoping we can get through wedding planning without hurting my relationship with her (luckily my SO has already said he’ll deal with his mother when the time comes!).

Right now it’s fun to think about/talk about how our wedding is going to be, but that’s because there’s no pressure yet. I usually like planning things, so I’m hoping it won’t be too bad, but all the horror stories have me a little scared lol.

In the end though it isn’t about the wedding, it’s about getting married. If my SO wanted to elope and I wanted to have a wedding at home, I’m sure we’d find a way to compromise. And if he was REALLY against anything but eloping, I’d do it because being married is more important. As long as you two keep in mind that marriage is the end goal and focus on that, you’ll find a way to compromise without going crazy.

Post # 9
5882 posts
Bee Keeper

sequinhat :  We had different ideas & we managed a happy compromise like the examples other Bees give above. What’s far more worrying is that you’re actually not looking forward to getting engaged because of this?! That seems rather extreme to let wedding planning details put a damper on having the man you love propose to you. What’s more important to you- your idealized version of a dream wedding done exactly your way or planning a life with the man you want to spend it with? Also, if you can’t compromise on ceremony & reception details, how will you handle far more serious problems in the future and the give and take any relationship requires? Seems to me there are bigger problems at play here. 

Post # 10
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Kind of! He says I can have whatever wedding I want when the time comes and that he just wants to be married to me however it happens, but I know he would much prefer to elope. I have a VERY large family and several close friends but he has a very small family he isn’t close with and while he has lots of friends there are only a couple he would feel need to be there so it would be like, 40-50 guests for me, 8-10 for him lol. I am tempted to elope and avoid all the drama but I just really want my dad to walk me down the aisle, and have a dance with my SO and my dad, and all that fun stuff! Luckily he likes the colours and style I am gravitating toward, but yeah he would much rather just elope like tomorrow and send out “We got married” notices. hahaha

Post # 11
2089 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Having a wedding is not important to my Boyfriend or Best Friend. And marriage is only important to him because it is important to me. Otherwise, he doesn’t need it himself at all. That said, he would rather elope or have a courtroom ceremony, but he is totally fine having a small wedding. He has great taste and I’m sure will become interested in the details once we start planning because he is a details kind of guy.

I’m sure you guys can compromise. Hopefully this experience will be a good way for you to deepen your relationship by listening to what the other person wants and compromising.

Post # 12
7765 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

If you’re not excited about getting engaged, then maybe you shouldn’t get engaged?

Post # 14
395 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

It is all about compromise! Meet in the middle – 70 person “small” wedding, a best man and Maid/Matron of Honor, and an outdoor ceremony with indoor reception! No?

Post # 15
659 posts
Busy bee

sequinhat :  Oh goodness… I’ve only been married for four months, but we have lived together for several years. Like a PP said, it’s all about compromise. You’ll both just have to realize that you definitely will NOT have everything you want, and that’s OK. I can tell you that none of those things are that bad to disagree on. As long as you agree on what really matters (i.e. being married and committed to each other), the rest will fall into place. 

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