Post # 1
(I understand that this is an extremely strange post. And I don’t know where to post it so I posted to Beehive.)
Living with Fiance has shown me that I am an incredibly strange person.
Before we lived together, I thought it was perfectly normal to hide from the mailman. This is apparently not true. It’s not that the mailman scares me…I’s just that if he sees me, I’ll have to say hello… and then I’ll have to wave. And if I start saying hello and waving, I’ll have to keep saying hello and waving every time. And one day I’ll come home and have a ton of things in my hands and the mailman will want to say hello and wave and there will be this big connundrum in my head about whether I should stop and converse go inside… It’s just a mess. My social skills are lacking.
I just never realized HOW odd it could look from an outsider’s perspective. About two weeks ago, Fiance and I were grocery shopping. And every time someone would stand close to me in the aisle, I would get upset and vacate the entire aisle. I am very big on grocery store etiquette. I do not want someone inside my circle of comfort while I shop. I feel as though when you are shopping, you should be allowed a radius of a foot around you to be free. I grant every other shopper this courtesy. I simply want the same in return. Don”t violate my radius. I truly do not need anyone to be breathing down my neck while I am picking out my bell peppers. A MOMENT of intrusion is fine. If I’m standing in front of the eggs, I understand that you need to get your eggs. But it’s a quick transaction, you get in and then get right back out. Anyway… Back to the point. So, we were in the cereal aisle and this lady comes and posts up like six inches away from my shoulder and starts reading a box of Lucky Charms. And she lingers. And lingers. I ask her if I was blocking anything and she said no. And yet she lingered. At this point, I’m standing there trying to figure out what is so interesting on this box of Lucky Charms. There were a total of about six words on this box. It wasn’t even on the nutritional side. And yet she lingered. I felt like I was being attacked. This person was knowingly and wilfully invading my grocery store space. I could feel the heat from her body on my cheek, she was THAT close. I felt like she was doing it on purpose. Nobody in the WORLD needs to know that much about Lucky Charms. They were magically delicious yesterday, they are magically delicious today, they will be magically delicious tomorrow. Given this information, I felt violated. I tried to stand my ground until I just couldn’t take it anymore. Than I spun on my heels and marched to the next aisle. Fiance followed me so I whipped around and hissed “Can you believe her??!” He said “What?” I said “That woman was CHALLENGING me! Who DOES that?” He said “What?” I said “The lady next to me was trying to wear me down!” He looked perplexed and replied “I have no idea what you’re talking about. She didn’t say anything to you” to which I replied “I’s not what she SAID. She was STANDING there. Like… aggressively.” He looked at me like I sprouted two heads. I then began to consider the possibility that maybe she had never heard of the Radius of Freedom and perhaps I was just the jerk who got irrationally pissed off at a poor woman who had trouble reading the six words on the box of Lucky charms. Apparently I’m odd AND an asshole.
Regretfully… This is just the beginning of my unfortunate oddities. I used to feel like I was a fairly normal person. But living with him has shown me that even some of what I deem are my most rational thought have roots in crazy.
I don’t expect that many of you can share these experiences. But please tell me… Do any of you feel a little odd in comparison to your FI?
Post # 3
My Fiance thinks I’m weird for a lot of things, none of which I can think of right now lol. Sometimes I explain things, and when I get to the end, he’s looking at me like a lunatic, and I’m realizing that my explanation makes no sense…lol
Anyway, I totally hide from the mailman, and I totally expect (and give) a lot of space at the grocery store. Like, if someone is inspecting cereal boxes, I just stand 5 ft back and scan the shelves, then, when I find what I want, I make a quick move, grab it, and stand 5 feet back again to read the nutritional values…is this not normal?
Post # 4
@les105: That’s what I thought was normal! I’m glad someone else feels that way 🙂
Post # 5
I am big on personal space and have a panic attack if a stranger stands within my space for too long, I will literally have to move and if for some reason I can’t leave quickly I feel panicky…
Oh and don’t get me started on close talkers OMG if I step away it doesn’t mean move back into my space hahaha
I don’t think you are odd, I think people invading personal space have no manners.
Oh I also do the postie thing too (thou our guys are on motorbikes so basically just toss it in the box and ride off quite quickly no waves etc) I just make sure I am not outside so he/she doesn’t feel the need to hand it to me (it has happened before) and that is just awkward hahaha
Post # 6
“Nobody in the WORLD needs to know that much about Lucky Charms. They were magically delicious yesterday, they are magically delicious today, they will be magically delicious tomorrow.”
haha that cracked me up. I actually totally understand what you are saying. I learned that I was strange from an early age though because I grew up in a large family and was the only one who thought and acted that way. I have just learned how to hide it from people I don’t know. I know how to act like I am not being bothered even if I am ready to explode. My Fiance knows that I am like that and just thinks it’s funny, and I have learned how to have a sense of humor about it as well. My family and friends all joke with me about it.
We actually went to the grocery store a couple of hours ago and I was ready to freak out because we literally got goxed in by three carts while we were looking at hamburger meat! It makes me feel so unbelievably claustrophobic and engraged.
While I do get completely irritated sometimes, I just walk away from the situation and calm down. You have to remind yourself that everyone comes from different cultures and backgrounds, and a lot of people (I would even say most people) are fine being close to others…while people like us need our space.
I do not think that you are crazy (although I guess I don’t really know you ). People are just different from each other…If you are anything like me then you are probably just introverted and enjoy the company of yourself more than others and need your space…and that’s fine!
P.S. I hide from people all the time…I put in a work order at my apartment recently and was there the whole time without the guy knowing haha. I dread the idea of pointless conversation with someone you don’t know.
Post # 7
@kkish3- That makes me feel so much better! Fiance thinks it’s so odd that I hide from our neighbors. But we live in an apartment and there are SO many of them. I just don’t always feel like talking. Sometimes I’ll open the door to go outside, hear voices, then change my mind and go back in. Lol, I sound antisocial but I’m not really. It’s just that pleasantries are time consuming and awkward.
Post # 8
- Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards
Do you think you might have a mild disorder of some sort? You wrote that your social skills are lacking and you avoid interactions that other people don’t find challenging. Perhaps there a slight anxiety disorer that’s fueling this?
You’re clearly functioning quite well, you just have a couple odd practices. Perhaps reading a some books will help you understand what’s going on and give you some strategies for managing things when you feel confronted, but aren’t truly being threatened.
If you find yourself paralyzed in your home, unable to leave, then you have to be a bit more serious about finding a way to manage what you’re feeling. It doesn’t sound like it’s come to that, though.
Post # 9
I could have written this. (Apart from where i live being woefully lacking in Lucky Charms.)
I have been with my SO for nearly 4 years, and am still awkward aound his friends. If there is one or two, that is okay, but if there are more I usually just spend the night sitting in one place, not talking, just listening. If there is a party happening and we are the first ones to arrive, I will claim a seat, sit there for the night, and feel okay. If we arrive after eveyone else I feel like we are intruding, I don’t know where to stand or what to do, it’s horrible. We have a party to go to tonight. Urgh.
I just don’t know how to make conversation flow.
And the shopping thing, I do exactly the same. I cannot stand people being in my area, or if there are too many people in an aisle and it’s too lae to turn around, I will just walk through it and wait at the end for it to calm down.
Christmas shopping was horrible. I had done all mine at the end of November so I didn’t have to go anywhere near the shop, but my partner left it to the 23rd so I tried to help by getting things for him. Big mistake. I usually have a basket so i can manoeuver around, but this time I had to get a trolley. I seriously get the full on sweats and panicky breathing, I have to remind myself to calm down.
And I will do all I can to avoid mailmen, neighbours etc. If there is an engineer coming in to the house, it’s so awkward, I don’t know whether to leave him to it or that would be rude… etc etc!
And now I’ve written a novel XD But yeah, you are not alone basically 🙂
Post # 10
@mink: I thought the same thing. I work in anxiety but I’m no clinician, so I’m not labeling or diagnosing anyone, just thought it was similar to some of my social anx patients.
Post # 11
Meh, some people just have different boundaries than others. And yes, I get your point about the mailman. Don’t worry about these things. Everyone is different.
Post # 12
You may be odd, but you’re also hilarious! I will now be thinking about your Lucky Charms quip every time I see someone pondering a label for wayyy too long.
I hide from the mailman too. Not always, but often.
The grocery store thing is a bit odd though. Yes, sometimes people stand bizarrely close, and it pisses me off. I usually shoot them an annoyed look and move a foot or so away. Once or twice I’ve totally ceded the space and stood there obviously waiting for them to finish so that I could go back to what I was doing. Maybe you could find a happy medium between refusing to budge and evacuating the aisle?
I wouldn’t worry too much about feeling odd relative to your Fiance. Generally speaking, I think most guys are way less concerned about violations of personal space than most girls. (Obviously there are exceptions, but as a general rule I think it holds true.) They’re also often less self-aware/anxious about social faux pas, etc. So your Fiance may be “normal” for a dude, but that doesn’t mean that you should compare yourself to his standard of normalcy. I’m sure he’s odd in his own way–it just may not involve interactions with strangers or grocery shopping. (I think it’s profoundly odd that my Darling Husband doesn’t notice when the rug needs to be vaccuumed, or obsessively reads about food/wine/cocktails but cringes at a five minute conversation about buying furniture. C’est la vie.) Besides, normalcy is boring. Who wants a long term relationship without amusement and occasional bafflement?
Post # 13
LMAO LMAO LMAO. I’m sure this wasn’t meant to be funny but this is hilarious. “she was challenging me!” Hahaha. Girl, I hide from EVERY SINGLE PERSON that knocks on my door. Freaks me out. I definitely think me and my SO have some quirks but I don’t even find what you are saying to be “odd”…I think it’s just a quirk you have, and it makes you, you! Seriously the post is hilarious though, the whole ‘imaginary’ confrontation with the Lucky Charms lady…I can’t understand people at the grocery store. I only go once a week and I try so hard to make sure I don’t forget anything and have to go back bc people are just ridiculous there! I totally feel your pain. I don’t think anyone likes people in their bubble. Like you are waiting in the express lane and someone gets behind you SO close it’s like they are breathing down your neck. I ALWAAAYS turn around and just look at them lol. Not in an angry way, just to show them..uhh..you are real close my friend. Oh my goodness.
Post # 14
Honestly I think you’re a little quirky, but that’s ok. What might be worrisome is that you thought another person was challenging you just because she was sitting right next to you. I can tell you honestly that I’ve never had a concept of “radius of privacy”, and if I happen to read a box of cereal and worry about my kids/husband at that moment and someone is next to me, well then tough kadoodles. It seems that at the moment what you’re doing/thinking isn’t invading your life too much, but if at some point it ever does become a hindrance to everyday activities in your life, I recommend seeing a counselor or a coach. It’s not that you’re weird, it’s just that you may have had some experiences or been taught some things about life and other people that bias your perception and give you unnecessary stress. From my point of view, getting upset and leaving the isle because someone is standing right next to you is unnecessary stress. And a little paranoid. So is worrying about saying hello to the mailman. No one is going to judge you if you come with your hands full of groceries and the mailman says hello and you make a little chitchat, or you don’t. These things shouldn’t be an issue or a worry, and yet they are to you, and they do cause unnecessary stress. So, just think about it. If you’re perfectly fine with this, then stay the way you are, and that’s great. But if it starts negatively impacting your life or your relationship or you simply think you’d like to not worry about social interactions, get a life coach or a counselor, it’s going to enrich your life.
Post # 15
I’m also socially awkward. When I first meet people, I come off as rude unintentionally. It’s not that I don’t like you. It’s that I don’t know you and don’t want to talk to you because I don’t know you. When I’m around my friends I am as nice as can be. All my friends have said that I came off as a little bitchy when they first met me, but for some reason they stuck it out and once they got to know me it was totally different.
Like you, I’m a big supporter of personal space. I call it my bubble. Do not invade my bubble. It makes me nervous when you invade my bubble. You annoy me when you invade my bubble. I work in retail at a quad that has four registers. It gets on my everlasting nerve when I am helping a customer, and three more customers that do not know the lady from Eve just start standing next to her and hovering while she completes her transaction. Seriously, back up. A lady did that to me one day when I was checking out as a customer at my job. You do not need to be all up on me while I check out. It’s not going to make me go faster. You’re just getting on my nerves. If anything, I’m going to go slower.
Glad to see more people like me exist lol.
Post # 16
I don’t think you have a disorder (unless there is a lot more to it but I am no doctor). You are just an introvert. I do the same things. I too value my radius of freedom and I hate when most people invade it. Introverts tend to find social situations draining, even if they enjoy them, so could that be why you hide from the mailman?