- 7 months ago
- Wedding: September 2020
2020 has been dreadful for everyone so I feel guilty complaining, but I look around and everyone else seems to be doing do much better than me.
Six months ago life was peachy. I had a job I loved, was killing in in grad school, had steady house sits booked for the next year, fiance was progressing in his career, and I was months away from marrying the man of my dreams.
Next thing I knew there was a pandemic. The borders closed and everyone in tourism lost their jobs, including me and my fiance. Because travel was no longer an option all of our house sits cancelled, and we were left unemployed, homeless, and looking at an undetermined period of lockdown, in which you could not hunt for a rental.
We spent 3 months homeless, crashing on a shed floor with no shower, insulation, or heating.
In these three months, our savings quickly disappeared on food and phone data (for job hunting and grad school) and my GPA nose dived. We called off our wedding, at an enormous loss, and it feels like we’ll never be in a position to try again.
Finally, fiance got a job offer – on the other side of the country. So we moved. Now we are in a new city and have found a place in a share house, and he’s working as many hours as he can, but unfortunately, its weather dependant and the rain won’t cut us a break.
We are barely making ends meet. Over those three months, I managed to injure my knee, my eye, and all of the stress has bought back my depression and anxiety. To top it all off I have stage 4 endometriosis and am out of medication for it so dealing with mind-numbing pain every day. but can’t afford to see a Dr again. About any of it.
I’m job hunting like mad, sending multiple applications every day. I have two bachelors degrees, am a month away from finishing a post-grad diploma, and have 5 years industry experience, but I still haven’t gotten so much as a “you’re shortlisted” email.
I am so stressed about money I am barely eating. Our savings are almost gone but fiance doesn’t seem to get that. He genuinely believes I’ll get full time work any day now and we’ll be fine. So he’s still treating himself to coffees out etc.
I feel trapped. I feel like its never going to get better. I feel like no matter how hard I try to dig myself out of this I’m powerless. I feel screwed. And I feel like I can’t talk to fiance about how I am not coping because he’s done so much and tried so hard