(Closed) “I’m not ready”

posted 11 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
526 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

My fiance’ never gave me an “I’m not ready” but I think if I had brought up the subject of marriage too early I would might have gotten one.

How old are you?  How long have you been together?  Do you live together? 

Post # 4
386 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Fiance always told me that he would not propose until he was ready.  For him, being ready meant putting my wellbeing above his own.  Once he felt like he was prepared to do this, he proposed.  We dated for 5 1/2 years (but we were young when we started dating at 18 and 19)

I can’t say that’s the way it is for everyone, but for us he truly meant it when he said that he just wasn’t ready right then.

Post # 5
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

did he say anything else? i think sometimes “i’m not ready” really can mean “i’m not ready” it depends on the situation! 

Post # 7
1374 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I think it totally depends on the situation.  We’ve all heard stories about the boyfriend who kept saying he didn’t believe in marriage, wasn’t ready, ect that ended up getting married six months after the break-up.  We’ve also all heard stories about the couple who have been dating since high school who genuinely weren’t ready for marriage for a good 7 or 8 years. 

I think any man who’s in his late twenties to early thrities (or older) who’s got a steady job, decent income and has been with his SO for over two years, yet still claims he’s “not ready” is full of crap.  On the other hand, a guy who’s still in school, unemployed, in his early twenties or has been with his SO less than a year might be genuinely “not ready.”

That’s my opinion, anyway.

Post # 8
3605 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

personally i wouldnt stay with a guy that said to my face that he wasnt ready – but im a “i will have what i want now” kinda gal and thankfully my hubby was on the same page

but for some guys they need hear from their girlfriend what they want/need and then he has a lightbulb moment that will shift his thinking from im not ready to asking himself am i ready and whats the plan


edit: i just read that youre mid 20’s and hes only 20 and you have only been dating a year – although there are alot of mature 20yrs out there i support his decision to wait


Post # 10
1374 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Just read your response.  20 years old?  Only dating a year?

Boy isn’t ready.  Time to back off.

Post # 12
6377 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I absolutely agree with lezlers. 20 years old and only together for a year is too soon to be married, IMO. Fiance did give me the “I’m not ready” about 3.5 years into our relationship but it was mostly a money thing. He wanted to be more financially secure before marriage and I absolutely respected that. We waited more than 5 years to get engaged! When the time is right, it will happen. I suggest not talking about an engagement for atleast a few years.

Post # 13
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I got the “Im not ready” a few times through our relationship …. Yes we were living together and yes we had been together about a year and a half when he said that but it is now three years after that and we are happily engaged and I know with all my heart that we will be together forever because he WAITED until HE was ready. 

Unfortunately sometimes that means we have to put our needs and feelings aside but in the end I wouldn’t trade a thing because I now know that he “IS READY”  and that he will be by my side forever ๐Ÿ™‚ Keep waiting I assure you, he is just not ready. 

Post # 14
1344 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Well… let me give it to you from the other side. When I met my Fiance I was 19, he was 23. He had just graduated college and was looking for his first real-life just out of school job. I was the one that wasn’t ready. I flat out told him, to his face, “Dude… I like you A LOT, but I’m just not ready to get married. Maybe I will be one day, but right now I just don’t see that in my near future.”

5 years later we are happily engaged and planning our wedding!

Give him time to mature… I know that’s what I needed! I didn’t even start think about marriage until I was 23 and we had already been dating 4 years.

That might not be the answer you want to hear, but I can tell you… I am proof that people can transition from “I’m not ready” to “Where the hell is the damn ring?!?” ๐Ÿ˜‰ Good luck!

Post # 15
979 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

i really think it depends on a lot of things. While we can bunch men into a gorup for a lot of things, I do think there could be legit reasons why he is not ready. If he is young, just getting a career going, has no money saved…all of those are legit reasons to wait (and smart to wait).

If he is in his 40’s, has been a batchelor all his life, and has a hard time making a commitment of any kind, then that’s a different story.

The best advice I can give you is find happiness within yourself and do not let your entire world revolve around him. Do things you like to do, find hobbies for yourself. This will make you a well-rounded person and a more appealing one. Men don’t like pressure or feeling like you are completely wrapped up in him. it makes guys very skiddish to have that kind of pressure on them.

My Fiance said at one point that he never watned to be married again (he’s diverced). And here we are. Things do change with some.

Post # 16
521 posts
Busy bee

I never got that from my Fiance, but he is in his early 30’s and we were both on eharmony looking for the one… he was ready, he just had to find me ๐Ÿ™‚ I think 20 is really young for a guy, their brains are wired so differently, especially at that age. I’m sorry, but at least he is wise enough to know he’s not ready instead of rushing himself and then later regretting becoming married too soon! That is actually a sign of maturity! Maybe he’ll be ready sooner than the average Joe ๐Ÿ™‚ good luck to you!

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