Post # 1
I’m the Maid/Matron of Honor for a jewish bride and her jewish Fiance. I am not jewish. Eariler today, the bride told me that she is excited about me being her Maid/Matron of Honor, but she wants her aunt (who is also jewish of course) to sign their ketubah (a.k.a. a Jewish pre-nup type agreement considered an integral part of a traditional Jewish marriage, and outlines the rights and responsibilities of the groom, in relation to the bride…it’s signed by 2 witnesses). The bride explained that, because I wasn’t jewish, she was concerned that “it wouldn’t count” if I signed the ketubah and therefore doesn’t want me to sign it. She told me that she hopes I understand why she feels this way.
Now…initially I didn’t think much of it. However, a few hours have passed since our phone conversation and I’m starting to feel a bit insulted. It’s strange because…well, if I’m good enough to be her Maid/Matron of Honor to make it count, then why can’t I be good enough to sign her ketubah?
Can any jewish brides (or brides in general) explain this to me? The more I think a about it, the more I think the bride played a b**** move on me.
Post # 3
Sorry, I am not Jewish, but I do understand where the bride is coming from and she did let you know about it in a nice way. If it bothers you that much; perhaps you should step down. Personally, I think you should be happy for her that she is able to also honor her aunt.
Post # 4
i think being a Maid/Matron of Honor for the ceremony and being a witness for the Ketubah are 2 different things/roles so if it was me i wouldnt be upset and i especially wouldnt be calling it a “b**** move”
Post # 5
i don’t understand religion and its traditions in general. i think of course it should count if you sign it! but i wouldn’t feel slighted by this either. simply because she is jewish and i would just chalk it up to something i can’t relate to, therefore i won’t be bothered or offended by it. and i certainly don’t think she was a b**** for doing this. whatever her belief system and how strongly she feels about those beliefs is what led her to this decision. i am sure it has nothing to do with how important your friendship is to her.
I have a friend who was supposed to OFFICIATE my wedding. she said yes and the plans were set for months. then she backed out because my wedding falls on Passover and she can’t miss such an important holiday. My opinion – this holiday comes around once a year, but your extremely good friend since high school asked you to officiate her once in a lifetime wedding. so do i understand, no? am i going to say something or be mad at her? no.
Post # 6
Also not jewish, but agree with the others. I don’t see it as a big deal. Who cares who signs it? She chose you as her Maid/Matron of Honor, I would be happy and enjoy it!
@dynamic_duo: wow, you really are having some tough luck. Sorry about that as well, I am not sure I understand that excuse, I mean I would miss Christmas if thats when you were getting married….
Post # 7
Sorry, I’m not jewish either, but it may not count. I don’t know. My children are baptized in the Catholic church, and they HAD to have Catholic godparents. Religion doctrines can be strange that way. It sounds like she cares enough for you to be her Maid/Matron of Honor regardless of her belief system. That’s an honor in itself.
Post # 8
Thanks for the quick replies back! I appreciate it. Just checking to see if my feelings were justified in this situation. For me, if the shoe was on the other foot, I wouldn’t mind her signing a religious document stating her witnessing my marriage especially since she would be my Maid/Matron of Honor. I would think “it counts” regardless of the fact that we practice 2 different religious, but I digress.
Post # 9
Hi. Jewish bride here. Sorry to say but she is right. Accordingly to Jewish law, the ketubah witnesses must be Jewish for the marriage to be recognized as valid. I wouldn’t take it personally at all. You are obviously very important to her for her to have asked you to be her Maid/Matron of Honor. But you can’t change religious doctrine. I’m sure if she had it her way, you would be the one signing it.
Post # 10
@BBee: ya some people like my Fiance and another friend think its just an excuse. i am having a Destination Wedding, so if she just doesnt want to pay to come anymore, it is her right and i could not be upset with her for that either. i would appreciate honesty though, but i have no choice but to believe what she tells me.
Post # 11
I’m not Jewish, sorry, but I really wouldn’t take it personally. Religion is so personal and I am sure she is not intentionally doing anything to you. She just wants someone who understands her religion to sign. Maybe someone else, her family if Fiance is pusher this decision too. I would look at the fact that she wants you up there with her more than anyone else. If she calls next week and says she wants someone else to be the Maid/Matron of Honor, then be pissed.
Post # 12
I’m with Phofe2774 on this – I think you should be honored to be her Maid/Matron of Honor. She obviously holds you in high regard to have asked you and quite actually if I were her I’d be really upset that my best friend would call something like this a "b**** move".
Post # 13
I don’t think it’s that big of a deal. The bride probably wanted someone to sign her document who was Jewish. It’s just like the Catholic church when you have someone who is Catholic sponsor you during your confirmation. The bride probably just wants a Jewish person who has already been married to sign the religious document. I’m sure she still respects you and values you as a Maid/Matron of Honor. No need to drop out because of this. You should be proud of her for trying to involve so many people in her wedding.
Post # 14
I think the PPs have put it well, but yes, this is true. It also technically (according to my knowlege of the most traditional Jewish law) needs to be signed by men only. You shouldn’t take offense, as this is your friend’s religion and is obviously not a decision she is consciously making or a “b—- move,” as you put it. If I was your friend, I might take offense that you don’t have enough respect for my religion to go along with tradition without getting mad. Just my two cents.
Post # 15
The witnesses who sign the Ketubah have to be Jewish non-relatives. If you’re not Jewish you can’t sign. Don’t be offended at all.
Post # 16
This has nothing to do with her feelings about you. The problem is that under Jewish law, a ketubah must be witnessed by two Jews. (Depending on how Orthodox the person is, only male Jews and/or only nonrelatives may count, but it sounds like she is not that Orthodox.)