Post # 1
My friend from college got engaged about a month and a half before I did. We both love fall and naturally we wanted to get married sometime in the fall. When my Fiance and I got engaged she asked when we were planning on having it and I told her fall of 2013 and gave her a couple dates my Fiance and I talked about. She told me that those were the dates that she and her Fiance were looking at. I told her we were just talking and nothing is set in stone. She was going to figure out her date and venue in the last couple of weeks and I asked her to let me know for sure when she set her date. (And I didn’t know before hand that’s when she was thinking about getting married.)
A few days ago I texted her and asked how the wedding planning was going and if she found a venue and set a date yet. She said no, but again told me her first and second choice dates. She said “Why do you ask?”. And I told her we were starting to look at venues this week and wanted to make sure about her dates. She went on to to say that she hopes that us getting married in such close proximity wasn’t going to be an issue and she is concerned. I told her that I don’t think it will be an issue, we just need to make sure we don’t schedule on the same date. Her last 2 texts to me were “Well why would that happen?” “Unless you do that on purpose…”. Which I responsed, “I’m asking you about your dates to make sure I don’t schedule it then. Why would I do that?”.
I was so hurt that she said that. I didn’t know how exactly to response to her comment. I didn’t want to sound bitchy, which I don’t think I was. I am still confused as to why she would say something like that. She has not responded to my comment and this happened Monday.
Does anyone have any advice for me on how to handle the situation? Thank you!
Post # 3
After you go look at venues, email her and tell her what you found and the date that you want. Then ask her if there will be any scheduling conflicts on her end. Hopefully she’ll understand and respond in kind.
Post # 4
@HollyGuinness: I would definitely try to contact her in person/phone conversation–not text of any sort. Then, if you need to place your deposit on your chosen venue before hers, then I guess you would get the date that yours is available, then tell her you got your venue on __ date. What else can you do?
Post # 5
ooooh no!!!! 🙁 I actually in your same situation. one of my roomates is getting married the weekend before and another close friend from college is getting married 3 weeks before… and I set my date before both of them. My only concern is that we all are aware of each others dates and shower dates otherwise everything will be fine! They knew my date and made sure it was not the same date. Thats all that really matters. Its not like you plan anything specifically to hurt a friend, your getting married, you have to set a date and there are things that you need to choose. She needs to be more open minded.
I am sorry you friend is only thinking about herself and not being happy and excited that you are both planning at the same time!
Post # 6
Have you seen the movie “Bride Wars”? Haha.
I agree that you two need to speak on the phone, asap! So much tone can be lost over text messages. Give her a call!
Post # 7
@HollyGuinness: One word of advice… If she got engaged first don’t set your date before hers. This happened with me and a friend and I put my wedding a month before hers(after getting engaged a month after)… for money reasons not for anything else. Well this turned into a bad situation for awhile. Why? I have no clue(cough cough Future Sister-In-Law put the thought in her head). But it caused problems.
Just wanted to help you avoid them 🙂 And yes you should talk to her on the phone. It sounds like she is getting defensive over her day.
Post # 8
Since you guys are friends and both want a Fall wedding, can you meet and decide on dates that are atleast a month apart. That gives you a chance to enjoy your wedding but also be at hers too.
Post # 9
fall is 3 months long, so i can’t imagine that there isn’t a way to find conflict-free dates. that said, i would never sit and wait for someone else to set their date. do your thing and if she chooses to use your same date then you know what kind of friend she is.
Post # 10
Were you guys actually both wanting either of the same two Saturdays? Just look at your venue, pick your date, and let her know when it is. She is very obviously not telling you anything because she’s afraid you’re going to copy her. So, just pick your own date, tell her that’s when it is, and she can either get over it or not come.
Post # 11
Thank you for all the advice. I will definitely give her a call. I just feel stressed over this and hate confrontation. But I might as well put on my big girl pants and handle this.
Post # 12
@HollyGuinness: Text messages and e-mails are often taken out of context because the individual on the recieving end are usually reading the message through their own emotions. It’s most definitely better to speak in person or via phone so she hears your tone. 🙂 ~~~GOOD LUCK~~~
Post # 13
I’m pretty sarcastic so I always put a “…” at the end of my sarcastic texts. So many people take me out of context. I am super glad to hear that you are going to call her. If you guys are close, then she should be willing to sit down and talk to you about how to make sure your weddings do not conflict.
Post # 14
Seriously…just do your thing, and if you overlap or are very close, then that’s just how it is. You can’t sit around and not set your date and wait for her, and you never know how things will pan out. You might go look at venues and they might not have the dates you want and you might have to pick something else out. Just do your thing and tell her what date you chose, once you put down a deposit. That way it is over, done with, and nothing else can change. I might sound callous, but I just don’t think you should let this dictate your wedding. Either that or pick a different month than what she wants and call it a day. It will be fine. Once you both have venues secured and are planning, things will calm down.