(Closed) I’m not sure I want a wedding anymore (long/vent)

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1303 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

No worries, you dont sound like a brat.  You are having a tough, frustrating time.  I’ve been there with the people not being excited about the engagement stuff, it can be so incredibly hurtful.  Im sorry you are having financial issues as well.  I have no advice apart from hang in there and tough it out.  It has to get better.  You are still marrying someone you love and that is a great blessing to focus on. (HUGS!!)

Post # 4
Member
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

You don’t sound like a brat, you sound frustrated. Which, in your position, is understandable. You’re right, not everyone will be as happy as you, but I don’t feel like expecting family to be excited is uncommon or bratty. It’s something we all as little girls pictured. The happy mom and the teary-eyed dad or whatever. It’s sad that they are being petty about this because of his HAIR and physical appearance. It seems really irrelevant to whether or not he is a good guy, which I’m sure he is.

I don’t know how old your Fiance is or how far along in school he is/will be when you’re married, but you two do know that once you’re married he can stop claiming his parents? My Fiance is in the same boat as far as his parents not actually doing anything but having to claim them. It’s frustrating and somewhat ridiculous. And he’ll be done with school when we’re married. It all works out in the end.

For the record, I’m happy for you and your Fiance. Do what you want as far as your wedding. Don’t do the courthouse unless you WANT to. It’s up to you. And if your parents don’t show, it makes them look bad and THEY should regret it one day. Not you. Since it isn’t your decision.

Post # 6
Member
3254 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Ultimately, your decision is up to you, but I want to share my experience in an attempt to make you feel better. I absolutely hate drama more than anything, and both of my sisters dropped out of the wedding party because they did not like the dresses and because they are mad at other family members who will be in attendance. I really seriously considered canceling the whole thing and just eloping somewhere, even though I had always wanted a wedding. My mom was straight with me and told me that if a wedding is something that my fiance and I want, then we need to do it for ourselves, invite the people we care about, and just be happy with whoever shows and cares. Never lose sight of the fact that this is a celebration of the love between you and your fiance, not a dramatic family event to be stressing about! Don’t let anyone else’s drama or problems bring you down. 

If money is what you’re really concerned about, you can have a smaller occasion and do it for a pretty reasonable price. My fiance and I have almost no money as we are recent college grads who are working full time jobs with benefits for the first time, so we haven’t had enough time to save up a ton, but we’re having fun with it and making it work. You can get great deals online on centerpieces, dresses, etc. that people have already purchased and are trying to resell! 

Stop stressing and enjoy your Thanksgiving. Have fun with this! After all, a wedding is supposed to be a good time!

Post # 7
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

I am really sorry you are having these issues.

Have you tried outlining your feelings to your mom in a letter. A letter allows you to really work with your reasoning and how it sounds. Outline to her that you are really sad that she can’t see past his appearance and that you arent able to share the wedding planning with her as you had always hoped. Let her know that you are hurt and sad, but that you love your fiance and he is what you want.

Sometimes when you tell someone how their behavior is making you feel, they look at themselves differently.  It’s worth a try and even if it doesnt work you know you were able to clearly explain to her what you are feeling and what you need from her.  And you can’t get it I hope that you can find a way to enjoy your wedding.

Good luck.

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