(Closed) I'm not sure I want to have a big wedding anymore. Please help.

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
990 posts
Busy bee

jessienicolestearns:  first off welcome to the Bee, I see you have never posted before.

Sorry you are going through this. most guys arent all “gung-ho” when it comes to wedding planning or anything associated with it, ie BUDGET.. its nice that he wants to give you the wedding that you deserve, but maybe he just doesnt know how you all are going to finance it which is why he shuts down completely whenever you bring it up. but you cant let it go on like this much longer. wedding planning can be stressful but it should not cause constant bickering. try to ease into the conversation and say everything you just said on here about how you would like the big wedding but at the same time it may not be plausible and how the most important thing u care about is the two of you marrying… he may feel like he is letting you down or that you are secretly gonna be upset if u dont have the big wedding. just tell him what you said here and im hoping he will open up to you and tell you his feelings..

and weddings are expensive, sure you can cut corners by deciding what your priorities are but if you are talking only $500 then a courthouse wedding might be the route to go (or a nice backyard or other alternative venue). u can still have a nice dinner after your courthouse wedding and even a vow renewal later with tons of friends and family when you have the finances to pull it off.

Just make sure that the next time you talk to him you are honest but not too pushy which can make him get defensive, let him know that you just want him to talk to you and that there arent any right or wrong answers and also tell him to tell you what he wants, not just what he thinks you want to here. Best of luck OP, Im sure things will work out. 

Post # 4
5930 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

jessienicolestearns:  YOur problem here is not about the wedding.  The problem is that your partner is refusing to communicate, compromise, plan, and generally make a useful contribution.

In my opinion, one of the things that actually makes the engagement process useful is that planning a wedding will force couples to negotiate through all sorts of real life issues that they’ll have to deal with as a married couple – money, religion, traditions, family boundaries, etc.  If he’s unwilling to do that, it may be foreshadowing of challenges to come in your marriage.  What about when he “wants to buy you the house you deserve” but refuses to look at your budget or save for a downpayment or make tradeoffs between cost and features (or whatever)?

You two need to address the underlying problems. 

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