(Closed) I'm not sure I'm "in love" anymore

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 47
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Backyard

@noname06:  Oh, honey. I would seriously think about how you have been feeling – and it started five months in? Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with this person that makes you feel (or not feel) this way?

I agree with a PP; do not marry him expecting him to change or act ANY DIFFERENTLY than he is now. He won’t change, and you will be unhappy.

I am sorry, but I do hope you make a move to treat yourself well!

Post # 48
Member
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@BeachBride2014:  this x100000.

I have a child. My Fiance isn’t his bio dad. To see him interact with love and patience with my son, I couldn’t love him any more than I do. The every day things he does for me or SO much more to me than flowers or cards. I had a husband who bought me things all the time, and he was a terrible human. I’ll take my Fiance who I have to tell exactly what presents to buy, over my fake, miserable Disney fairy tale any day. I love that I can 100% be confident that when the world becomes too much, my Fiance will be there happily, doing whatever he can to make life easier. Just something to consider.

Post # 49
Member
452 posts
Helper bee

<< @Zhabeego:  You didn’t know him him when he moved in and he didn’t know you. This is who he is. If you’re not happy eight months in, it’s unlikely to turn around in any kind of sustained way.>>

+1

I agree 100%. I got divorced from a really nice, great, wonderful, safe guy. I didn’t want to be married to my brother. I wanted affection and passion and a connection. Life’s way too short to be unfulfilled like it sounds like you are.

Post # 50
Member
10 posts
Newbee

I think  you need to give it a little more time. I think one thing we all need to remember is that no man is perfect. Is he honest? Is he loyal? Does he love you and put no one above you? I think those types of things are most important. I think you should sit down and really think “can I deal with the way he is? Do I want to spend the rest of my life with him and possibly have kids with him” I don’t think you should break up UNLESS you know in your heart that this is not the man you want to spend the rest of your life with. You deserve to be happy and be with someone who makes you happy.

Post # 51
Member
35 posts
Newbee

After the honeymoon period wears off is when you really figure out if you’re compatible or not.

I’ve been there, years ago I met a guy in the Nov, we were infatuated with each other – I moved into his house the following Feb. Around June/July is when the fights started and we broke up that Oct. I don’t regret it at all because at least I didn’t waste any more time on someone who wasn’t right for me. He’s a nice enough guy we just weren’t well suited. I’ve since found my FH and the difference in how we get along and interact together is night and day. 

I say say cut your losses now and be free for when the right guy comes along. 

Post # 52
Member
354 posts
Helper bee

It doesn’t sound like there’s a healthy foundation for a marriage. Relationships take work to maintain and grow – something that he doesn’t seem to understand, at least not yet. 

Post # 53
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@noname06:  Honestly, I think there isn’t really much to salvage.

 

You got caught up in the romance of the situation and now that the honeymoon period is over you’ve realised you’re not compatible.

 

You need to listen to your gut.

 

I know this sounds harsh, but this is the rest of your life you’re talking about. It doesn’t matter about how quickly or slowly you take things, if it’s not right, then it’s not right.

 

Post # 54
Member
1789 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - DD born 2015 DS born 2017

@BeachBride2014:  +1000

Presents are really quite shallow imo. What you described  about your Fiance is really what melts my heart about my own Fiance 🙂

Post # 55
Member
512 posts
Busy bee

I don’t think the guy needs to blamed for everything. Based on what you’ve said so far, he doesn’t seem to be a cad or an ass. 

Passion is important, but it waxes and wanes in most relationships, so it’s not the most reliable indicator of love and compatibility. A marriage based solely on passion is going to be a struggling one.

I think you really need to look inward on this one. Why did you two get engaged quickly? What made you say yes? How do you define love? What tangible/explainable things do you want out of a marriage? Can he provide this things? Can you provide what he needs? Are you ready to get married? Is he?

Of course you can cut your losses and leave now, but if you still can’t answer the above questions you’d be likely to repeat this again with another guy. So whatever you do, just make a self-aware decision.

Post # 56
Member
677 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think you rushed it.  It’s been 8 months and you are already engaged and live together?! You were still in the honeymoon phase when you made those decisions.  I remember when the honeymoon phase ended for us and I freaked out because I had never been there before.  I firmly believe you make a concious decision to love someone each and every day. Its not always rainbows and butterflies and you were bound to find out at some point that he isn’t perfect.  Only you can make the decision to love him each and every day.

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