(Closed) im not sure we are ever going to get married:/

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1566 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

What a crappy situation!!!  If you found the dress you want…then buy it!! The worst case is that you change your mind about styles and sell it.  Are your parents paying for the wedding??  As adults, why are you guys letting them control when you get married…I totally understand promising them that you would wait until after school.. but damn, 2015 is soooo far away!  I really feel or you guys…Can I ask how old your and your SO are?  How long have you been together? 

Post # 6
2522 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I totally get it.  We’re in a slightly similar situation.  My fiance and I agreed that we wouldn’t get married until he has a full-time job after graduation.  He wants to make certain that we have health insurance that covers us and any offspring (we’re Catholic so no birth control, and I’m not comfortable risking it with NFP w/o health insurance).  Anyways, we became engaged Jan. 2010 with the idea we’d be married May 2011 after graduation.  Well his program got extended, and we set alternative dates and they got pushed back again.  So now we have a tentative date in mind but it’s all on the fact that my Fiance get a full time job offer by this Christmas since the Catholic Church requires at minimum 6 months notice of marriage.

Oh and we’re paying for it ourselves.  Basically, we’re broke and barely make ends meet as it is.  So it’s come down to us, our parents and siblings at the wedding.  I want to be joyous about being married but everything that is wedding-related is tossed out with the exception of a stupid ceremony that will cost us $500 for a Church.  So now this tentative date is sometime in 2012 IF he gets a full time job offer by Jan, I feel completely tired of our wedding since we’ll have had a 2.5 year engagement and not even a big party at the end of it.

Can you tell I’m a little bitter about the Catholic Church and my Fiance’s engineering program?

EDIT: And I should add, that I’d be happier eloping with a Justice of the Peace, but no can do with my Fiance.  I keep compromising and it builds resentment.  I really don’t want to resent my Fiance, his family or the Catholic Church.

Post # 8
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I’m just playing devil’s advocate here because I don’t know you or your relationship – but what’s the rush?

I’m 27 now, I’ll be 28 when I get married in March. My fiance is 32, he’ll be 33 on our wedding day. Honestly, I was a completely different person at 21 than I am now. I’ve grown and changed a lot. You have a lot of time to be married, why not get settled and established with careers so you can support yourselves and your children? I’m not saying you can’t do that once you’re married but you have so much time and are so young. If you wait a little, it’ll give you time to grow as adults and a couple before you get married. 

I know this may not have been comforting or what you wanted to hear but I made HUGE mistakes in relationships when I was younger and I’m glad now that I waited until I was ready to take this huge step .

Post # 10
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Im ready to be married, and start a family in the next few (3-4) years, but as long as our parnts are incharge that wont be happening

trying not to be hurtful but if you feel this way then i dont think you are mature enough to be married – if you want to be an adult then make adult decisions including supporting yourself/dealing with the consequences of those decisions.  i am not saying you are too young (because ive seen mature 18yrs and dumb 40yrs) but at some point you have to be independent and make your own choices.  thankfully you are young which means you have plenty of time to achieve so many things so dont be in such a rush for everything right now, enjoy the now as it passes so quickly

Post # 12
3261 posts
Sugar bee

Forget what your parents say, they are not the ones living your life. If you have the intention to finish school, you will finish, and nothing will stand in your way. Therefore its silly to sit around and keep pushing back the date for your wedding that you WANT to happen, because of something like school. If school is something thats important to you, you’ll get it done. Why wait to be with someone you love because of a degree? Tomorrow is not promised to us.

“Parents, they give you life, then they want to give you their life.”

Post # 13
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

You are lucky that your parents are paying for school, but I think @eloping is right.  If you’re this dependent on your parents, you shouldn’t be married yet.  If you want to be married, you should be paying for your own things. If you can’t pay for yourself, you’re not mature enough to live on your own.  Would you be willing to take out school loans in order to get married sooner? If not, then you’re just going to have to deal with the cards you have.

Post # 14
921 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

we kinda made that deal but totally hated it in the end. we planned to get married when i finished school (finances wouldnt work out since i was paying for it myself) and i finally broke down and told him i dont want to go on with my major and i want to switch majors but idk when ill be able to get back into school. we decided that i can go back to school after we get married. (we also said no babies till after my master but im working on that one too lmao)

Post # 15
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011


i just had to pipe up because you and i are very similar in many respects, i am 21, my Fiance is 23. We also have been together five years. My parents also made it known they would prefer me to wait until i have finished university (my Fiance is already done). However the difference between us is that i am getting married next week. i love my parents, i respected their opinions but in the end my Fiance and i made the decision for ourselves. Of course, it helps that we are financially independent and so are payng for the wedding ourselves but the crux of the message is that if this is what you want for your life, there are ways to make it happen and it should be your choice.

I 100% understand the pressure you are under, and think its wonderful you want to honour your parents and their generosity towards you but at some point you must stand on your own feet. set that date for 2013 if thats when you want to get married, you’ll be finished (and earning?!) and many people are married at business school. I guess what i’m saying is make choices for yourselves and believe me your parents will respect them. At the end of the day this wedding is the beginning of your new family unit together, let your choice reflect that. My parents have been wonderful at accepting our choice and supporting us even though its not what they hoped. 

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