(Closed) Advice needed! Commitment phobe comes around???

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
802 posts
Busy bee

I am dating someone in his early 40s who is taking forever to be ready (getting there though!), but we’ve never broken up, and I will not move in unless we are married (it used to be engaged but now I need for both of us to be absolutely committed). Your gut sounds more trustworthy than mine though, so I would listen to it. Mine is pretty terrible! Good luck!

Post # 19
Member
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

good for you!  stay strong though, he will probably come crawling back soon!

Post # 21
Member
6430 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

I wouldn’t feel comfortable commiting to a relationship that has been so up and down and on and off so many times, especially over such a short period of time.

Post # 23
Member
6430 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

@whatsbest:  Sorry, I didn’t see this was an update post! But good for you for being strong and moving forward 🙂

Post # 24
Member
2405 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m very sorry it didn’t work out but I’m glad you have such a healthy attitude about ending things. You’re going to be fine, AND you’ll meet someone wonderful who won’t be too afraid to commit to you and your lives together!

Post # 25
Member
13 posts
Newbee

@whatsbest:  omg this is my story to a tee, only I’m nearly 40 and he’s 34! I’ve just done what you are doing…told him yesterday if he can’t show he is truly committed then I am no longer committed to him and will look to date other guys in time to come. I’ve been waiting nearly three years and like you have been in utter anguish over his inability to get his ass in gear! I bet your guy also got carried away promising you your hearts desires And then did nothing to prove he means what he says? I think sometimes men need a kick up the butt re commitment. Not all men of course, but it seems so many men only fully appreciate their woman when she’s gone. I nearly left my guy a few months ago and he was bereft and came back full of gusto, getting me to show him the ring I wanted. It was following a lecture from his dad and his partner telling him he needs to treat me right etc. but like you, I got scared and worried this sudden desire to make plans wasn’t going to last. He said how awful he’s been making me wait. We did look at rings but once he got me back, he started dodging commitment once again. I finally called it quits yesterday and told him I’m not longer committed. 

 

I totally empathise with your plight. How are things working out for you now? 

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