Post # 1
Hi bees! “New” to the hive in terms of posting…long time board lurker
Anyway, I’m wondering if anyone has ever had this type of encounter with a best friend (or even just friend) who is already engaged…here’s the sitch.
First, let me say…I know the day will be here before I know it. I accidentally found a receipt and I know my SO has purchased the ring, now I’m playing dumb…and waiting…very impatiently.
Last night I went to dinner with my very best friend who is engaged to be married early next year. And as such, since I tell her everything…I told her what I had found last week. She suddenly withdrew a ton and got extremely quiet throughout dinner. I am her Maid/Matron of Honor so after telling her the story I went straight into Maid/Matron of Honor gear and started talking about what we’ve done and what needs to get done for HER wedding when out of nowhere she cuts me off and says…
“I don’t think you should get engaged this year. It would be weird since I’m planning my wedding right now. It would just be really weird. I don’t think it’s a good idea. Would you like me to talk to [SO]?”
WHAT?! I was actually stunned silent. Talk to him? About not proposing? Holy crap. When she saw my face she sort of brushed it off and said, “well just a suggestion. whatever, no big deal. good luck.”
I don’t want to wait…just because she thinks itd be WEIRD. I expected more from her and now I’m a bit disappointed and unsure what to think?
Post # 3
She must have just seen Bride Wars… I wouldn’t worry about it- millions of weddings and no two are ever the same.She might have been surprised, a true friend will think it over and kick herself for being so rude when she should have been happy.
Post # 4
Your friend may be worried that you will steal her thunder. It’s ridiculous though, and she sounds immature. Do you think there is any chance she would go to your SO behind your back?
Post # 5
@thenuggetbride: yknow, I don’t think so. but then again, I didn’t think she’d have this reaction? I hope not! that would be mortifying.
Post # 6
Thats not a reponse you want to hear! I wouldnt worry about it, she may just be feeling like its her time to be the bride and she is afraid your engagement might over shadow it..and I feel like this is an easy (yet unfair) first reaction to have.
I wouldnt worry about it and make sure that when you DO get engaged, you are still the attentive Maid/Matron of Honor you have always been 🙂 then she will hopefully be excited to share this special time with you
Post # 7
Do you think it’s possible that she’s in on the surprise your Boyfriend or Best Friend has planned for the big proposal? Maybe she’s trying to throw you off.
ETA: if that’s not the case, she’s a dick.
Post # 8
I agree with the other ladies she may feel it will take her shine.. but to me she should be happy and know as your best friend that would not happen besides it wouldnt be like you guys are getting married the same day or something. I honestly found it very selfish of her to say that to you at all.
Post # 9
I totally agree with the rest of ladies!
Post # 10
Thanks so much ladies! I figure I can talk to her again about it at a later time and just figure out where her reaction stemmed from…I guess I was just a bit taken aback. Thanks again!
Post # 11
People are so weird.
She’s probably afraid that you’re going to lose interest in her wedding, or that as the newly engaged girl, you’re going to steal her spotlight, or one of those other totally stupid and irrational things.
I assume, because you’re her Maid/Matron of Honor, you’re really close to this person, and I think you need to tell her that her reaction really hurt you, that as your friend, you had thought she would be happy for you, and that you feel like she’s expecting you to put your entire life on the backburner for her wedding (because that is *exactly* what she asked you to do.) I think you should also listen to her feelings, and let her talk about what she’s concerned about that made her react that way. We don’t always have the right to feel a certain way, but it doesn’t stop us from feeling that way.
Congratulations on your impending engagement! 🙂
Post # 12
I would have smacked the scank. Maid/Matron of Honor or not. BFF or not. *Smack* “Ho….”
Post # 13
A girl I used to be friends with did something similar. She got angry with me because I was putting my relationship with my FH (just Boyfriend or Best Friend at the time, but we knew engagement/marriage was in our future) ahead of her wedding… that was in 2 years. I might’ve understood her problem if the wedding was in a couple weeks or months.
I dropped her so fast and haven’t looked back. Mutual friends have told me she’s borderline obsessed with me now, but I’m not dealing with her antics again.
Granted, that wasn’t the only time she had done something like that, but it was the straw that broke the camel’s back.
I would suggest you have a serious talk with this girl. She needs to know that your engagement will not affect her wedding, but you will get engaged when you and your SO see fit. If she can’t deal with that, she’ll have to find a new Maid/Matron of Honor.
And if she can’t deal with it, I would reevaluate your friendship with this girl.
Post # 14
Sorry but she’s being totally ridiculous and extremely selfish. I could kind of understand if her wedding was next week, but it’s months away! So she’s basically expecting you to put your life on hold until next spring just because she’s having this selfish, bratty, childish fit about someone else daring to get engaged within several months of her own wedding!
If she’s your friend then presumably she knows how much you want to get engaged, and a true friend wouldn’t try to stand in the way of your happiness. If my best friend got engaged while I was planning my wedding, I’d squee with excitement because we could go to wedding exhibitions together and do all kinds of fun stuff. She’s just being selfish and isn’t a very good friend.
My concern would be that she’ll go to your SO behind your back and convince him not to propose, claiming it’s for your own good, i.e. “You’ll totally ruin the proposal because she won’t feel special if you propose while I’m planning my wedding. You should wait until my wedding is over and she can have the limelight to herself”, etc.
If she’s a good friend in other ways then I’d talk to her and see if you can sort something out. But if she’s genuinely so selfish that she wants to stop you getting engaged and being happy, I’d dump her.
Post # 15
I would talk to her about it and ask her how far away from her wedding she feels comfortable with you having yours. I can kind of understand her concern, though bringing it up like that was way inappropriate!! If it were me, I would just worry about your wedding being really close to mine and people coming to yours instead of mine or something. If I were you, I would tell her I wouldn’t have my wedding before hers, and I won’t have it less than a month after or something.