Post # 1
I’m not thin. Not by a longshot. And I don’t actually want to be. I have a lovely hourglass figure of which I’m very proud and in my culture, most men (and women, for that matter) consider my curvy physique to be near-ideal. However, I noticed that when I went wedding dress shopping, the ladies in the salons were full of compliments about how thin certain dresses made me look. They were all:
“OMG, that dress is so slenderizing! It’s perfect for you” and
“look at the tiny waist you have with the corset. buy it immediately!”
I realized that they were trying to pay me a compliment (in a way), but it was just kind of off-putting. I don’t consider thin-ness to be a measure of beauty. Not sure if I took minor offense in part because the ladies saying this were usually thin. It’s like they were implicitly telling me that I should strive to look more like them and less like me, which is audacious at best. I would have been equally confused/put-off if someone had said to me “This dress is beautiful! look how light this makes your skin look!” See?
On any given day, I choose clothing that flatters me and highlights my best features; I’ve never focused on looking “thin.” My wedding will be no different.
This has been on my mind throughout my dress shopping experience and I thought I’d mention it to you bees and see if you encountered anything similar. I expect a lot of people will feel that I’m overthinking this and that’s cool too. But I just KNOW there’s some bee who feels me on this!
Post # 3
@Overjoyed: ugh I hear you! I actually am a stick figure and I find it so incredibly annoying when I put a dress on and the first reaction is OMG you’re so tiny! (My old eating disordered self would have loved it) but now it’s just like um who cares?! I could put on 30 lbs and still rock the dress. I’m so over our culture’s emphasis on thinness. It’s ridic! I hate when people automatically assume you want to look thinner than you are (which is what those types of comments – omg that dress makes your waist look so tiny – imply in my opinion.)
By The Way – curves ROCK! I wish I had some!
Post # 4
aww come on, I definitely put spaces between my paragraphs! Don’t do me like that!
Post # 5
I felt the same way. I’m a size 8 and I would love to lose 20lbs but I have no desire to be a size 0 or 2 nor did I want to find a dress so I could try and look way smaller. After the first few shops, I began to ignore them and focus on ME and what I thought since I had to buy it, wear it, and love it.
Post # 6
Obnoxious! I want to look beautiful and that is not the same thing as thin. Next time a dress consultant says something like that you might want to gently remind her of that… “thanks for your input, but I’m actually not trying to hide or change this rockin’ bod!”
Post # 7
It is not the consultant’s fault. As a society we idolize being thin so that is what a lot of brides want.
Post # 8
I think a lot of that comes from the fact that you’re trying on Giant. White. Dresses. I didn’t want to look thinner per se, but I did want my dress not to make me look like the biggest thing in the room. (Which is a real concern for me especially, cause I’m REALLY tall and fairly athletic.) So whether a dress made me look bigger or smaller was definitely one of the things I was interested in.
Post # 9
it’s so frustrating that our society today has decided that beauty means skinny. it isn’t necessary and everyone is different. beauty is a unique experience for all.
Post # 10
I hear you, girl! I looooove a woman with curves. Most women are built to have some meat on them. I’m pretty happy with the way I look, though I want to be more toned. I don’t want to be skinny by any means though. It wouldn’t look right on me. I love my hips, I love my butt, and I don’t want a dress that makes it look as though I don’t have the curves I carry. It’s sad that society has such a thin ideal.
Post # 11
@Overjoyed: Isn’t it weird? My mom’s go-to “compliment” is “Have you lost weight?” She asks me that EVERY SINGLE TIME I see her. It’s especially baffling since I’ve consistantly been gaining for the past 3 years, yet still every time I see her “Oh, you’ve lost weight!” When I tell her “no, I’ve actually gained 5 lbs since last time I saw you” she says “oh, can’t be!” …. WTF? It’s not just me, this is her “compliment” for everyone in the family. Granted, she has fluctuated between 100 and 200 for the past 30 years (more often at the lower end, very rarely close to 200), so I think it’s more about her own priorities and sense of self. I did just start Weight Watchers though, so now I’ll have to hear her gushing when she realizes I really am losing weight. Why is it such a big deal?
People are weird. Enjoy your dress shopping anyway! 🙂
Post # 12
@Cady: I understand about society, I do.
(not directed at anyone in particular) But…thin is the very opposite of what I am. In what other context would it be appropriate to suggest to someone (someone who is fixing to spend more than a thousand dollars, at that) that they should aspire to look like the very opposite of themselves. That’s why I mentioned skin-color, above. If a makeup artist had told me…”oh definitely go with the taupe/toast/tan foundation because it makes your skin look sooo much lighter” would I not conclude that she did not find my natural complexion to be satisfactory?
Post # 13
@Overjoyed: Lol this happened to me in the opposite direction during my first makeup trial. I tend to be fair skinned and I didn’t want to have a zillion freckles in my wedding photos. I live in Florida, and I have been fairly tan before, but it also makes me freckle on my arms/face/shoulders, so back when Darling Husband proposed to me, I started wearing sunscreen every day religiously. So I got rather pale.
The makeup artist kept trying to get me to go with a darker foundation so I wouldn’t look “washed out” in our photos. I’m like… What’s wrong with that? Some people are white. Being tan wouldn’t necessarily make me prettier lol.
Post # 14
Honestly I think it’s just ingrained in bridal consultants that all brides want to look thinner, because in reality about 95% of all brides DO want to look their thinnest.
Post # 15
@rachelmichelle: “Some people are white. Being tan wouldn’t necessarily make me prettier”
yessss! Exactly! Goodness.
Post # 16
I’m pretty pale. I used to tan as a teen but now in my 20’s I want to care for my skin. I wear sunscreen every day! On my arms, chest, face, and whatever part of my skin that is showing. I hate that being tan is considered attractive. I struggle sometimes when I see a girl who I think is pretty and has tan skin, but I’m not going to damage my skin for beauty. I just try to remember that when I’m 50, my skin will still look smooth and soft, not wrinkly and sun spotty.