(Closed) I’m on the edge…

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

((HUGS)) trust me you can definitely come back from the edge, but perhaps let him know that a lot of planning money etc comes into the proposal and you want to make sure you have time for everything.

Post # 5
1154 posts
Bumble bee

Eh, I see that “it won’t be a surprise if I tell you” excuse here on the boards and eeeeeh, when it’s a question of what week yeah okay but what year?  I don’t buy it.  I  mean, I’m sure he’s being sincere but I don’t think it’s a valid excuse. It’s kind of assholish.

First, guys doing this huge build up where it has to be a surprise is why there are so many posts about girls disapointed with their proposals. 

Second, you deserve to know where he is in respect to your relationship.  If he doesn’t want to get married till five years from now you deserve to know that so you can make decisions based on that.

Now if he doesn’t know when he’ll be ready that’s one thing but to refuse to tell you just out of spite/desire for surprise is another.

Of course guys don’t get it – because in this situation they are the ones with the power instead of miserable.  But they only have that power if you give it to them, if you follow Mr. Bees well recieved plan and let him know that you won’t wait forever if marriage is important to you you can neutralize it a little bit.

Post # 7
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

maybe tell him that your having one of those ‘oh my goodness i’m turning 29 and that’s very close to 30’ moments and that’s why the topic is on your mind.  has he said it’s definitely happening within the next 5 years?  you could always tease him and say ‘well if you don’t propose by the time i turn 31, then i just might have to propose to you. 

i turned 29 last month and it hasn’t quite sunk in…i mean, i almost said i was 28 the other day when someone asked how old i was.  i’ve told mr. banana that i want to be married before i turn 30, even if that’s just a secret courthouse wedding (that would also allow me to go on his insurance when my cobra runs out next january if i don’t have my own insurance by then). 

Post # 8
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Claxton Farm


I’m in the just-turned-29 category too, as well as many of my friends. I thought I was alone in feeling the need to reevaluate EVERYTHING and feeling a little (or a lot, at times!) insecure about being 29, but I’ve found almost all of my friends are going through similar anxieties and self-evaluations. 

No real suggestions, but just know you’re not alone! Maybe articulating these anxieties are also really helpful for you figuring out the root of some of your feelings! (For me, it was/is!)


Post # 10
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

You’re so patient!  That response from him would have driven me crazy.  I mean, I understand how men want to surprise us, but if it’s something that you’re clearly concerned/upset about, having a clarifying conversation about your future seems WAY more important than keeping a proposal year secret.  I would at least want to know what page is he on — whether he was sure about me, what his timetable was looking like. 

I completely understand about sounding like one of “those women” that you never thought you’d be.  I’m so there!  I can’t believe how much I think about it sometimes.

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