(Closed) I’m one of her bridesmaids…should she be one of mine?

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
463 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

it is absolutely not rude if you have others you are closer to.  i feel that brides shouldn’t be obligated to ask someone, just because they were that in that person’s bridal party.  if she’s a true friend, she’ll understand 🙂

Post # 4
Member
539 posts
Busy bee

I don’t think you would have to. Ask who you want to be in your wedding. She will understand I am sure. I had a hard time chosing our BM’s too, but in the end I just went with my instincts and those who I know support my Fiance and I and will be friends/family forever.  I have been in plenty of weddings, but none (besides my sister) are BM’s in my wedding.

Post # 6
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

i was in my friend’s wedding in november, but didn’t ask her to be in mine in feb. she’s a good friend, but i only wanted family members in the wedding and it was very small, just two bridesmaids. she wasn’t offended at all.

Post # 7
Member
7152 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Not at all. None of the ladies whose weddings I was in are in mine. You pick your close friends and who you think will help and support you. There are NO obligations.

Post # 8
Member
446 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I am going through the SAME thing — a friend of mine asked me to be  Bridesmaid or Best Man in her NOV wedding — I tried to tell her beforehand that if she was thinking about it, I would NOT AT ALL be offended if she didn’t ask me.  I told her this knowing full well that I wouldn’t make her a bridesmaid.

I’m buying the dresses and everything adds up.  I have closer friends, and really, I just can’t afford it.

We have a mutual friend who knows the whole situation, and she assures me that my friend will NOT be offended.   I think a good question to ask is if YOU wouldn’t be offended if they did not make YOU a bridesmaid — your answer, like mine, is “no”.  I think you are totally fine.  I think the hard part is telling them they won’t be in your wedding — or finding a way to effectively do so.  Good luck!

Post # 9
Member
446 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I am going through the SAME thing — a friend of mine asked me to be  Bridesmaid or Best Man in her NOV wedding — I tried to tell her beforehand that if she was thinking about it, I would NOT AT ALL be offended if she didn’t ask me.  I told her this knowing full well that I wouldn’t make her a bridesmaid.

I’m buying the dresses and everything adds up.  I have closer friends, and really, I just can’t afford it.

We have a mutual friend who knows the whole situation, and she assures me that my friend will NOT be offended.   I think a good question to ask is if YOU wouldn’t be offended if they did not make YOU a bridesmaid — your answer, like mine, is “no”.  I think you are totally fine.  I think the hard part is telling them they won’t be in your wedding — or finding a way to effectively do so.  Good luck!

Post # 10
Member
493 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Personally, I like to think that there are NO RULES as to who you must have in your bridal party.  There are no obligations to have anyone in your wedding just because you were in theirs.  One of my good friends has been a maid of honor in 5 weddings in the past few years (and has been just a bridesmaid in a few more).  Can you imagine??  She’s getting married next year but there’s no way she can have all of those girls in her bridal party.  Don’t EVER feel obligated to have ANYONE in your wedding.. If you ask someone just bc you feel obligated there’s a good chance you’ll look back years down the road and regret your decision.

Post # 11
Member
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

No, you don’t need to ask her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. Perhaps you could ask her to be a personal attendant or do a reading during the ceremony. It sounds like you’re looking for a smaller wedding party; she’ll understand especially if you have friends whom you’re closer with or have known for longer. 

I am getting married this October (10/22 also!) and have 4 BMs. I did not ask a close girl friend of mine… who has since gotten engaged and asked ME to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man in her wedding, she’s having 7 BMs. I felt awful for not asking her to be in my wedding… and it’s a little awkward, but I’m trying to include her in other ways. 

Post # 12
Member
433 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I have a few girls in my bridal party who are engaged and I am not in their weddings. I am not offended whatsoever! 🙂 Do what makes you happy! It’s your (and your FIs) day!

Post # 13
Member
2742 posts
Sugar bee

Ha, I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man in a friend’s wedding a couple months ago and she came right out and stated “I hope I will be in your bridal train”… all my friends know I have always said I will have two, my sisters. If you are not my sister, no matter how close, you ain’t cutting it. Which is what I repeated to her (she’d heard it before). In a nicer way of course 🙂

Post # 14
Member
4485 posts
Honey bee

I have never understood this logic personally. Either you know if you want someone as an attendant or you don’t. There is no middle ground. If you are questioning this, the answer is more often than not a “no”. Don’t ask anyone just to have even numbers, or because your were in their wedding, etc. if you really had no intentions of asking them in the first place.

Post # 15
Member
420 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

You should have whoever you want and feel closest to. This was a bit of an issue for me–well, still is– my father is remarried and wants his wife’s daughter included. But we are only having Maid/Matron of Honor and Best Man, no BM/GM. I want my FI’s sister to be my Maid/Matron of Honor and my dad virtually shouted at me and told me to brace myself for the consequences. Ha.

P.S. I don’t get along with my step-sibling AT.ALL.

I think on this day of my life, I want my FI’s sister there, smack talking her brother, to put me at ease and make me laugh. She has great humour and as I have been with Fiance for 9 years, she and I know eachother very well and are quite close.

I don’t care what anyone thinks. As far as I am concerned, people can stuff their opinions. Smile  Heh. Sorry for the blatant hostility!!!

Post # 16
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: August 2010

i think you should choose the people you want & those that are most important to you.

with that being said, i had a good friend ask me to be in her April wedding & later when I got engaged and didn’t ask her to be in mine she kicked me out of her bridal party! (3 months before her wedding- after I had already paid for my Bridesmaid or Best Man dress…)

you need to do whatever makes you happy on your day.

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