(Closed) I'm One Step From Leaving Him

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 31
Member
3828 posts
Honey bee

I don’t get it…it doesn’t sound like he’s dragging his feet at all. It sounds like every time you bring these things up, he is on board and follows suit. You clearly understand that’s his personality and that he doesn’t generally take the lead with things, so not sure why you would expect differently with the proposal. It’s only been 3 weeks…if what’s important to you is that you are with him and that you have a good relationship, then maybe you should let him have this time to prepare his proposal himself without all the prodding. Am I missing something? There literally doesn’t sound to be anything wrong with what he’s doing.

Post # 32
Member
1189 posts
Bumble bee

 

I call BS on the financial excuse. If you’re two adults, living on your own, paying your own bills, then why wait. There is never a “perfect” financial time when you constantly moving forward in your careers. 

I’m with previous poster who are confused as to why did he buy a ring over a year ago and still hasn’t proposed. To me, it sounds like he’s telling you about the various “steps” to get you off his back. The big one that sticks out to me is that he asked your dad but now hold up, he needs to ask your mom too. 

Sorry…:( sh*tty situation.

Post # 35
Member
452 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

He’s trying to apply for med school in his mid 30’s? If you’re in the US, that’s $40-50K per year x 4 years. And if he actually wants to practice clinical medicine as opposed to going to a consulting firm immediately post med school, he’ll likely be in residency for at least another 3 years, working 80 hours/week and making something like $50K per year.  It doesn’t sound like he’s settled with his career at all, and it’s definitely not a great time for big expenses.  I understand why he postponed the engagement if he has all this on his plate.  If you wanted to do a courthouse wedding and just have the paperwork done, then perhaps it doesn’t matter, but you should let him know.

Have you thought about how stressful and financially challenging it will be for both of you to be in school for the next 3 or so years?  Have you prepared for this?

Post # 40
Member
3828 posts
Honey bee

View original reply
kiki999 :  I still don’t get why dumping someone is the accepted course of action. Would it be better or worse if he had not bought a ring at all? To me, it sounds like you both have a lot on your plates and perhaps this is just not a priority for him right now. Not everyone puts the same weight on proposals and marriage. My DH went back to school right around the time he proposed, and he initially could not imagine dealing with school and a wedding at the same time, and the thing that was easiest to wait on was the proposal since it really wasn’t time sensitive. You know your SO best. If it feels like he’s delaying things because he doesn’t actually want to commit to you…sure, I’d think about walking away. If he has every intention of getting married and is fully commited (which it sounds like he is), I don’t see the problem in having some patience. I know couples who got married after one year, and couples who have been together 10+ years who haven’t gotten married yet. It may upset you in social situations, but it sure as hell isn’t a reflection of the quality of your relationship IMO.

Post # 42
Member
1490 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
kiki999 :  So let’s say you leave. Then what? You’re fed up with his timing…so then take this into account: If you’ll be starting law school, good luck dating in that first year. It’s living through hell on its own if you care even an tad about your grades. Everyone is freaked out at school and you’ll be so busy reading and studying that you won’t have time for much of a social life outside of it.

So, that said, you’ll have a good year of nothingness going on in the love department if you decide to leave him. Not saying it’s bad or that you shouldn’t decide to leave…but I am saying that your reasoning here doesn’t make sense if the timing is your issue.

He has the ring, he has permission. It’s not like other bees on here who have SOs that won’t even TALK about a ring…your guy bought one! Relax. It’s coming soon. My Fiance had my ring for a while and it wasn’t until we SCHEDULED (yes, scheduled) a date for him to propose because I was in law school and so incredibly busy that every time he tried to propose my schedule got in the way.

Post # 45
Member
229 posts
Helper bee

HES GOING TO PROPOSE SOON!!!!!!!!! YAY

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