(Closed) I'm One Step From Leaving Him

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 46
Member
229 posts
Helper bee

YOU DONT LEAVE HIM AFTER THE RING IS READY AND HE JUST ASKED UR DAD TO MARRY YOU, JUST WAIT HELL DO IT. HES PLANNING A SURPRISE. NOW IF 3 MONTHS GOES BY OK LEAVE HIM BUT NOT AFER 3 WEEKS!!

Post # 47
Member
1484 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
kiki999 :  are you in law school now? I’m confused then because I thought you said you were going into law school 

Why don’t you just ask him flat out: Hey SO, what’s going on with the ring? When will it be on my finger? 

Have you seen the ring? 

Post # 50
Member
661 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I’ll be the first to admit, I found waiting to be SOOO HARD, there were also moments that I thought I was going to break. 

That being said, from the time Fiance got the ring (paid off in full) to the proposal was about 3 and a half months, not a year. Your case is pretty special since your SO asked for your father’s blessing just three weeks ago. I know this is probably the last thing you want to hear, but I feel you should wait just a little bit longer. If it would make you feel better, ask him what his timeline is for a proposal. My Fiance had said by the end of May and he litterally waited til the last possible moment to do so (and he barely planned a thing – I mentioned we should go for a picnic AND I packed the food lol). 

That being said, you should communicate to him what your expectations are too, and let him know this is how your feeling! 

What are you hoping to gain by leaving?

 

ETA: Also, his friends treating you different even though you’ve been in a 5 year relationship is BS and a dick move on their part.

Post # 51
Member
900 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I think you should give him a little more time. If he knows that you know he talked to your dad-he probably wants some time to go by to make a proposal more of a surprise!  Seriously-take a deep breath and remember: ONLY 3 WEEKS ago he was planning to marry you and was serious enough to talk to your dad.  Unless he’s said he changed his mind, you can keep reminding yourself he’s planning to marry you.  It’s taking a long time and feels slow to you, but he is actually taking steps to marry you.

Give him a few more weeks and distract yourself with staying busy/whatever. But I think if it’s only been a few weeks, it’s not like it’s been months since his plan to marry wasn’t on his mind….

Post # 53
Member
661 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
kiki999 :  Oh dear, I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way 🙁 

Post # 54
Member
4360 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

All of your posts are around YOUR time lines,  not a time line that you came up with together….have you asked what his is? How he would see things playing out if you didn’t push?

Post # 55
Member
8601 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Dear god woman you must walk! He is wasting your time*

or maybe a few months? Talking to your dad and he bought the ring… Drop it completely and see what happens then walk.. 

Post # 57
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

View original reply
kiki999 :  First off, you’re awesome. I think the conversation where you laid it all out for him was great. I know you’re getting flak for it but you have every right to tell him exactly how you feel. It blows my mind that some women feel like you need to walk on eggshells to save his feelings. He’s not doing you a favor by marrying you and this isn’t a one-sided transaction where you have everything to gain and he has nothing!

Second, I think you should re-frame this. It’s not, oh you want to marry him so much it makes you want to break up. You’re communicating to him that you’re at a higher level of commitment and although he says he’s in the same place his actions don’t reflect that.

You’re the one in the situation so you know him best and from your responses here it sounds like you genuinely think he’s stalling and wasting your time. If you really feel that way then unfortunately you’re probably right. I get that he just asked your dad 3 weeks ago but since he’s had the ring for a year and is now saying he needs to talk to your mom, too, it does feel like he’s using some stalling tactics for whatever reason. If you really thought he was waiting over financial stuff and not something deeper would you really be this upset?

If you want to give it one last try maybe consider telling him that if you don’t get a proposal in X amount of time then you’re going to propose to him. Gauge his reaction and see if he’s just nervous to propose or if he’s really not being honest about wanting to be engaged. If he’s not ready now and you are then it sounds like that’s a dealbreaker. It’s okay for you to be in that place just like it’s okay for him to not be ready but it does mean that you’re no longer compatible.

Post # 58
Member
342 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Rydges Hotel

I think I can understand where you are coming from. You like to take charge of your life and want to persuade your career. The waiting is making you feel unlike yourself, you feel like you’d been lead on and you don’t like it. 

I do think you should at least wait 2 months after he had a talk with both of your parents though. He is strolling a bit but he is getting there. 

The question is, now that you have set time for yourself and can look back, do you still want to spend the rest of your life with him? 

Whatever conclusion you end up with, I hope for the best.

Post # 59
Member
415 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - Hunting Hill Mansion

I usually take these posts with a grain of salt because waiting can be really, really hard. Especially with so many signs that he just might do it soon. But what struck me as very bizarre here is the year of sitting on the ring. A few months might be acceptable if he wants to plan out something really cool but a year is questionable. I can’t think of a legitimate reason to wait that long.

I think it’s time to walk. You’ll be busy with law school and meet more people than you can ever hope to keep track of. It’s an fascinating and all-consuming world. A break up will be hard, impossibly so, but I think you’ll be relieved that you don’t have to wait around for this guy anymore. You deserve better (aka someone on the same page)

Post # 60
Member
1286 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Do you love him?

The ring was there for a year and you didnt say anything, but now 3 weeks is too much? the way you talk about leaving so easily makes me wonder.

You’ve already talked to him and he told you it will be soon, think how much more waiting is it worth and if he doesnt propose by your timeline, leave.

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