(Closed) I'm One Step From Leaving Him

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 81
Member
497 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

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kiki999 :  Good luck with everything!  

Post # 82
Member
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

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kiki999 :  lol wtf!  My reply was one of the briefer ones, but please don’t feel scared off. If people gave you the impression they think you’re shallow or settling, well, fuck ’em, right?  They don’t know you or your relationship.  And it’s super sexist to just automatically accuse women of being ring-hungry. Also, fuck people who think they know what grad school is like when they’ve never enrolled in a grad program themselves — they have no idea wtf they’re talking about, ignore them. It’s not like life ceases to go on once you decide to get a doctorate.

I’m also in a PhD program.  I totally feel you on what it’s like being so anxious about waiting despite all the other important shit going on in our lives.  I hope you stay, if only so I can have another fellow waiting grad student keeping me company on here. 🙂

Post # 83
Hostess
4576 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

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kiki999 :  Please don’t leave bee!  The bees are pretty honest, but most people around here are really awesome and only respond because we see a ton of posts where women wait around and never get engaged.  FWIW, I’m super Type A and independant too (also a lawyer!) and was still stressed about whether my now-FI’s intentions were to ever propose. 

Post # 86
Member
5304 posts
Bee Keeper

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kiki999 :  Sweetie you and your BF sound alot like my Fiance and I when we were waiting. And by ‘we were  waiting’ I mean he was dragging his ass and I was being driven batshit crazy with the ass dragging. He always said he wanted to marry me and he’d propose ‘soon’, but like you and your BF I’m a type A planner, impatient, etc & he’s a laid back, patient guy, MY definition of ‘soon’ and his definition of ‘soon’ do not mesh! If I hadn’t Fat Tony’d him for my ring I’d prob still be waiting while he endlessly planned ways to propose to me still. 

And I think the very fact that you’re a strong independent type, not someone sitting there dreamily writing out your name with his surname attached to it in the margins of your spiral notebook, is the very thing that makes waiting so hard. You’re used to making decisions and plans etc, not waiting in limbo for someone else to make a move, so waiting for him to propose is counterintuitive to someone who is used to being strong and in control of a situation, to be a modern woman and equal partner in all other aspects, then be expected to sit there waiting for your prince to come like some Disney princess. 

If he’s asked your dad for his blessing, it does honestly sound like he has something planned. My advice would be to set a time frame for yourself – as in ‘I’ll give him another 2 weeks to propose”, then if he is still sitting on the ring, I would have an extremely frank no-nonsense talk with him. Some guys get so hung up on planning the proposal, and fixated on it being a surprise (insert eyeroll), that they truly don’t get it- even if we’ve tried telling them before!- that it’s the dragging-it-out that’s hurting the moment, not how elaborate the proposal is or that it somehow be a complete and utter shock when it happens. 

Good luck Bee

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