Post # 1
I feel like im 89 years old. Im tired all the time, Im sluggish even on good days. My hair doesn’t grow fast or healthy. My skin is always dry and dull and I have a good skin routine in place. I just generally do not feel good at all. I have been hitting the gym now for some months on a regular basis and that helps but not a whole lot of weight has come off. My doctor has also done some tests to see if there was any issues that might be contributing to my general feeling of grossness. There isn’t anything wrong with me. But I figured out the problem and it’s harder to tackle than I imagined.
I eat crap. All the time. Like my diet just isn’t good at all. I have had a very warped view of what is good for me and what isn’t and I also have kind of tricked myself into believing I wasn’t doing as much damage to myself as I have been. Not to mention that every social event I go to involves eating and drinking. Even the simplest of things involves this in some way. Bowling? innocent enough except I like to drink plenty of cold beer while I bowl. Movies? awesome except I love movie popcorn with all the terrible butter and salt and a cold coke to go with it. Meeting up with family and friends is usually done in some place with food and drink and it’s all bad for me. My life is just full of crap and I have zero self control when it comes to eating.
So very quietly I started seeing a counselor about my connection to food and with her and my regular doctor we have come up with a very good but also very difficult plan. Starting this friday I will be starting a very very clean diet. I have a list of approved foods that I can eat for 45 days. It’s a way to train myself and it will be done in rounds with two week “breaks” in between. Those breaks don’t really mean I can give up clean eating, it just means that I can have *some* things here and there that normally are not allowed. It’s designed to both get me healthy and to teach me that it’s ok to enjoy food and drinks but it has to be done in moderation. It’s not a free for all.
Bees I’m terrified of starting this. But im excited. I think I’m mostly afraid that I’ll fail at it. That I’ll never break my addiction to crappy food. Somewhere in my life I took a wrong turn and food and drink has become my comfort for EVERYTHING. im stressed? I eat or drink. Im happy? I eat or drink to celebrate whatever it is that im happy about. Im sad? I eat and drink to cheer myself up. I’m bored? I eat and drink to occupy myself and socialize. It’s just a never ending battle for me to break my habit of always wanting and turning to food and drink for emotional reasons. good and bad.
I have a good support system in place. A few of my good friends are on board with me so we are all going to suffer together and focus on feeling good in both mind and body. I am going to continue my counseling and regular meetings with my doctor.
I guess I just needed to vent. And to admit openly somewhere that this is such a problem for me. It’s embarrassing and it really is a struggle. People think “well it’s just a choice. Just make better choices”. But it really isn’t that simple. It’s truly something that mentally just is a struggle. I know what good choices are, this isnt’ about me being stupid. It’s that I just dont’ like the feeling of being stripped of my comforts that I choose comfort over being smart and healthy. Which is a sad state of affairs.
So in the next few days I will be getting myself mentally prepared for the coming days. I may not be on here as much due to work and other things. Hopefully just me writing this will maybe help someone else or maybe it will just be an empty vent that has made me feel better.
Either way, I hope everyone has a good monday and a good week. Stay warm people! (I’m in chicago where it’s freezing balls so….)
Post # 3
@stardustintheeyes: I completely understand where you’re coming from! I bought some veggies to try eating better, ate raw carrots for 2 days then stopped. Blech. Pepperoni pizza, cold can of Coke, and the occasional piece of chocolate aren’t helpful, but they taste way better than bland chicken and rice.
Too bad there’s not a support board on here for others to encourage each other to stay on track. That would be awesome. You could call it the “Don’t let me eat crap” thread!
Post # 4
@stardustintheeyes: You sound like me, I’m the fattest skinny girl you’ll ever meet. I’m lucky to have a good metabolism, but after taking it for granted for so many years, it’s starting to catch up to me at 30.
Everything you listed above is linked to your food choices, no doubt about it. May I ask, what is your SO’s contribution? My FI is very health and well-being conscious, and I picked up on that which helps.
Another thing that REALLY helps is setting a goal for yourself. Like plan for a mini vacay or something that will make you want to look and feel your best. Also, once you start seeing results, the will to want to continue it is immediate.
You’ll do it. You may have a few relapses, and that’s OK. Starting is DEFINITELY the hardest part but I find that once you’re actually in it, it’s not nearly as bad as you thought!!
Post # 5
@stardustintheeyes: Good Luck. You took the first step and that is more than most people will do. I have been just like you recently. Tired all the time, crappy skin, and eating like shit cause I make excuses. I stopped working out, more excuses. But last week it started changing. It was a huge wakeup call when I stepped on the scale and saw I gained 13 lbs since me wedding in Sept. I actually gained 10 lbs before my wedding. I was 185, lost weight, a year in advance and got to 156! Huge deal for me. Wedding day came I was 166, I weighed myself last Wednesday and hello 179. 🙁 I decided right then that I didnt want to get to 185 again and I missed my cute body. I searched for diet plans, but I never stick to them. But I did find a girl that blogs about her weight loss and literally lifestyle change. She has recipes, even clean eating ones. I wrote up a grocery list and went shopping.
Its baby steps so I havent been to the gym yet. I will start that soon, I am also trying to be a morning work out person. So I saw somewhere that if you set your alarm 5 mins earlier everyday for a week, then another 5 mins and so on. Soon you will be up an hour earlier everyday and have time for a workout. I am not a morning person but I got up 10 mins earlier today and was actually able to eat breakfast at home 🙂 I was proud.
I dont want to make this about me, but I wanted to show you that you are not the only one. I am trying too so we can do this together. 🙂
Post # 6
@stardustintheeyes: Just wanted to say good luck and best wishes in your quest for better health! 🙂
Post # 7
@stardustintheeyes: Just wanted to say good luck. Its a huge change, but a positive one, and I bet that once you start to feel the benifits of the change it will become easier and easier.
Post # 8
Hey, just take it one step at a time – like, in the beginning? It’s only one day. Then it’s only one week, then two, then you just try to keep it snowballing.
It’s not always easy to make such a drastic change (even one that’s going in the right direction!), so try not to be too hard on yourself!
You are only human – which means that you can both make mistakes AND change your own life. (even at the same time!)
Post # 9
You can do it! IT will be hard, but don’t give up.
I ate super clean for 45 days as well right before my wedding. And continue to follow a pretty clean diet at least 50% of the time (at the worst, I try to follow it more like 80% of the time.)
I lost weight (and two dress sizes) but the more important part is that a hip injury that was bugging me has improved significantly. I used to have to go to physiotherapy 2x/week, now I go every other week and my PT says he’s convinced the reason my hip is better is due to eating less inflammatory foods.
I wish I could claim the weight loss is due to tons of time at the gym, but it is most definitely from diet. Also, DH says I sleep much better than I used to – less tossing and turning and my skin has gotten better too.
GOOD LUCK and keep us posted on your progress.
Post # 10
Thank you everyone for the kind words and support! I really need it right about now.
@BurlapnLace: DH is very supportive and generally has way better eating habits than I do. He will gently tellme things sometimes to try and make me see how much crap I eat. But he’s really on board and he’s going to do it with me. He eats pretty clean anyway. He enjoys treats but all my meals are treats lol.
Post # 11
Good for you for recognizing you have a proble and getting help for it. It may not be easy but eventually it will become your normal and the long term benefits are so worth any troubles.
Im a person who loves hearty meals. I discovered skinnytastes.com it’s a recipe blog and all the foods are yummy and hearty but also good for you. Healthy isn’t just eating bland chicken and steamed vegetables. It’s worth checking out.
Post # 12
@BeeinBoston: thank you so much! I’ll definitely check it out. I need all the help I can get.
Post # 13
@stardustintheeyes You sound A LOT like me. I eat/drink too much and have really been trying to eat better and not drink as much, I have good days and bad days. I’d be interested in seeing the list of foods you can/can’t eat during the 45 days.
Also a side note, I too was VERY tired all the time, like sleeping for 12+ hours then still feeling tired and I finally found out I have a severe B12 deficiency and I’ve been taking the vitamin now for over a month and after the first week I started to feel like I had more energy and now after a month I feel normal again. Have you been tested for vitamin deficiencies?
Post # 14
@stardustintheeyes: I am actually a lot like you except I turned 30 last April. I had to make some major changes after I would come home from work and pass out on the couch from pure exhaustion at 9 pm. Bad food and drinking (booze) was the culprit, and I also had a weird dependency on this stuff.
You say you have a trouble relationship with food. If it’s not too personal, how were you raised? I ask b/c I had a constantly dieting mother. She hated the way she looked and was always on one starvation diet or another. I was taught to count calories at age 6 b/c she freaked out at me for eating a yogurt that had 180 calories… at 6 years old. If I ate something not on her food list or when I shouldn’t have been, I’d hear the nastiest comments about how “I’m going to get so fat” or how “I was the fattest girl in my dance class.” B/c of that I would rely on food (especially bad American food – my mom is European so bad American food was hardly ever allowed in the house) as a solace… an escape, if you will. Unfortunately, it’s affecting my life now at 30, b/c it’s true what they say, “You eat crap, you will look and feel like crap.”
Post # 15
@stardustintheeyes: I feel like I am reading about myself. I can 100% understand where you are coming from with this!!!
If you don’t mind my asking, are you following a specific plan? Or just what the doctor and your counselor came up with?
Post # 16
@stardustintheeyes: good job for taking the first steps. I went through the same thing due to an illness. I found that spices were the only thing that get me through a week of eating clean and keeping it up. Invest in a large set of good spices they can really help. Clean eating doesn’t have to mean bland and most are good for other things like inflammation and such. We live out of our crockpot so food is ready and we aren’t tempted to pick up fast food just because it’s more convenient. Also ask your doctor about which vitamin and supplrments to take they can make a difference but ask first some can make things worse or cause side effects even if they are natural. Good luck with everything