(Closed) I'm only invited to the bridal shower but she's invited to mine

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should I go to the shower
    Go to shower : (4 votes)
    6 %
    Decline shower invite : (63 votes)
    94 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    1992 posts
    Buzzing bee

    View original reply
    rosebudbynicky:  I would decline the shower (you don’t need to explain why) and maybe send the your cousin a card and a gift after her wedding if you want to be extra nice. 

    Post # 3
    Member
    9439 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2016

    It was rude to invite you to the shower if you aren’t invited to the wedding and I would absolutely decline if that’s the case. But it does sound like there’s some confusion because all of your information on the subject of your invitation of you being invited to the wedding is secondhand. Why don’t you just give your cousin a call and ask for some clarification.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1180 posts
    Bumble bee

    Simple, you are invited to attend a shower, if you don’t want to go, decline. I persoanlly wouldn’t attend a shower for a wedding I wasn’t also invited to. 

    If this cousin is also invited to your shower, (I’m assuming she will bring you a gift) you should return the favour and buy her a small something and have it mailed to her directly or the hostess.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1096 posts
    Bumble bee

    Yes, it’s rude to invite someone to the shower and not the wedding, and that makes them look bad. Just decline but don’t say anything about not being invited to the wedding, it’ll look petty. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    361 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2016

    It is perfectly expectable to invite people to the shower even who not invited to the wedding. In my case I had to do so because I am having a very small wedding. It still let people celebrate the marriage. She did not make any sort of rude gesture. It just is what it is in wedding rules. I have looked it up. You are hurt so you need to deal with that on your own. What she did was make you a part as much as she could afford.

    Post # 7
    Member
    2156 posts
    Buzzing bee

    View original reply
    rosebudbynicky:  you have two options: don’t go to the shower (this is the best course of action) OR go to the shower, and make a big to-do to the bride about how much you’re looking forward to the wedding, in an effort to weasel/guilt-trip your way to an invite. i don’t actually recommend this second option, but since it sounds like that’s what you want to happen anyway, you could then make it happen by going to the shower. if your invite still doesn’t arrive in the mail, you can then call the bride and tell her that yours must have gotten lost, and again how excited you are after attending her shower. keep in mind, all of this is extrememly rude on your part – but you just might not care.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2156 posts
    Buzzing bee

    View original reply
    mimigirl7:  you’re just 100% wrong. a shower is a gift-giving party, and it’s exceptionally rude to ask people to bring gifts, when you’re not reciprocating by deeming them important to enough to even coe to your wedding. if you want to have a small wedding, that’s your perogative; but thery are always sacrifices, and if you’re saving money with a small wedding, it means you don’t get to ask everyone and their mother for shower gifts. the simple fact that you DID this, doesn’t mean you SHOULD have. and no, you did not “have to do so” (no one HAS to have a shower at all). YOU were exceptionally rude.

    Post # 9
    Member
    924 posts
    Busy bee

    This happened in my family as well. We received a shower invitation (my mom, sister and I) all attended and took three gifts. A little later we received the invitation and only my parents were invited, as the church was small and only first generation was invited. Well, my dad didnt want to go, and because it was in a large city (Houston) my mom doesn’t drive in big citites (she’s a nervous driver and even in small citites bother her) so no one ended up going (turned out that was common, as a bunch of aunts and uncles were invited, who also dont drive there, so it kind of backfired) so we were bothered by that… mainly due to all the shower invites and then the shady invite job. We’re taking a huge shower… like 50 something people at someone’s house (big house, huge yard) and maybe 25% of that list was acrually invited. Had we known, we’d have not attended, as would many of the guests, which is why I’m guessing they did it that way (had the shower way before invited went out) to get more gifts… because that was a case ofbeing gift grabby. 

     

    Post # 10
    Member
    2009 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2017

    View original reply
    mimigirl7:  then you have have an after party when you return from your wedding NOT a shower… demanding gifts is rude as hell

    Post # 11
    Member
    246 posts
    Helper bee

    View original reply
    mimigirl7:  It is absolutely not okay to invite people to a bridal shower that aren’t invited to the wedding. It is very rude.

    Post # 12
    Member
    30393 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    View original reply
    rosebudbynicky:  No one needs to know you are offended. If you don’t want to go to the shower, simply decline- no explanation necessary.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1705 posts
    Bumble bee

    It sounds like there’s confusion over whether or not you’re actually invited to the wedding. Maybe she has changed her mind and now IS inviting you. Can you call up your cousin and ask?

    People pass a lot of information about weddings around by word of mouth, but things change frequently, and you can’t always rely on that information.

    Post # 14
    Member
    608 posts
    Busy bee

    Just because you invite her to your wedding doesnt mean she has to invite you to hers. You don’t know her budget, venue size constrictions, etc. It is rude of her to invite people to the shower who are not invited to the wedding. I would decline but going out of your way to say to her you’re offended by her shower invite and lack of wedding invite is petty. Let it go. 

    The topic ‘I'm only invited to the bridal shower but she's invited to mine’ is closed to new replies.

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