Post # 16
It is perfectly expectable to invite people to the shower even who not invited to the wedding.
It may be expectable, but except in rare circumstances, in is not acceptable.
If a bride is asked for a guestlist for a shower, she should not be including people who are not invited to the wedding. Just because you did it, does not make it right.
The exceptions would be showers hosted by others without the bride’s input: a work shower, a shower hosted by a club you belong to, like a book club, a shower hosted by the neighbor or church ladies, who do so for every bride without regard to being invited to the wedding, etc.
Post # 17
Just because you did it, doesn’t make it ok. There is nothing ok about telling people “you’re not important enough to come to our wedding, but we would love it if you’d buy us a present anyway.” If you want people to celebrate your wedding, host them at a reception of some type, don’t ask them to come to a present-party which is by definition what a shower is.
Post # 18
Just decline the shower invitation. Wedding invitations don’t have to be reciprocal, meaning she isn’t under any obligation to invite you to her wedding because you invited her to yours, but she or the hostess of her shower did screw up by inviting women who aren’t invited to the wedding to the shower.
Post # 19
Rude, I would just decline though and not say anything.
Post # 20
I don’t I read other blogs about this topic n others actual put on the invite stuff like we expect you not a gift or the bride told them I would love to have you at my shower but cannot have you at my wedding. I’m just being ignored or brushed under the rug but of course she wont know my feeling are hurt till I tell her
Post # 21
You guys are all wrong period. Why is everyone on here latley so nasty. ask anyone of an age the would know 60 and above. They will all tell you it’s fine. You all just want to be offended by everything. It’s so rediculous. Get a live and have fun not anger. I really think you all are in the offended generations. If I cared more I would find you all the dear Abbies but I don’t. You are probabaly all the same people who would wear white to someones wedding. you all are making up rule.
Post # 22
Emily Post (http://emilypost.com/advice/shower-etiquette/
) and Miss Manners both disagree wih you. The “rule” as you call it has existed forever. It’s rude to request gifts from someone who you aren’t even inviting to watch you get married. That’s basic politeness. You are so in the wrong here it’s ridiculous.
Post # 23
- Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY
By telling her you are offended you are putting her in a tight spot over an invite she is not obligued to extend. The fact you are inviting her to your wedding, are very close, etc. does not mean she has to invite you to hers. Go ahead and do what you want, but by practically asking for an invite you are being as rude as the one who invited you to the shower.
Post # 24
trust me you really where completely mannerless and if you cant see that your a complete and utter lost cause
and just for the record my great-grandparent, grandparent and parents where all far more die hard on how tacky it is to ‘beg’ for gifts than our generation so NO its not us being young they would be truely offended by such a crass and tactless display – our generation accept these ‘gifting’ event far better than the 60+er’s
Post # 25
sooo… different perspective:
I have a big close extended family. I have been to EVERY one of my second cousins bridal showers. I have not been to a single one of their weddings.
When I get married, they will all be invited to my shower, but not the wedding. We have a big family so it needs to be cut off somewhere, literally no one has ever complained about this. It’s nice to be able to spend time with the bride even if you cn’t make the wedding.
But, if you feel slighted, just politely decline the shower invite and say you can’t make it. it’s not a summons.
Post # 26
+1000. You are correct.
inviting people to your shower that are not invited to the wedding is gift grabby and rude. There isn’t an etiquette authority anywhere that would tell you differently.
Post # 27
Lol the idea of this is so rude and ridicoulous that it makes me cringe. Decline.
Post # 28
- Wedding: October 2016 - Harn Homestead
I would decline, she sounds gift gabby to me.
Post # 29
mimigirl7: okaaaaay… No one was being rude to you. They are not nasty simply because they have different statements/ideals than you. Your comment toward the other bees was nasty for no reason. Bring it down a notch..
Where I live, it’s incredibly rude and tasteless to invite people to a bridal shower when they are not inviting them to the wedding. It’s also extremely tacky and gift grabby.
Post # 30
welp, your replies to bees here explain perfectly why you wouldn’t understand how rude this is…
OP, I would decline. If she wanted to “celebrate the marriage” with you in another way, she could have a casual barbecue with everyone she couldn’t invite or go out to dinner with you. Inviting you to a gift-giving party is rude as hell