(Closed) I'm over it. All I can do is wait.

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
1009 posts
Bumble bee

anabnb :  I hear you! My Boyfriend or Best Friend and I have looked at rings, talked about styles, and have a timeline, but waiting until the time on the timeline is so tough because I’m excited to spend the rest of my life with this dude.

Have you and your guy compared timelines? Like, literally write down your goals and when you want to reach them and compare to one another? My guy and I did that, and came to a mutual timeline, and so all I have to do is wait, but I know that we’ll be engaged by a year from now at the latest, which feels long, but now I know, and it took a lot of the stress out of it!

 

Post # 3
Member
607 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I know how this feels. My fiance did this for almost 2 years. We went ring shopping numerous times and he always kept bringing marriage up but nothing. His answer was “don’t worry, it will happen soon.” Well…after 5 years of dating, I got super annoyed. I don’t want to say that I gave him an ultimatium but I did tell him how I feel and that I can’t sit around for another year waiting. At the end of it all, he told me he was glad that I gave him that “boost” because it woke him up to sitting around. Definitely have that serious talk with him and compare timelines. Let him know when you’d like to be married (e.g. within the next 2 years). ‘Soon’ to him may mean sometime within the next 2 years.

Post # 5
Member
490 posts
Helper bee

anabnb :  ugh! I’m in the same boat. I know he bought the ring in March ( never seen it) but all I keep hearing Is ” it coming don’t worry”. It’s annoying 

Post # 6
Member
362 posts
Helper bee

anabnb :  I’m confused. Why can’t you just tell him that you need to know a date/month/etc when it will happen by for your peace of mind. Ask him to think it over and then let you know. Aren’t you both adults? I did this w my ex-husband before I’d even agree to move in w him. And when he told me “before the lease is up,” I told him that that wouldn’t work for our life plans or my peace of mind bc we’d already have lived together for a full year and would probably have renewed the lease by then. He thought it through. And then told me it would happen by about ~4mos after I moved in. I said that was fine. When circumstances made him want an extra month, he discussed it w me well in advance and I said it was fine. (It ended up that he realized the weather was much better where he wanted to propose a month later.) that marriage didn’t work out for other reasons  

My current guy and I have discussed timelines a few times (he’s brought it up to make sure it’s not too early for me). That means he says things like I would propose before x month/season/end of the year/holiday and it would be great to be married by x date/season. Does that work for you?

the conversation takes all of 10-20mins. Nbd.

I don’t know about the ring, exactly when he’ll propose, or how, but we’re adults and it’s fine to discuss and make sure the proposal timing works for everybody and not to have one person upset or feeling bad bc she has no clue if it’ll happen in 6mos or in 18mos. Traditional doesn’t mean having a woman feel tortured and anxious. 

Post # 8
Member
13 posts
Newbee

anabnb :  No, you should not feel like everything is done on his terms. He does not have full control and decision-making power over life decisions like this. Like PP suggested, compare timelines, see if it puts your mind at ease. 

Post # 10
Member
362 posts
Helper bee

anabnb :  it doesn’t sound like you’ve ever brought it up in the way I suggested. What I am saying should have happened is not a request for emotional reassurance. I’d never suggest asking “are you gonna marry me?” I said it should have been/could be discussed like adults, not emotional, and just discussing dates. Before it ever happened (and maybe still now) you could say that you won’t act insecure or overemotional or bring it up at all, ever,if he just gives you a specific date/month/season by when he’ll propose and that timing works for you. If you want to keep bringing it up in an insecure way, asking if he’s gonna marry you, then you’d never know or get a timeline to know by when he’ll marry you bc you don’t seem to have asked in any clear, non-emotional way. 

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