- 4 years ago
- Wedding: December 2012
Hello Bees, I am back for some advice! This time, it’s on relationships.
I am a perfectionist, a people-pleaser. I’m OCD and it makes me upset when people are mad at me. I choose my words carefully to ensure I am not going to hurt anyone’s feelings in any way. DH is the opposite. He keeps to himself, he hates conflict, and he’s brutally honest.
I feel that my DH and I have a very hard time understanding one another during arguments, since I am emotional, and he is more logical. Our small tifts are irritable, because I feel he doesn’t understand me, or he feels I am overreacting (sometimes, yes! But if it’s important to me, I voice my feelings). I try to choose my words carefully as to not sound accusatory, but somehow he always figures it to be difficult to understand why a situation bothers me, and that it’s an interal problem, and I must fix it on my own.
I work full time, as does the hubby. We also both go to school. My DH got a new job back in May, and while it landed him in the field he wants to be, he is at rock bottom making “okay” money, doing work he dislikes AND he works and goes to school with all women. Surrounded by all women. All day. Five days a week, plus by his wife when he gets home. He admits he’d much prefer the company of men due to no drama, snarkiness, etc. I am unsure if the stress (and being tired of dealing with women all day) of his job is causing him to make us feel somewhat distant lately, but the past few months he will not text me during any of his lunch or school breaks. I am aware he doesn’t have the free time that he used to at his old job, but I am practically in bed when he gets home, so I make an effort to chat with him during the day. Except, he doesn’t respond. . .not even during his breaks. But his personal phone is his work phone, and he’s attached to it all day to read e-mails. We haven’t been on a date, just him and I, since before he began working there in May, he used to take me on surprise trips to Disneyland, or to the ice rink, and would bring me home a cupcake from a Cupcake Wars winning bakery. Well, it’s been a while since then. Now I am the one conjuring up surprises, like a surprise staycation night in an expensive hotel, bringing home his favorite foods, sent him Edible Arrangements to his work, etc. When I texted him how I missed him asking about how my day was, or that he should say hi during his lunch hour, he responded that he doesn’t have free time any more. I told him to just send me a text during his breaks, and he told me he studies during those. He never studies. . .ever. Unless it’s the day before a finals exam, I have never seen him pull out his book to study.
What gives? Am I being too sensitive?