(Closed) I'm Planning and They're Laughing

posted 5 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
1782 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I’m sorry but what has other people especially coworkers got to do with your wedding plans? Keep planning, obviously! 

And I don’t think you should bother other people too much for advice on every last detail. You and your future husband are the ones who should plan your wedding.

Post # 3
Member
5304 posts
Bee Keeper

They’re the ones who are out of line. You and your Fiance have moved up your wedding date so your ill grandma can be there, not only is that nothing to laugh at, that’s none of their damned business. You and your Fiance have already AGREED to get married, you’re not some tragically deluded woman planning a wedding behind his back. Just because your in-the-process ring isn’t ‘officially’ on your finger yet, doesn’t mean you can’t be planning, especially when time is a crucial factor. 

I’d do two things in your circumstances: I’d tell them why you’re moving faster on the wedding plans (I’m assuming they don’t know, if they do know and they can laugh about this, they’re horrid), if they have any decency they’ll feel ashamed for laughing and learn not to be so quick to judge. Second thing I’d do is stop seeking wedding advice from people who treat me like a joke, even if they don’t think they’re being malicious or unkind. 

Good luck with your wedding planning Bee, I’m sorry to hear about your Grandma 🙁

Post # 4
Member
9443 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

If you want to plan then plan but people are going to think it’s weird if you are also telling them you aren’t engaged because planning a wedding pretty much the whole point of being engaged so really if you are planning then you are engaged with or without the ring.

Post # 5
Member
209 posts
Helper bee

Definitely keep planning, but only involve the people who you actually *want* involved (your Fiance for sure and any future wedding party or immediate family people).  You’ve already agreed to get married and agreed on a timeline, so I don’t think it’s presumptuous to be booking vendors and such.  They’re the ones being dumb, not you. 

Post # 6
Member
821 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Regardless of circumstances, don’t ask for advice. All it does is create problems. Do what you want to do? Who cares what your co-worker thinks? Or your family? It’s your wedding, not theirs.  Just keep planning.

Post # 8
Member
7934 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

you agree to marry = officially engaged

Post # 9
Member
460 posts
Helper bee

Keep on planning! Especially your family should understand if you tell them the reason?
Just stay strong and do your thing. The ring is even in the making so I really dont understand the attitude. I can’t believe they are being so insensitive! Shame on them, and they should know how rude and hurtful they are.

I am so sorry for your grandmother. Hopefully she will be strong enough the day off and hopefully way longer than that.

 

The ring is just a symbol, it doesn’t make the engagement. Obviously, you two are engaged to be married since you both agreed, the ring won’t change that a bit. But it is totally understandable if you don’t want to go “public” with it before getting the ring, but you should be able to tell your parents. I get so angry on your behalf. Don’t listen to family or friends, this is between you and your husband to be.

In case you wait, the wedding will maybe be delayed, so I would just rush it as much as I can! It is so sweet of you to want to be so considering about your grandmothers wishes, it warms my heart. It is worth getting teased just to do your best to make sure that she can be that at your big day! That is something you will never regret doing.

I wish I could have my grandmother at my wedding, it would mean the world to me, unfortunately she is no longer with us, but she will always be with me in my heart. So will yours even if she doesn’t make it for long enough, but you will feel better about it if you did eveything you could to make it happen! I am sure it would mean the world to her just to see you try to make it, regardless of if she can be there in the end or not. 

Lots of hugs to you! Just go go go! <3 

Post # 11
Member
1782 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

View original reply
felicexo :  you said the ring is almost ready so your mom can be part of it soon enough. Surely you can do most things without her meanwhile?

Post # 13
Member
6340 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

View original reply
felicexo :  When you talk about it with others, do YOU say you’re not “officially” engaged yet? Or do you call yourself engaged and they don’t agree? Because this whole “official” thing is ridiculous. You’re actively planning a wedding. That means you’re officially engaged. A ring does not change anything. 

Post # 14
Member
2979 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I think it’s silly that you’re saying you’re not engaged until you have a ring. Girl, you’re planning a wedding, thats fucking engaged! So I get why they think it’s silly that you’re planning a wedding while not being engaged (though, by my standards, you are). If you heard your 18 year old cousin planning a wedding while she wasn’t engaged, and never talked to her BF about it, you’d probably be like ‘wow thats weird’. So thats probably what they think. That you havent really discussed it, you’re just doing whatever you want and he will have to jump on board when its time.

Obviously that isn’t what it is from your posts, but that’s probably their POV.

I’m so sorry to hear about your grandma.

Post # 15
Member
18 posts
Newbee

I’m in the same exact situation. I am not ”officially” engaged as I do not have a ring yet but I already started planning my wedding! We already have the venue, dress, DJ, photographer and videographer! My Fiancé and I decided to get married in July and we are actively planning our wedding. To me, that’s the definition of being engaged. Having a ring or no does not change anything in my opinion. I find it stupid from people to assume that you’re not ”really” engaged if you do not have a ring. It does not change anything to the fact that my Fiance and I wanna get married and that we are getting married!

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