(Closed) I'm Planning and They're Laughing

posted 5 years ago in Engagement
Post # 16
Member
8490 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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felicexo :  This might be your problem: “My SO and I are not “Officially” engaged yet“. There’s no such thing as “officially” engaged or “unofficially” engaged. You’re either engaged or you’re not. YOU (plural you, you and your SO) are the ones who decide whether you’re engaged or not. So if you two agree that you’re engaged, then you’re engaged. Call it “official” if that makes you feel better, but regardless, you’re engaged. If you two don’t agree that you’re engaged, then you’re not engaged, and saying “we’re not OFFICIALLY engaged yet” is meaningless. You’re not engaged period. So decide between the two of you if you’re engaged or not and stop putting silly and confusing qualifiers in front of it. That way, if anyone says “you’re not even engaged yet” you can say “yes we are” and the conversation is done.

Post # 17
Member
558 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

We planned our entire wedding before we had the ring and a ‘proposal’.

Timeline went like this:

December – had a discussion. Decided we both wanted to get married

January – booked a venue, a photographer, a celebrant and a caterer. Booked a jeweller to make our rings.

February – found out we were moving abroad. Told our parents and siblings of our plans.

March – moved abroad

May – rings were ready, they were sent to my parents

July – my parents came to visit us and bought my engagement ring with them. We ‘officially’ got engaged.

 

I highly recommend not announcing that you are getting married until you’ve decided all of the things you want as it means you can do everything your way without people meddling in your decisions.

Post # 18
Member
460 posts
Helper bee

 

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oops, wrong thread!

Post # 19
Member
9754 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

You are planning a wedding, you’re engaged. You just don’t have your ring! Keep doing you and don’t worry about the others.

Post # 21
Member
2023 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I’m sorry to hear about your grandmother. It’s sweet of you to plan ahead so that she can attend. As far as not being engaged, I’m not sure where your friends and family are coming from. Engagement is not a legal status. Typically, people who agree to marry and are in the process of arranging a wedding are considered engaged. That’s exactly your situation. The ring has nothing to do with it. What if you chose not to have a ring? Would your family laugh all the way to the wedding because you are not “officially” engaged? Silly.

Post # 22
Member
2175 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

IF you can’t wait to plan until your ring is here, and you or your Fiance cannot accept that you’re engaged without a ring, and you can’t plan secretly, and your family thinks that planning a wedding before an engagement is laughable, and you don’t like them laughing at you, THEN run down to Claire’s or Charming Charlie or some such store that sells ridiculously cheap jewelery and pick up a ring to wear until your ring is done being made.  Presto, problem solved 🙂

Post # 23
Member
2979 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

They shouldn’t be teasing you about it, that’s silly. It sounded like from your OP that YOU don’t even consider yourself engaged (“I’m planning but not officially engaged”) so that’s what I was commenting on. If you’ve told them, no, we actually are engaged, and they are laughing they are just being jerks. Ignore them, and come chat with us about all your wedding planning.

Post # 24
Member
460 posts
Helper bee

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felicexo :  I am glad to hear that, don’t let them make you feel bad for doing the right thing for yourself and your grandmother! And thank you, I miss her every day! Take care and I really hope that your grandmother will be able to make it to your big day, but as I said, it will probably mean the world to her just to see you trying! <3 Lots of luck! 

Post # 25
Member
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

My now-husband and I planned things out before we were “officially” engaged too (i.e. without the ring), but I held off on sharing the specifics and/or mentioning the engagement to outsiders. To me, we were engaged because we both knew we were getting married (and when), but to others who did not know the specifics of our relationship, it may have been “weird”. Doesn’t mean they’re right, but that’s just how it is, and the easiest way to avoid it is to keep the details to yourself and hold off on discussing wedding planning and other engagement related things with those who are not privy to your relationship ins and outs. Some people may not care about others’ comments, but if you’re the type to be bothered by them, the best way to deal is to simply not share until things are “simple” enough for outsiders to understand.

Now your mother on the other hand… that one is odd. She knows you and your SO, your reasoning behind your situation, etc., so it is strange that she is behaving this way. I would have an honest talk with her and mention that you ARE planning to be married next year, and therefore engaged, and her comments are hurting you and need to stop.

Post # 27
Member
2915 posts
Sugar bee

Keep on planning for sure! Only you know your situation and honestly it’s no one else’s business. 

There are plenty of people on here who started planning before the official engagement and there’s nothing wrong with that. Especially in your case. 

I had coworkers and friends who thought it was weird I had a say in what ring we would get. I think people thought I was making it up that we were ring shopping. Needless to say, once you’re officially engaged, people will shut up!! 

Post # 28
Member
345 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

View original reply
felicexo :  Please don’t wait.

I’m in a similar situation (we’ve chatted about it on another thread). My fi and I do consider ourselves engaged however, so it’s slightly different. It might seem weird or backwards to some to be planning your wedding before you have a ring, but do what is best for you. Trust me, I know how it feels to look like the crazy girl that is planning her wedding before a ring or a “proposal” lol.  Like you, we will be getting married in September 2017, so it’s absolutely necessary to at least book a venue if you want a particular date. September is a very popular month and you might have trouble finding a venue you love even if you start looking now. At the end of the day, people are going to think whatever they want. Be confident in your decisions. I would really hope that other people’s opinions wouldn’t deter you from continuing your planning…especially with only nine months left before your desired date.

Post # 29
Member
232 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

There is no such thing as “officially” engaged. Either you are, or you are not. If you both agree that you’re getting married, then you ARE officially engaged. You don’t even need a ring to get legally married…why some people get hung up on that I’ll never know. 

Stop telling people things if they’re dicks about it. 

Post # 30
Member
1305 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

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felicexo :  Do it alone with your fiance, I wouldn’t want help from people who are scoffing at your plans. I think it is very understable to plan a wedding without an official engagement (since the ring is being made) because of your grandmother’s health and to all those who don’t understand that/see that, well screw them!

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