(Closed) I'm planning my wedding solo

posted 4 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 31
Member
2238 posts
Buzzing bee

Your situation is like that of most first-time brides and grooms, OP. This is what wedding websites, magazines, books, and planners are for. 

What are you having trouble with specifically? The Bees may be able to point you in the direction of some good tools if they know what you need.

Here are some details you can tell us that will help:

  • budget
  • number of guests
  • location
  • style of wedding
  • vendors you have booked; vendors you need to book
  • what part of the wedding is causing the most trouble
Post # 32
Member
11360 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

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christiangirl93 :  what do you mean by on a fixed income? if you mean you dint have unlimited wealth, welcome to the world.

If you mean you can’t afford this wedding because you don’t make enough money, then it would be to get ideas re something you can more easily afford. There are many bees who have had gorgeous weddings on a budget. 

Post # 33
Member
661 posts
Busy bee

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christiangirl93 :  it’s a huge time and finAncial commitment. It just is. I think what you need to do is step back and reframe things and just accept no one will help. I don’t have family and have had no help at all. I am guessing you anticipated help since maybe you would help others. Doesn’t always work that wAy. From this point on let’s think about what you can do. How can you scale down? Have your invites gone out? Cut the guest list. Have the ceremony with just the parents and siblings so you don’t need to stress about those party busses and herding people from place to place. Do Paperless Post for invitations. Everyone trashes the paper invites anyway. Things like that try to simplify. Do you see what I mean? Try to lean on other bees bc that’s what the forum was created for. 

Why don’t you tell everyone about your wedding about what needs to be done and we can help? 

Think about why you are planning this wedding that is strapping you financially. Are you being pressured? Are you hanging on a childhood dream? Really think about if this is worth it. 

Post # 34
Member
22 posts
Newbee

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christiangirl93 :  I originally had 4 bridesmaids then after my Fiance & I decided it was best to put our wedding on hold to work through some relationship issues/ boundaries with parents etc, I had two friends who voiced their lack of support for the relationship between my Fiance and I to continue, so I didn’t ask them to be bridesmaids again when we worked through our struggles (over a year later). So I was down to two ladies in my wedding party. 

I also planned my own wedding. My fiancé and I were paying for everything on our own, yet other people felt they had a say in what to do or when to do things. Eventually it turned into pleasing everyone else except ourselves. 

So you know what we did? Last Sunday (June 2nd), we talked to our pastor at church and explained we were tired of pleasing everyone else and realized that none of the details mattered except being married. Nothing we had planned were going to benefit our marriage in the coming months or years, they were simply details to a day that would be wonderful no matter what. So, we decided to get married that coming Saturday (June 8th). And when we called our parents to inform them, NOBODY complained. It was the most peacefully stressful week ever and I finished the minor details of dress, bouquet for pictures, FI’s tie, etc on my own. And it was absolutely beautiful and perfect. 

 

This is your wedding. Plan it however you want to, expect nothing from no one (except support in every way from your fiancé). But ask yourself what will be important and benefit your marriage in the years to come. 

Post # 35
Member
7352 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

Some brides are fortunate to have event planning experience before planning their wedding but many are planning on their own and figuring it out as they go along. My SIL happened to be engaged and planning her wedding for the first part of my engagement and that helped me get started on some of the big things and it was fun going to wedding shows together but we were both pretty much planning on our own and/or with our SOs. There are some free services that can tell you what you should be doing at each stage to keep you on track too.

I would say that since you are planning things on your own/with your Fiance, you should definitely plan to have a Day of Coordinator to make sure you aren’t having people asking you questions the day of your wedding.

Post # 36
Member
302 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I have to admit when I first saw this title I thought “oh cool are you a musician”

Sorry you’re feeling unsupported and stressed, though there’s a reason a stressed out bride is just a known cliché. For most of us we’re planning hands down the biggest event in our lives. Biggest budget, biggest guest list, biggest list of vendors and things we need. It’s hard! And unfortunately at the end of the day it does usually come down to the bride unless you can hire a planner. Cut yourself some slack it’s ok to feel overwhelmed sometimes. I think we’ve all had our nights. Step back, make a list of everything you need. I just kept a running list of everything I still needed to do, from packing my toothbrush for the wedding night up to picking a photographer. It helped me stay on top of everything. At the end have confidence that everything will come together and work. 

Post # 37
Member
591 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

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christiangirl93 :  MOST brides and grooms are planning their first wedding, and hopefully their only.  I really don’t understant how you can say ‘oh no we don’t know that to do this is our first wedding’??

Post # 38
Member
7658 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Some things to remember:

-many people getting married are planning a wedding for the first time

-most people planning a wedding also have a limited budget

-this is YOUR wedding, not your bridal party’s

Where is your Fiance in all this (and “it’s his first wedding he doesn’t know what to do”, isn’t an acceptable excuse)? He is the only one you should be expecting help from.

I’m also a bit confused because you say no one is helping but then complain about people “putting in their two cents.” Can you bounce ideas off these folks who seem to want to help?

Also, these boards are an excellent source to use when you want some direction or are having difficulty making choices.

Post # 39
Member
1531 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

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nearlyscottish :  same… I thought she was looking advice on what to sing for the service.

Op there’s plenty of checklists on the internet and Pinterest to give guidance. 🙂

Post # 40
Member
15521 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I didn’t know planning a wedding required experience?  It’s a wedding, not rocket science.  Start with the basics, where you wanna get married, what you want to be wearing, guests, invitations and food.  The rest is just fluff and doenst really *matter*…photography, flowers, decor.  It really doesnt have to be that complicated.  It’s only has hard as you make it out to be.

Post # 41
Member
2498 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

It’s your wedding. You plan it, no one else. You Fiance should be helping you. 

It isn’t your wedding parties responsibility to help you plan your party, that’s rude of you to expect them to do so. 

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