Post # 31
eeniebeans : 100% agree. When I was pregnant I was more than happy to be able to bow out of some social obligations. I agree, they should have taken separate cars or he got a taxi home. It sounds like he doesn’t see this people very often. Let him let loose!
Post # 32
I think he was being a jerk and should have understood that when your spouse is pregnant and you have two kids at home, you’re not always going to be able to stay out as late as you’d like. You guys had already discussed this. Sure, it would’ve been nice of you to let him stay, but you have a lot on your plate right now and I don’t blame you for wanting him home with you.
Post # 33
Thank you for everyone’s comments. I know most of you think I’m wrong but the concept of partying alone in places like house parties, clubs, and bars when married is just a concept that is foreign to me. I was raised with the concept that when your married there’s things and places you have no business doing and going alone to anymore unless its like a bachlor night or something once in a life time sort of deal. So if he wants to go golfing or have lunch with a buddy that’s fine, but clubs and parties and those type of environments, you go together. I mean those environments were created for a reason and well we both married with the notion that we no longer need to pretend we’re single for a night. When im not pregnant we go out togeher with our friends as a group and have a blast together. We’ve only gone alone to a club once since married and that was for our friends bachelor and bachlorette night. When we go out alone its because I go eat brunch with the girls or he goes to gaming conventions with the guys, but not clubs or house parties. Why should he be ok with me going to a place where men go to grope on women and me be ok with him going to a place where his friends go to hunt for women? We’re in our late twenties so mind you this house party included 21 year old girls in short dresses twerking on tables while the guys encourage it, not a bunch of middle aged men have a beer by a bon fire. I’m sorry I just can’t see how letting him act wild with a bunch of people I don’t know is healthy for my marriage.
Post # 34
It doesn’t sound like this is a weekly thing. Just because you’re a wet blanket while preggo doesn’t mean he can’t hang out with friends. You even say yourself that you’re jealous and needy- give him a break!
Post # 35
monique637 : “letting him act wild…”
I’m going to give you a pass because you are 7 months pregnant and I remember caring about some things more than usual at that point. I’m married and I don’t “let” my husband do anything because I married an adult. If you trust your husband, then the twerking 21 year olds are a non factor. Also I deduct that you guys are from a pretty socially conservative town or something because that attached at the hip mentality isn’t as typical as you think. I love my husband but I also love my space. Marriage is a long journey. Learn to love the solitude every once in a while.
Post # 36
monique637 : umm do you not trust your husband? he is a grown man able to make his own decisions and you sound very clingy. Going out alone is very healthy for a marriage who wants to be up each other asses all the time? and if this isnt something your husband do on a regular basis let him enjoy some time with his buddies and you go home alone.
Post # 37
monique637 : I was in total agreement with you until you said, “I’m sorry I just can’t see LETTING him act wild…”
Post # 38
I really don’t see how him staying later at a party is “pretending to be single”.
Post # 39
- Wedding: January 2021 - City, State
Letting him act wild? Really? Wow.
Post # 40
monique637 : Are you normally jealous?
This isn’t really an issue with you being pregnant it seems just jealousy in a general. I can’t imagine telling my husband he can’t go see his brother/friends when he wants. It’s a rare occasion and he’s not out every night, or every weekend. You are pregnant you are not dying. There is no reason why he needed to come home with you.
Pregnancy isn’t a sickness/disease. So I’m not sure why he needed to cut his time short with old school friends, to second that why did you go in the first place? If you knew it wasn’t something you’d want to stay long?
Post # 41
monique637 : Ok, I kinda agree with you that certain kinds of parties and places don’t become the norm anymore after you get married. But for special occasions once in awhile, like a friend’s bday, I don’t see why one’s marital status should affect whether you’re “allowed” to join. If you expected your Darling Husband to suddenly do a 180 on his social behaviors, then it should have been discussed prior to the wedding.
You’re both adults – if you’re tired and want to go home, just leave early by yourself. I do this, as well as other wives I know, and it keeps everyone sane and happy. I’m a very light and sensitive sleeper so I even ask my Darling Husband to just sleep in the other bedroom if he’s going to come home late. Would I be happy if he did this too often? No, but it sounds like this going away party was an occasion for his high school friends to get together after not hanging out for a long time.
Not being ok with him being around “twerking girls” and such is a whole other matter. You do realize that cheating and inappropriateness can occur anywhere? That a bonfire with middle aged men could still involve having strippers, some of the women at gaming conventions will be wearing short tight dresses depending on their cosplay, etc.? That even when you go out to a club together, he may have gotten a girls number while waiting for the bathroom? You can’t control everything, you just need to trust your Darling Husband.
Post # 42
monique637 : Yeah I think you are in the wrong. Sorry bee. I totally understand not wanting to hang out with a bunch of drunk people when you are PG but there is no reason he had to come home with you.
Post # 43
Im on the fence but any woman who says they wouldn’t mind this type of atmosphere for their hubby while pregnant is a special breed. Deciding whether or not to act on it, well I guess here we are.
I’m pregnant with our first and have already noticed my insecurities coming out unfortunately 🙁 I have to note: I trust my guy 100%. He’s never been one to even look in another direction or comment on hot celebrities, etc (2 issues my girlfriends have). With that said, he stops for a beer every Monday after work. Usually (I love my alone time) I encourage him to stay longer. But I’ve noticed myself asking unusual questions like: who was bartending? Why do you always go there? Was it just “all the guys” there? Lol None of this means I don’t trust him! I’ve noticed with pregnancy we aren’t just going through body dysmorphic concerns but it really does take a toll on your psyche. I think it’s completely natural to feel a little more insecure than normal.
Although our bodies are the ones taking the toll and going through this ginormous transformation, this is also a team effort. So if there is a situation that makes you extremely uncomfortable, I think it’s more than okay for your husband to respect your feelings and come to a compromise. If there’s anything I’m feeling insecure about, rational or not, I believe they need to go the extra mile to make us feel safe and secure. After all, we are the ones truly sacrificing so if there’s any area they can contribute to, I think they should willingly.
With all that said, if you dig really deep and find out there are trust issues there, well then that’s a whole different situation!
Post # 44
I agree with you OP… once your married and pregnant, I feel like your ”house-party” days should be over… it didnt sound like a fun night out with freinds, but a college-aged party environment. I would think you guys are past your party, clubbing stage.
Post # 45
You are WAY overreacting. I’m 6 months preggo and have a 13 month old, so I feel I can say that. I would gladly have my hubby go to a party and stay late. In fact, he did that just last month and was out at bars with co-workers until 2am. As long as he didn’t wake me up when I got home, we are good.
Sounds like you have other trust and marriage issues if you and your husband don’t let each other go out at night without the other. I mean this is an occasional thing, not an every week occurrence! People go out to bars & clubs & parties to have fun with their friends, not because it’s solely a dating scene. ETA: we are in our 30s, so not like I’m still college age.