(Closed) I'm pregnant and hubby wants to party

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 46
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

ktsteimel :  yeah once you are married and pregnant, you might as well wear a mumu and only got out for tea.  Moms are not allowed to have fun that is not solely kid-focused.

Post # 47
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2017

In case it pertains, just yesterday there was a football party for our NFL team’s first game of the season. There is a couple we know who throws pretty crazy football parties so of course they were hosting one yesterday and we both had planned to go. There’s also a little hot tamale, the couple’s 22 year old daughter who lives with them, who is always there and who clearly has the hots for my fiance! Lol :/ I knew there’d be heavy drinking and the usual shenanigans but last minute I decided to stay home and him go alone. I didn’t hesitate on this for a second. He offered to stay home with me (as I hoped he’d offer out of courtesy) but I looked forward to Netflix and the couch more. He carpooled home four and a half hours later, slightly drunk and extremely happy and lovey with me lol. I think whether you are the one expecting or your supporting your woman who’s expecting, we are all experiencing a level of stress surrounding the new addition. Men can Channel those stress differently and as long as there’s trust, and that’s the truly main factor, I think it’s just fine.

Post # 48
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

CityBearBride :  I’m sorry but drunken house parties with table twerking are for college kids, not mature adults IMO. 

Post # 49
Member
465 posts
Helper bee

ktsteimel :  Are you concerned that the OP’s husband might trip and fall into a strange vagina, dick-first?

Post # 50
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

hampsterdance :  No, but it would be a turn off for me if my husband was interested in going to a drunken house party with 21 year olds twerking on tables. I guess I just appreciate the fact that his party days are long behind him. That doesnt mean he cant go do fun stuff without me.

I totally get where OP is coming from, I think everyone is too concerned with thinking shes being controlling. Its not about that, its about this particular type of party environment that she wasnt comfortable with, and I 100% agree with that.

Post # 51
Member
5038 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

I think its important to allow your husband to have a social life.  If he isn’t out partying every night I don’t see what the issue is.  I think the bigger issue here is trust.  Why can’t you trust him to be alone at a party and what difference does it make if you are pregnant or not?

Post # 52
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m 6 months pregnant and this wouldn’t have bothered me in the least. 

First of all, while yes, our “partying” days are pretty much over, that doesn’t mean that once in a blue moon (like a friend’s going away party) we don’t enjoy going to a party. Let’s not equate a friend’s going away party with the OP’s husband being out partying like a teenager every night. 

OP, your attitude that “when your married there’s things and places you have no business doing and going alone to anymore unless its like a bachlor night or something once in a life time sort of deal” and the fact that you loop friends’ going away parties and bars into this group, is actually pretty gross and unhealthy imho. 

You should have let him stay and enjoy the party. 

Post # 53
Member
2158 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

monique637 :  after your update you sound even more jelaous and controlling. Your husband can never go to a party again in his life unless you “let”  him? Wow. 

Post # 54
Member
2158 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I have a 10 month old and thank God my husband doesn’t mind me having a night out once in a blue moon. He trusts that some guys dick won’t just fall into me….

Post # 55
Member
488 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I don’t have any kids, so take my opinion with a grain of salt.  Assuming Darling Husband rarely goes out partying on his own while you are pregnant, I think it is okay for him to go out for a night and have fun.  If he is doing this regularly (like once a month) I would be very upset.  But a few times throughout your whole prenancy seems fair.  Since the whole house party, night club, bar scene seems to bother you, you could encourage him to socialize in other ways.  Maybe he could invite friends over, go bowling, golfing, fishing, etc.  But, I do think you should trust him enough to go to a house party or a bar with his friends once in a while.  

Post # 56
Member
1042 posts
Bumble bee

monique637 :  For some reason I can’t copy and paste your comment, so I had to take an extra step…. You can’t be ok with him doing these thing when you are not pregnant and have major issues while you are. Not fair. Yes, it takes to to make the baby, and you get the short end of the stick by being the incubator, but he shouldn’t be punished for something you BOTH chose to do. 

It was a going away party for someone he’s known for roughly 10 years! (Estimate based off mid-late 20’s and known since high school), and plans change. You already have two kids. You should be used to plans changing last minute. And it wouldn’t be a big deal for him to catch a cab that one time. 

 

Post # 57
Member
9130 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

As long as he’s not doing it frequently, I think it’s overly controlling to make him come home with you when he’s having a good time catching up with friends.  You don’t have to be joined at the hip just because you’re pregnant.

Post # 58
Member
2158 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Also the thing is.. to elaborate and answer your question as to why it’s beneficial for your marriage: If you don’t let him do things that he wants to do, he will resent you. Resentment is definitely not a good thing in a marriage. This was a rare oppourtnity for him to catch him with a lot of old friends and there was no real reason why he shouldn’t be able to do that. If you do nice things like this for him, he will do the same for you. Surely you married someone who you can trust will look the other way when girls are twerking on the table. When I want to go out with friends, it’s not because I want to play at being single or in any way risk damaging my marriage. It’s because I’m an extravert who needs to maintain contact with friends in order to enjoy my life and feel sane. If my husband deprived me of that then I would seriously resent him and in the long term I would honestly leave him for someone who allowed me to breathe in my relationship and go by my own conscience. I would never do anything inappropriate or cheat on him, but if I had a rare, possibly once-in-a-lifetime oppourtunity to catch up with old friends and say goodbye to someone and he deprived me of that, I would be very upset indeed. You have the rest of your lives together to enjoy… what’s one evening alone. It’s just jelaous and controlling to not allow him to have fun. 

Post # 59
Member
2019 posts
Buzzing bee

If his thought process was “my wife is pregnant and can’t go out and get drunk, so I’m going to go to a random party and get drunk with other girls” then there’s an issue. But this sounds like you BOTH went to a party, he wanted to stay and you wanted to go home. Realistically, it’s not like the two of you were going to go home and cuddle and watch a movie and have together time.

He’s not ditching you or being mean by staying at the party to continue hanging out with his friends. Everyone there saw the two of you together, so it’s also not like he went out to hit on random girls with a pregnant wife at home. 

If he ditched you every weekend because he wanted to go out and party wildly, and not spend time with his preggo wife, that would be a problem. But in this case, it sounds like he was having a good time, and you wanted to go home and go to sleep. It’s not like he was personally asking the girls to get on tables and twerk. He shouldn’t have to go home just because some girls in another room are doing something that, as a married guy, he shouldnt partake in (and by partake, I mean encouraging them or grinding up on them). 

Sorry- I think you’re overreacting on this one. 

Post # 60
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2016

monique637 :  yes bars and clubs were meant for something….to drink and dance!

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