Post # 1
Member
562 posts
Busy bee
My grandma and I were sitting and talking about everything. It came up to her asking me when I plan on having children, and I responded “Years. I want to be financially stable before I have a kid.” She said, “Well, I’m sure I won’t be around for that.”
I want to cry. My grandma raised me, she’s more of a mother to me than my biological mother, and the thought of her not being around during my pregnancy or to see my baby breaks my heart. I told her “I’m sure you will be! I’m only talking about three years…” But three years is a lot right now. She’s 75, and finally starting to seem older… I know my husband and I need that time, to save up money for the future and to just be together before having a baby, but I’m starting to reconsider. I always wanted to be a young mother, but also a responsible one. No baby til there’s plenty in savings, and steady income. We have steady income, but only a decent amount in savings…
Sorry this is a vent. I just need to talk to someone since hubby’s at work.
Post # 3
Member
4162 posts
Honey bee
That’s too sweet. I think you should do what’s best for you and your hubby though. That’s very responsible for you to want to be stable and be able to provide for your child(ren). As much as it would be a blessing to have your grandmother around for your pregnancy and births, you have to do what’s best for you guys, and I’m sure your grandmother would understand and apreciate that!!!
Post # 4
Member
535 posts
Busy bee
Aww, I’m in kinda the same position :/ My grandmother is also 75 and we are very close. She has various health issues and she sometimes says things like that to me, “Well I won’t be here to see that…” I’m getting married in June, but I’m only 21, so I’d really like to wait a few years too before having kids. Right now, I’m just grateful that she’ll (hopefully!) be there for my wedding, and we’ll have to wait and see about the rest. It is sad to think about though, since she is such an important part of my life, but I try not to worry too much about it.
Post # 5
Member
2714 posts
Sugar bee
My grandparents are well into their 80s and still kicking!! Have hope!!
That being said… One of my greatest fears right now is that one of them will not make it another year and a half to our wedding day. 🙁 🙁
Post # 6
Member
562 posts
Busy bee
@Ryansgirl: Thank you. I know it’s best for us to wait, and we will it’s just very heart-wrenching for me to think of her not being there… hopefully she will be, she’s in good health and active, I just know I’ll be a complete wreck if something happens.
@JennBug89: My husband has it worse than me; his great grandmother is dying from lung cancer (incurable, she doesn’t know how long she has) at the wedding they danced together and she said it’ll probably be the last dance they ever have. She started crying and he did too. I think it would mean a lot to her to be there to see her great great grandchild, but it just feels ‘right’ to be married at least a year or two before TTC…
Post # 7
Member
562 posts
Busy bee
@TinyTina: You’re lucky 🙂 I’m hoping my grandma makes it well into her eighties too. I had the same fears as you up until the wedding day… now it’s up until the first child. I think there will always be that milestone we don’t want them to miss, but no matter what we’ll miss them D:
Post # 8
Member
828 posts
Busy bee
aww! 🙁
Both my grandmas have passed away, one was just like yours – helped raise me, was closer to me than my mother. But her sister, my great aunt is very, very close to me – she actually lived next door to my grandma – she tells me if I don’t have a baby soon, she’ll have to be okay with watching us from heaven! It breaks my heart 🙁 I want her to be around my baby the same way she was with me. It’s not fair but it does make me so so so very grateful for every day I have with my loved ones.
Post # 9
Member
646 posts
Busy bee
My grandma said something similar, she’s 81. I told her it would give her a good reason to stick around for a while. 🙂
Post # 10
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
This made me get misty eyed because I could have written it! My grandmother is also 75 and we are very, very close. I think about this type of thing all the time. She makes similar comments in regards to future events such as “I’ll be gone by then.”
Before I was engaged one of my greatest fears was that my grandmothers wouldn’t be around for my wedding day. However, right now they are both in good health. I still can’t bear the thought of my children not knowing my grandmothers, though.
Anyway, I know where you are coming from and empathize with you!
Post # 11
Member
610 posts
Busy bee
Aw i know how you feel. I am really close to my grandparents. I was there almost every weekend for sleepovers growing up. And i really want to have kids before it’s to late for them to meet them. Even if she is not there in body she will be there in spirit.
Post # 12
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
My grandma is also in her eighties and she only has a mild heart condition that requires a low sodium diet. She’s going to be around for years and years to come (barring unforseen issues!); but she started talking about dying when she was about 75, too. I think it’s just a tough age to hit. Have faith in your grandma, you never know what will happen!
Post # 13
Member
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
You should do what’s right for you. Despite what she says, your grandmother loves you, and I’m sure that your happiness is more important to her than being a greatgrandmother. Think about how unselfishly you feel about people YOU really love – that’s what love is like!
Post # 14
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
I’m in the exact same position. I know my Nana would give 2 arms and a leg to have a great-grand baby. She’s 82, but we haven’t even decided if we want kids yet. But all hope rests on me to make the baby, I’m the oldest grandchild, my next oldest cousin has just recovered from leukaemia and it is feared that the cancer treatment has made her infertile, and other than that it’s my brother who will never have kids, or my younger cousins who are only aged 13-17.
My Nana has made quilts and blankets and all sorts of handmade goodies for her first great-grandchild so they will get something from her even if she’s not around any more. I really wish I could give her a chance to hold the baby that I know she so desperately wants, but I’m just not ready and it breaks my heart too.
I really feel for you SnowPeony 
Post # 15
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
My grandma helped raise me, so I know exactly how you feel. We got married Oct 09, and I never thought there was a possibility she wouldn’t be there. But she had a heart attack July 08, and died a few days later 🙁 We had toyed with moving the wedding to Oct 08 to help ensure she could be there, but I’m glad we didn’t rush because she passed in July. I miss her so much still, but I’m so glad that we didn’t push it up, cuz it would have been so stressful
My point is, do things in your own time. I know that you want her to experience it with you, but don’t do it for that sole reason, because you have a 50/50 shot of making the right choice…
Post # 16
Member
2496 posts
Buzzing bee
Awww… grandma. 🙁 That made me tear up!!
It is good, though, to be responsible and do what’s best for your and your almost hubby. Hopefully she has a lot more years left and can go to all kinds of fun school plays for your kids when they’re little!!
