(Closed) I’m ready for a baby – he wants to wait a few years

posted 8 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
1508 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Sounds like you guys need to compromise…maybe suggest you wait 2-3 years after your married and work really hard at saving up for a house and then start trying for baby…

Yes i realize thats still longer then what you want but it isn’t all about you, it’s about him as well.(not meant to sound rude if it does) 

You said you’re 26, thats is still very young! Although you are right the older you get the higher your risk of complications, keep in mind the risks are very minimal unless you are over 40(and even then  for the most part it’s just harder to conceive). I personally know a lot of older women who have had babies over 35 and even into their 40’s with no issues. The doctors may run a few more test on you but thats it. We live in a modern world and a lot of the risks that we’re previosuly worried about aren’t really things to worry about now.

From what i have heard from my married friends, even ones who were together for years and lived together before getting married said that things still changed after getting married and that having some married time without kids was very good/important for them.

 So as you said you both want kids, great! Taking a little bit of time to get yourselves financially set for family/future after you’re married won’t kill you, enjoy it! Just remeber you’re only young once and once you start having babies they will be around for many many years. What im trying to get at is that life becomes less about you two and all about the babies, couple time is precious and you won’t have the freedom to enjoy it until you’re kids are grown.

I’m sure thats not exaclty what you wanted to hear. i just wanted to remind you that there’s no rush you have lot’s of time, the best things are worth waiting for πŸ™‚

(side note i’m 27 and if Fiance and I decide to have a baby it wont be until a few years after we’re married)

Post # 4
1018 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

Darling Husband and I were in a similar situation. After a pregnancy scare I realized I was ready… He still wanted to wait until we’d been married 5 years. We had many discussions over the course of the last 2 years and eventually came up with a compromise. We decided to wait until 2012 and spend the year leading up to TTC doing all the things we have talked about doing pre-baby. It hasn’t always been easy, but now we are only 97 days away from TTC and we both feel good about it!

Maybe you can come up with a financial goal that would get you on your way to buying a house… And upon reaching that goal you can TTC? Whatever you come up with, the key is compromise and communication! sounds like you’re already doing a good job of that πŸ™‚

Post # 5
7900 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

Since you still have 10 months to go before the wedding, there’s plenty of time for him to get the urge too. Also, maybe you can come to a compromise, like starting a few months after the wedding, you won’t actively try, but you’ll stop purposely trying not to.

Post # 6
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

We are getting married this July and I feel much the same as you, I’m ready to start on the wedding night but he wants time to spend together as a married couple to do things like traveling and buy a house before having an infant. I understand his thinking (no really I do), but the fact of the matter is there are a lot of benefits to me getting pregnant right away. We’ve discussed this matter AT LENGTH – think probably one night a week for the last 7 months. We finally came to the conclusion that we will wait 6 months and then we will stop trying to prevent pregnancy. That will give us at least a year baby free (though I may be pregnant for part of the year). We don’t know how long it will take to get pregnant but OUR (yes that’s right even him) would be to conceive around my birthday next year. It took a while to get there and many many many conversations but we finally reached a decision we are both so happy with!

Post # 8
777 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

You sound like you’re very emotional about this and not being very rational. Hopefully you can find a way to compromise, but I agree with your Fiance that for most couples TTC immediately after the wedding isn’t a great idea. You also mention that he has debt that’s preventing you guys from saving for a down payment. Buying a house is one thing, but you should at least try to be debt-free before TTC. Your worries about fertility also seem a bit overstated.

If I were in your shoes I would probably draw up a shared budget for paying off your FI’s debt; save up a nice little nest egg; and see if he’ll agree to starting TTC when you are 28 or 29 once you’ve accomplished those two goals. I know you want a baby right now, but you want to give it the best start in life that you possibly can, and that means a stable marriage with a timeline both spouses feel comfortable with and some financial stability. Remember, you’re not just sitting around twiddling your thumbs and waiting. You’re actively building your future together!

One final thought: would it help to babysit or find some other way to interact with young children on a regular basis? Maybe if children were already part of your life in a meaningful sense, you’d be a bit more comfortable waiting a few years to have your own.

Post # 8
7 posts
  • Wedding: March 2012

I feel the same! I’ve had baby fever now for two years and all my friends have had babies practically. I’ve been married for almost four years, and we agreed to try after our fifth year anniversary. It can’t get here soon enough! And then I’m in nursing school and we both would like me to be finished with the associate’s dregree before a baby.

But it’s so hard when I see babies and feel tummies. I mean, I want one so bad. I’m 27 myself and I’ll be near 30 when we start trying and to be honest that scares me. I’ve heard of complications with getting pregnant and also having the baby at that age and I really don’t want to have any issues.

I know plenty of students who concieved and birthed a baby mid-program, yet still passed classes and graduated. I know I could do it and part of me wants to talk to my husband about going ahead and trying but we also want a bigger house.

I feel kind of guilty. I am almost hoping that one day by birthcontrol doesn’t work and I end up pregnant….

But still if now isn’t a good time I respect what my husband wants. And sometimes I’m personally a bit fearful of even bringing this up. And I have no friends to talk to about this. My best friend isn’t married and I’m not close enough with other friends. I guess I just need an outlet.

Post # 9
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2016


feelingconfused:  this post is from 4 years ago. Perhaps @miss_vanilla has a baby by now?  πŸ™‚ 

Post # 13
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

miss_vanilla:  Thanks for posting your follow up, it gives me some hope. I’m in a similar situation — husband wants to wait until we have a house, which will proabably be 3-4 years from now. I was originally ok with this… until the baby fever hit me. I’ve always wanted to be a mother, but baby fever is very, very real and there is no ignoring it once it starts. Even after reading your experience with the difficulties of having a new baby, my brain is still like “yeah, I don’t care, I want that.” lol even though I know once I finally do have a child, I’ll be like “why did I sign up for this again??” Oh I just love these hormones. πŸ˜‰

Post # 14
1 posts

miss_vanilla :  i know this thread is old but I would love to know how things turned out for you. I am in this exact situation now…

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