(Closed) I'm ready for it to be over!! ((Need to vent))

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Oh my darling, I’m sorry 🙁  I’ve had something similar with my Maid/Matron of Honor who is also my sister.  And I’ll tell you the best thing that happened was when I went to her house and sat down face to face to talk about some of the stuff that had been going on.  I know that may not be possible with the distance between the 2 of you, but the emailing and texting is NOT going to solve anything, trust me!  Some good ole fashioned talking is what needs to happen.  Chances are that the two of you have differing expectations of what her role is as your Maid/Matron of Honor.  Believe me, I understand that you want her there at all of your events, and there is nothing wrong with that, but something that I’ve had to learn (even before this fiasco) is that as sad as it is, sometimes it’s best to lower my expectations of others.  Just because I would behave a certain way, doesn’t mean that someone else will do the same, ya know?  It doesn’t necessarily make my way right and their way wrong, but everyone’s different. 

I don’t blame you for being upset and irritated and hurt and sad and all the other emotions that I guarantee you’re feeling right now, but at least your matron is helping to pick up some of the slack.  My best advice is to take your focus off of your Maid/Matron of Honor and turn the focus onto the ones who are going to be there for your shower and bachelorette party and all the other stuff.  ((Hugs!))  I promise you that when it’s all said and done, you won’t give this whole thing a second thought.

Post # 5
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@ashnic87:  I know it is, but you’re going to look back on this and want to smack yourself because you spent so much time and energy on something that, in the grand scheme of things, didn’t really matter.  You are in charge of your own happiness and you have a choice to either let what she’s doing/has done to you make you miserable and ruin these wonderful days leading up to the happiest day of your life, or you can decide that you will rise above it and not let her pull your focus off of your special day.  Because here’s the thing…this celebration is all about you and you’re turning it into something that’s more about her.  Trust me – I was doing the exact same thing with my sister so I’m definitely not being judgmental when I say that to you!  When I made my mind up that regardless of whether she was there or not that I was going to have the time of my life, it just seemed like things got much more lighthearted.  I love my sister dearly and she is my best friend, but she’s also self centered at times, and I refuse to let that dictate my happiness during this time.  It will all be over before we know it (mine basically is haha!) and I am determined to make this season of my life as happy as it can be 🙂

Post # 6
Member
7649 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

Can’t she give the necklace to your mom to bring for the bridal shower since I assume your mother is coming for your bridal shower over the weekend? And if you wanted it for your last dress fitting could your mom bring it?

I know that doesn’t take care of the issue that you’re pissed off at her, but I disagree with how everyone has handled these situations, so I don’t really want to touch on that. There will be plenty of other people that will. I am trying to find you a solution to get your necklace.

Post # 7
Member
9139 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@ashnic87:  I got a bit confused but I think you are talking about your maid of honor and not the matron of honor.  Maybe she is upset because she is not married and may not be with a guy worth marrying at the moment.  Did you ask her what was so exhausting or did you immediately get upset that she wasn’t attending?  A good friend would have asked what is going on that would cause her to miss out on your events before getting angry.

I remember attending a friend’s wedding (10!) years ago and her maid of honor was her best friend.  However, she wasn’t in the same place the bride was at in life.  She waited until the day of the wedding to freak out.  After the ceremony she disappeared; we couldn’t find her to sign the marriage license so another Bridesmaid or Best Man had to step in.  We later found her in her underwear on the roof of the reception venue drunk and crying that the bride was married and she wasn’t.  It was awful!  We finally calmed her down and she made it to the reception but it was rough for a little while.

Your friend may be flaking out a bit because she is jealour or upset.  She is not going to admit this to you.  Calm down and call her (no email, no text, leave a voicemail if you have to) and let her know how much you value her as friend and would like for her to attend X event.  If she persists in being unable to attend, leave it.  Enjoy the vent with people who actually want to be there.

P.S. I don’t know that I would want to drive five hours alone to attend a bachelorette and bridal shower with people I don’t know other than the bride.  Also, she may not have the money to.  No matter how much money you think someone has, you truly never know their situation.

Post # 8
Member
1469 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Ok I get why you are upset with your Maid/Matron of Honor but I think maybe the overall stress has made you overreact a little. Her flakiness should not make you want your whole wedding to be over! Also, I’m curious, how was her buying your necklace a bad thing?

I get it though. im normally laid back and I had a near meltdown when I found out a cousin I dont know at all may end up inviting herself to the wedding bc she was driving my aunt and uncle to the wedding (unbeknownst to me). I had a small wedding. Anyway in retrospect it totally was not worth becoming bridezilla over. It was one person and she didn’t show anyway.

Have you read the other disasters on the bee? Fathers stealing invites to invite everyone he knew, MILs calling the bride fat, etc. I just hope maybe some perspective will help so you don’t have a dark shadow hanging over this exciting time in your life! 

Post # 13
Member
167 posts
Blushing bee

@ashnic87:  What? Your Maid of Honor bailed 3 weeks before the wedding? I’d have to assume something major has happened to her?

 

Anyway, hope you are feeling better about your wedding, and hope that you enjoy it very much.

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