Post # 1
My wedding is in 22 days (May 4th) and I am SO ready for it to be over! I just need to vent and if you want to read and comment, I’d love it!
So I’ll back up – I have two MOH’s. I have a matron and a maid. My matron was my college roommate, we’ve been best friends for almost 8 years. My maid and I have been friends since high school. We go through times were she suddenly quits talking to me but that hasn’t happened in a while. I made her my Maid/Matron of Honor instead of just having one because I knew she would b***h and complain about it if I didn’t. First mistake right?
There has been a lot of ups and downs of the wedding planning. All of the downs have included the Maid/Matron of Honor (I’ll refer to her as this – she is the one that I have been friends with since high school). When we first got engaged she was supposed to come in town for the weekend when we had the flower, decorater, cake and dj appointment – well she never showed up. No phone call, text, email – nothing. Just didn’t show up. There has been drama with my parents but mainly with her (she has known my parents for years).
I am doing a statement necklace for my wedding, which my parents bought me for – kinda. The necklace, my parents, and my Maid/Matron of Honor all live in Illinois (I live in Ohio). My Maid/Matron of Honor called me last Friday and told me that my parents told her that they couldn’t pay for the necklace in time for her to bring it to me (today). So she went ahead and picked it up, paying for the rest of it. This ended up causing a lot of drama between my parents, me and her.
So now lets get to today. She has been talking about all week how she is coming in today with my necklace – today is my last dress fitting. Tomorrow is also my bridal shower and my bachelorette party. I get an email from her this morning saying she isn’t coming. That she is dealing with stuff and is exhausted and won’t be coming in. She understands that I am mad at her but won’t be coming in.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! We went through all this crap so she could bring me the necklace for my dress fitting and she doesn’t even come. My Maid/Matron of Honor isn’t coming to my bridal shower or bachelorette party?? I know some of you are thinking I should give her the benefit of the doubt but she has just not come before. At least she emailed me this time right? The sad part is my matron (who also lives in Illinois) and I had already planned for my matron to pick up the necklace if she didn’t show up. Pretty sad that I had a feeling this would happen.
I’m hurt and upset. I picked her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor for a reason. She also said that she wouldn’t feel apart of the group if she came. Are you kidding me? We are 26 years old – this is NOT high school! I wrote her back telling her I was mad and some other stuff. I also told her that if she wasn’t planning on coming to the wedding that I need to know now.
Does she think that everything is going to kosher in three weeks when it’s wedding time? Because it’s not.
What would you do Bee’s?
Post # 3
Oh my darling, I’m sorry 🙁 I’ve had something similar with my Maid/Matron of Honor who is also my sister. And I’ll tell you the best thing that happened was when I went to her house and sat down face to face to talk about some of the stuff that had been going on. I know that may not be possible with the distance between the 2 of you, but the emailing and texting is NOT going to solve anything, trust me! Some good ole fashioned talking is what needs to happen. Chances are that the two of you have differing expectations of what her role is as your Maid/Matron of Honor. Believe me, I understand that you want her there at all of your events, and there is nothing wrong with that, but something that I’ve had to learn (even before this fiasco) is that as sad as it is, sometimes it’s best to lower my expectations of others. Just because I would behave a certain way, doesn’t mean that someone else will do the same, ya know? It doesn’t necessarily make my way right and their way wrong, but everyone’s different.
I don’t blame you for being upset and irritated and hurt and sad and all the other emotions that I guarantee you’re feeling right now, but at least your matron is helping to pick up some of the slack. My best advice is to take your focus off of your Maid/Matron of Honor and turn the focus onto the ones who are going to be there for your shower and bachelorette party and all the other stuff. ((Hugs!)) I promise you that when it’s all said and done, you won’t give this whole thing a second thought.
Post # 4
I wish talking to her in person was an option but she lives fives hours away. I feel like talking to her wouldn’t even help because she’s done this before. I’m trying hard to focus on it but it’s so hard!
Post # 5
I know it is, but you’re going to look back on this and want to smack yourself because you spent so much time and energy on something that, in the grand scheme of things, didn’t really matter. You
are in charge of your own happiness and you have a choice to either let what she’s doing/has done to you make you miserable and ruin these wonderful days leading up to the happiest day of your life, or you can decide that you will rise above it and not let her pull your focus off of your special day. Because here’s the thing…this celebration is all about you and you’re turning it into something that’s more about her. Trust me – I was doing the exact same thing with my sister so I’m definitely not being judgmental when I say that to you! When I made my mind up that regardless of whether she was there or not that I was going to have the time of my life, it just seemed like things got much more lighthearted. I love my sister dearly and she is my best friend, but she’s also self centered at times, and I refuse to let that dictate my happiness during this time. It will all be over before we know it (mine basically is haha!) and I am determined to make this season of my life as happy as it can be 🙂
Post # 6
Can’t she give the necklace to your mom to bring for the bridal shower since I assume your mother is coming for your bridal shower over the weekend? And if you wanted it for your last dress fitting could your mom bring it?
I know that doesn’t take care of the issue that you’re pissed off at her, but I disagree with how everyone has handled these situations, so I don’t really want to touch on that. There will be plenty of other people that will. I am trying to find you a solution to get your necklace.
Post # 7
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@ashnic87: I got a bit confused but I think you are talking about your maid of honor and not the matron of honor. Maybe she is upset because she is not married and may not be with a guy worth marrying at the moment. Did you ask her what was so exhausting or did you immediately get upset that she wasn’t attending? A good friend would have asked what is going on that would cause her to miss out on your events before getting angry.
I remember attending a friend’s wedding (10!) years ago and her maid of honor was her best friend. However, she wasn’t in the same place the bride was at in life. She waited until the day of the wedding to freak out. After the ceremony she disappeared; we couldn’t find her to sign the marriage license so another Bridesmaid or Best Man had to step in. We later found her in her underwear on the roof of the reception venue drunk and crying that the bride was married and she wasn’t. It was awful! We finally calmed her down and she made it to the reception but it was rough for a little while.
Your friend may be flaking out a bit because she is jealour or upset. She is not going to admit this to you. Calm down and call her (no email, no text, leave a voicemail if you have to) and let her know how much you value her as friend and would like for her to attend X event. If she persists in being unable to attend, leave it. Enjoy the vent with people who actually want to be there.
P.S. I don’t know that I would want to drive five hours alone to attend a bachelorette and bridal shower with people I don’t know other than the bride. Also, she may not have the money to. No matter how much money you think someone has, you truly never know their situation.
Post # 8
Ok I get why you are upset with your Maid/Matron of Honor but I think maybe the overall stress has made you overreact a little. Her flakiness should not make you want your whole wedding to be over! Also, I’m curious, how was her buying your necklace a bad thing?
I get it though. im normally laid back and I had a near meltdown when I found out a cousin I dont know at all may end up inviting herself to the wedding bc she was driving my aunt and uncle to the wedding (unbeknownst to me). I had a small wedding. Anyway in retrospect it totally was not worth becoming bridezilla over. It was one person and she didn’t show anyway.
Have you read the other disasters on the bee? Fathers stealing invites to invite everyone he knew, MILs calling the bride fat, etc. I just hope maybe some perspective will help so you don’t have a dark shadow hanging over this exciting time in your life!
Post # 9
My mother is no longer with me (passed away in December). My stepmom and father live 5 hours away so they were not coming to the bridal shower, so that wasn’t an option. And again my mom couldn’t come to my fitting. Luckily my Matron of Honor was able to pick it up for me on her way into town.
Post # 10
I tried to contact her but she wouldn’t reply to me at all. Not be text, phone or email. And I don’t really like “a good friend” comment. Because also on her end, a good friend wouldn’t have backed out of this weekend. All that was said was that she had stuff going on in her life. Part of being angry (which I had every right to be) was the day before she was supposed to drive out she told me what time she was leaving and what not. All week she talked about coming and when she would come. Then three hours before she was supposed to head she suddenly can’t come.
Post # 11
Her paying for the rest of the necklace was bad because it was a present from my parents and she took that away from them. It was supposed to be something that they were giving me and they are no longer able to do that.
Post # 12
And as an update – she sent me a TEXT message on Saturday (during my wedding festivities) saying she was no longer going to be coming to the wedding – three weeks before my wedding. Her reason: something happened last week but nothing to worry about..
Post # 13
What? Your Maid of Honor bailed 3 weeks before the wedding? I’d have to assume something major has happened to her?
Anyway, hope you are feeling better about your wedding, and hope that you enjoy it very much.