Post # 1
Hello bees. I just need to vent about a bad arguement that Fiance and I had last night. We recently got engaged and plan to get married in only a few months in a civil ceremony. I was so excited when he proposed because I really felt like we were moving forward, and I immediately started thinking about TTC. I know it sounds like we’re moving fast, but keep in mind that I am 29 and Fiance is 37.
I have a full time job and right now I make a lot more than Fiance. I feel like the only thing that is holding us back right now is Fiance getting a full time job. He got his masters degree last spring, and since then he has been looking for work but he has only had one interview. He has another interview this week for a part time job in his field, but I still feel like he’s not trying hard enough. Right now he works less than full time at a low wage job, and it’s very frustrating that he has no motivation to make more money.
He says he wants to have a baby “soon” but he can’t plan for anything since he doesn’t have a job in his chosen field yet. He has a lot of confidence and motivation issues that trip him up in the job search process. On the other hand, I have held down 2 or 3 jobs at once in the past when I couldn’t find full time work. I know it’s his personality, but it hurts that he’s not more motivated to help me to financially support our future family.
To make matters worse, Fiance hates our apartment due to our noisy neighbors. I agree that they are annoying, but he gets really upset about it and paranoid if there is any noise. He says he can’t event think about us having a baby until our lease is up next summer.
I want a family with Fiance so badly, but for some reason I have this deep-seated fear that I won’t be able to conceive after putting if off for so long. I have discussed with Fiance my plan to go off BC pills soon and start monitoring my cycles, but he’s not taking me seriously. I’m feeling really depressed because it’s going to be a long, bleak winter with nothing to look forward to. Every time I see a pregnant women or a family with a small child I feel a pang of envy.
I know that I can’t pressure Fiance to have a baby any sooner that both of us are ready, but what if he still hasn’t found a job in 6 months? On the other hand, I believe that there is no perfect time to have a baby. How long can I realistically put this off?
Post # 3
Guys really freaking suck sometimes. I have very similar problems with my Fiance. Sigh.
Post # 4
I think you should be asking the question if you really want to marry Fiance, or if you just want to marry and have a family. It sounds like you two have very different priorities as far as starting a family. Even if I have no idea what I’m talking about on that front, think about this: if he’s so unmotivated and unappreciative of how much work you are doing to support both of you, what will he be like when a baby is born? Will he stay home or will you? Will you have maternity leave? Is it paid?
Something you could do to better evaluate your options/wait time/etc would be to see your OBGYN and see if you would have any trouble conceiving. Twenty-nine is NOT old for childbearing, so unless you have other medical issues, talking with your doctor might quell some of your fears.
Post # 5
Yikes. In some ways, I feel very similarly b/c my Fiance is having trouble getting a job right now and I don’t feel he’s trying hard enough. I don’t want to nag, but damn, they need to step it up! Anyways, all I can say is try to stay away from pregnant/baby things. I know when I start obsessing is when it starts hurting more. For a while I stayed off weddingbee b/c of all the baby obsession and infertility threads. You have time still, just remember that.
Post # 6
@greenmachine838: Thank for your the insightful response. Please don’t misunderstand me, I do want to marry him more than anything – he’s a good man. Even after our arguement last night when I was upset and crying, he sat next to me, stroked my hair, and told me that I deserve to have everything I want. I know in my heart that he wants the same things, it’s just that our timelines aren’t in sync.
He has said many times that he would be willing to be a stay at home dad, but definitely needs to be working full time now and probably part time after the baby. I actually do have an annual exam scheduled this month and I plan to ask my doctor’s advice on TTC. I hope you’re right and she can reassure me.
Post # 7
I think a great start would be getting yourself familiar with you cycles off of hormonal interention with charting, etc etc.
Even if you get pregnant right away, you still have 9 or so months to prepare. So looks like it will be past April and gives some time to get a job. It seems more like your Fiance doesn’t feel like he is good enough at the moment with his situation, and really can’t see himself with a baby, since they are extremely burdensome, physically, emotionally , financially. I don’t think your too old for babies quite yet but like others reccomend, get some fertility testing done to see where you stand with eggs and such. As well as your FI’s sperm!