(Closed) I’m ready to slap a bridesmaid

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

Get someone else “my dear Liza” (singing)

Post # 4
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

That’s so annoying.

I think you could tell Anna it’s ok not to try so hard to accommodate “C”.

It sounds like “C” will always have a conflict and is unwilling to compromise, at some point you just have to say, “Well, I’m really sorry that nothing works for you, but we need to get this on the calendar and so we’ve picked a date that most can attend.”

I actually had to do that with my bachelorette party as there was not a SINGLE weekend in June, July, or August that worked for all 5 bridesmaids.

I think just let Anna know you appreciate all she is doing to try and accommodate everyone, but if someone refuses to be accommodated (hint hint “C”) then there’s really nothing that can be done. 

Post # 5
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

No human is busy every single weekend. it just doesn’t happen. It seems like “C” is trying to make an excuse to not see “A”, but also being very childish about it.

I think you need to find someone else or just have an unbalanced birdal party. It really is okay to have more people on one side than the other.

Post # 7
46672 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Have you talked with her in person? or just texted or emailed?

I would set a time to meet in person with her to tell her how much you value her friendship and her participation in your marriage. I would make it clear to her that I still wnated her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man and I would understand if she couldn’t make some events, if she understands that not all the events can be planned around her schedule. Your other frinds have full calendars too.

I would make it clear that I expected her to act civilly to “A” at all times. She doesn;t get to dictate who will be included at your various events.  If she can’t do that, then I would ask her to step down.

Post # 8
777 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

She’s a self-absorbed drama queen, and nothing’s going to change that. You can’t have her but not the drama and selfishness. It doesn’t work that way. If I were in your shoes, I would reimburse her for the dress and drop her. “Anna” and “A” don’t deserve to be treated that way, and it’s not worth your time or frustration to try to salvage a friendship with someone who cares so little for other people’s feelings. Trust me, you’re going to get fed up with her and drift apart at some point anyway.

Post # 10
43 posts
  • Wedding: October 2012

Tell her if she can’t put aside her differences with “A” for the sake of your wedding, then she’s not acting like a real friend.

Post # 11
8727 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Sorry but I am kind of one your BM’s side more. Your Maid/Matron of Honor was extremely rude to her after she repeatedly said she couldn’t do weekends (and there could be a million reasons- maybe she works, maybe she volunteers, maybe she is involved in some sort of group) and gave an alternative time (weeknight) you Maid/Matron of Honor said be unbusy! because it didn’t work with her schedule to do it on a weeknight (so being just as inflexible).

Yes the Bridesmaid or Best Man is being immature about the other Bridesmaid or Best Man that she dislikes but it isn’t written anywhere that BM’s have to like each other. Yes they should be civil and if she is failing to do that I would just avoid putting them together. Have you actually taken the time to talk to the Bridesmaid or Best Man and ask what her issues with the other Bridesmaid or Best Man is? Maybe the Bridesmaid or Best Man did something horrible to her and she hasn’t shared it with you because she knows the two of you are friends.

You knew what she was like before you asked her to be a BM! Did you really expect that your wedding would be the point where she changed her personality and behaviour (which she has had her whole life)?

Tell her to show up on the day and in the dress and stop expecting her to do all the extra planning etc that she obviously doesn’t want to do. A Bridesmaid or Best Man doesn’t have to plan or throw parties- if they do it is just icing on the cake.

If you really value and respect this person as a friend then I would talk to her about your relationship and not about the wedding. Weddings are a one day party- friends should be for life.

Post # 13
777 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

And yes, I did and still do expect her to change her behaviour for my wedding. That’s what a REAL friend does.

I can’t decide if this is funny or just sad. Good luck, OP. I see a lot of disappointment in your future.

Post # 16
2863 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Well your expectations are completely out of line with reality so I am not surprised you aren’t happy. This is how C is, you are aware of it and asked her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. That is on you. You can’t force her to like, talk to or be around someone she doesn’t like. She doesn’t have to come to all your events, help plan or do any of those thing nor does she have to ( or should she ) change her personality because you are getting married. You and your Maid/Matron of Honor are making a big deal out of essentially nothing. If she doesn’t want to come then so what? If she doesn’t want to get her makeup done how you want then so what? You need perspective. All she has to do is show up to your wedding and anything else on top of that is cake. 

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