(Closed) I’m really annoyed with FH’s ex….

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: What would you do in this situation?
    Let FH handle it like he has been. Hes doing okay and doing the right thing she will go away.... : (28 votes)
    35 %
    Pull her aside and tell her to put on her big girl panties and get a life. : (30 votes)
    37 %
    Knock her lights out and tell her shes messin with the WRONG SISTA! : (15 votes)
    19 %
    other (specify below) : (8 votes)
    10 %
  • Post # 3
    5823 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I think that trying to kiss your FIANCE in front of OTHER PEOPLE merits you talking to her!!  Your Fiance has made it clear he has no interest in her, but I think you need to make it clear to her that she is not welcome in your life!  I would tell her that if she doesn’t knock that crap off you will make sure that she never sees him or talks to him again.  (Leave out the part where you throw her dead body in a lake…)  What a psycho!!

    Post # 4
    454 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Wow, that is absolutely not okay.  I mean, I can understand if it were a one-time issue.  I have guy friends who, if they tried to kiss me, I’d say absolutely not and they’d be done with that business.  But someone who continually is trying to manipulate another person?  I doubt that is healthy for ALL parties involved.  I think your FH needs to handle it, but seriously consider whether or not this friendship with her is worth your discomfort.  If my boyfriend was friends with an ex who attempted that nonsense, I’d probably throw down some ultimatums and would be prepared to walk away if he still “needed” to be there for her or whatever the case may be,


    But that’s just me.  I’ve not been in that situation before so I’m sure other ladies on here have some more constructive advice. 🙂

    Post # 5
    2204 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Your FH needs to cut off all non-work communication with her. She clearly doesn’t “get it” and seems to think she still has a chance with him. Even though your FH is being a nice person to her, it’s not being contructive and that she even tried to kiss him in front of other people would indicate to me that maybe he hasn’t been as firm with her as he needs to be.

    Post # 6
    7053 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    She will use imho every chance to get at/with him so def they have to stop all communication and maybe he needs to call her with you on the line so that she understands she cannot continue this behavior.

    If she does this stuff at work and it is unwanted, that is sexual harassment imho.  He should turn her into HR if she does this.  It’s unfortunate she cannot seem to move on, and since this is the case, she needs to be “helped” in how to stop her behaviors.  Not sure where the almost kiss almost happened,but if it’s at work, then that should significantly help her behavior.    

    Post # 7
    2066 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Your Fiance needs to handle it.  Its only going to get worse if you get involved.  

    Post # 8
    1426 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    I don’t think you should say anything to her because with the work situation, she could cause him a lot of trouble.  This seems like the type of person who could switch to being vindictive very quickly. 

    Your Fiance needs to talk to HR, or to his boss if there is no HR department, asap.  He needs to get his story on the record now, in case she decided to try something crazy like make up lies about him and try to get him in trouble.  After everything is on the record from his side with HR, it might be good for him to have one last conversation with her about this just to make sure that she has no room to say “Well, he never told me he wasn’t interested, he was leading me on” or anything like that. Of course it isn’t true, but he needs to think about what he can prove. When I was having an issue with unwanted attention like that at work, I was advised to tell the person through email, very clearly, “I am not interested in you, please stop.  Your attentions are inappropriate and unwanted.” and to save the email (and any replies).  If he does that, then if one day she gets mad and tries to start trouble for him, he can pull out the email and say “Look, she’s been harassing me and I’ve done everything I can to maintain a civil, professional relationship here.”

    Good luck, and hopefully this last incident will be a wake up call to her, she’ll start to move on, and leave the two of you in peace.

    Post # 9
    16213 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    I wouldn’t get involved directly. That seems like a guarantee for major drama.

    However, it seems the current situation isn’t cutting it.

    I agree with PinkPinstripes that he needs to sever all ties, aside from work obligations. It’s not because you don’t trust him, but clearly she cannot respect your relationship/engagement/commitment. Through no fault of your Fiance, every time she pulls crap like trying to kiss him, it hugely affects your relationship.

    Not. Acceptable. She needs to be out of the picture to the extent that he has the power to do so. Not because he can’t be trusted, but because she seems to be out of control.

    Post # 11
    239 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    Greenleafmountain has it right! Don’t talk to her, (as tempting as it may be to knock her teeth out… believe me, I know) because that may trigger her to try something more drastic to spite you, which may get your guy in trouble!! 

    I’m not saying this will happen to you guys, but it is something that *can* happen… a friend of mine’s (now ex)BF had this crazy chick basically stalking him after he talked to her at a party, and after she got tired of him spurning her advances, she accused him of sexual assault. That had never happened, but it was her word against his… 

    Thing was, really, that he was too nice to her. He wasn’t interested, but felt bad for her so didn’t block her on facebook or MSN, and she’d stalked him so much that she knew all about my friend and cornered her on campus one day. Nothing bad happened, but she talked to my friend like they’d been best buddies growing up, and it scared the crap out of my friend. But, if he’d saved her MSN and facebook messages, had a paper trail, he could have proven that she was a crazy b(*%@ and likely even got a restraining order.

    TLDR: Paper trail = good!!

    Post # 12
    16213 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    @spaganya: You’re being really mature about this. Good for you! And so great that you have an Fiance that is open and honest with you.

    But you don’t want to constantly have to be worrying about what she’s up to. Maybe mention to your Fiance that you think it’s best he avoid being in her presence at all cost. No girlfriend/fiancee/wife should have to always have this question in her mind.

    Post # 14
    2208 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Unfortunately, with crazies, giving them more attention will only make things worse. If you confront her, it will fuel her crazy. It is a bad situation, but it isn’t as if your Fiance is falling for it.

    Post # 15
    948 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2018 - Coyaba Resort, Montego Bay

    He needs to handle it, but handle it differently than he has handled it in the past.  Enough about feeling bad for moving out, it has been 3 years!  He needs to be firm and limit all conversation and interaction to work ONLY.

    Sorry to hear it!  Make sure he knows how important this is for you!

    Post # 16
    218 posts
    Helper bee

    Wow. Not to sound un-ladylike, but I’d punch her in the damn face. What a piece of work.

    My fiance’s ex is also crazy, and thinks my fiance is still in love with her. Sometimes late at night his phone will ring and go to VM two or three times in a row.

    I have a difficult time dealing with it, because I’ve cut off communication with all of my past ex’s.

    Good luck!

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