Post # 1
Member
654 posts
Busy bee
SO, i really need to vent. im so upset that I feel shaky.
So I have this friend, she and i took a college course together and when I lived in the same town as her we were inseperable. Well then i moved 100 miles away to be with my Fiance.
She and I still kept in touch and hung out as much as we could. but it was ALWAYS me who contacted her whether it was call or text. I ALWAYS drove to see her. she has visited me ONCE since i moved here (its been like 2 years)
The only time she wants to see me is when she and her bf are fighting and she just wants a drinking buddy. I try to be her safe house and accept her with open arms.
Until now. I asked her to be my bridesmaid and she said she would love too! I was so excited to have her as a bridesmaid. until we actually started planning the wedding. i took her dress shoppign with me and since she and her bf were fighting she flat out said she doesnt want to help because shes jealous im getting married and shes fighting… okkkk
AND THEN i finally order her bridesmaids dress, she didnt bother to help me pick it out she couldnt be bothered, she said just order it. and then when i start asking for her help she always says shes busy and reschedule or she would be a no show. and then the next day i would see her facebook PLASTERED with clu/drunk pics from the night before.
so, i cut her out. she had cancelled on me so many times that SHE was the biggest stress of my whole wedding. she said ok, but now she is punishing me. she wont talk to me and she wont even be polite to me. i shared my feelings and she basically blamed ME fore everything. how i hurt her and its all my fault and how i should be happy shes coming to the wedding at all.
Im so done with this girl at this point. she has hurt me so deeply and made me cry. i feel like its all one sided. should i even have her at the wedding?
SORRY LONGGGGGGGGGGG
Post # 3
Member
2286 posts
Buzzing bee
Honey, I know EXACTLY how you feel. She’s probably punishing you precisely because you asked her not to be in the wedding. Ask yourself, do you really want to be friends with this person? She sounds toxic. You should be happy she’s coming to your wedding at all? Geez.
Post # 4
Member
6659 posts
Bee Keeper
Hmm.. I don’t like her attitude or response to you cutting her out. She sounds uuber defensive and selfish, I doubt you will be able to write her a long email about your feelings and have her really take it to heart.
If I were you, I would not invite her to the wedding. It doesn’t seem like she’s a good enough friend at this point, plus, you don’t want to stress out about her on the most important day of your life.
Post # 5
Member
654 posts
Busy bee
im basically in tears right now, she just texted me back and said how she cant talk to me at all. shes so upset with me and how i wronged her. she said i couldnt come to help you because i had bday parties to go to and so thats my fault for not making her schedule work. i feel so drained but i still love her as a friend because we have had good times. i hate cutting friends, but i feel like i should? Im so confused
Post # 6
Member
294 posts
Helper bee
Friendship is a two way street. You can’t constantly be the one making the effort to see her or work around when is convenient for her. As much as it sucks I would say move on. Someone like that isn’t worth your time or energy. This is supposed to be a happy time for you and she’s basically causing that to not be the case for you.
Post # 7
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
Like Msiphone said, friendship is a 2-way street – you can not be the one constantly putting in the effort.
It’s sad to me that as women, we will encourage a girlfriend to get away from a man if he isn’t treating her right – why don;t we hold our girlfriends to the same standard? Seriously.
Painful though it may be, some friendships are better left as fond memories. There is a time to walk away, and this is it. You deserve better.
Post # 8
Member
472 posts
Helper bee
- Wedding: October 2010 - Ladder 15 Restaurant
I agree with ms iphone. Friendships that are one sided take way too much effort, and frankly, you deserve a better friend. There’s no reason you should feel obligated to include her as a guest of the wedding if she’s treating you this way. She needs to grow up and realize that if she said yes to being a bridesmaid, it comes with responsibilities like BEING THERE for you. If she can’t do that, she shouldn’t have been surprised that she was cut.
Sorry that you’re going through this…it’s always difficult to let go of a friend.
Post # 9
Bee
2360 posts
Buzzing bee
- Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden
It doesn’t sound like she even wants to come to the wedding, the way she is treating you! This sounds like a very tough situation, but someone like that doesn’t sound like a friend at all.
Post # 10
Member
42 posts
Newbee
i dont think she is a friend at all. sorry but these people r horrible. i would not have problem cutting her out from wedding and my life
Post # 11
Member
53 posts
Worker bee
I’m so sorry you’re going thru this, especially so close to your wedding.
You’re the bride – she should be doing everything possible to help you, and make your life easier during this busy time! You’ve put so much effort in to the relationship so far, and from her actions, it doesn’t seem like she’s even interested in working things out. You dont deserve such a selfish person in your life!
Post # 12
Member
2511 posts
Sugar bee
I have a “friend” just like this, who I used to work with and we were pretty close. I asked her to be a bridesmaid BEFORE I got a new job, and then again AFTER when I actually got engaged. In hindsight, I honestly wish I wouldn’t have asked her, because just like in your situation, I was ALWAYS the one contacting her, etc. I think it boiled down to jealousy (again, just like your situation) except it was because I got another job, not that I was getting marred (because she’s already married). To make a long story short, I was basically second-guessing my decision right from the start. She’s never acted the same towards me since I moved on from that job, and I think she still holds it against me. The only time she contacts me is when she’s obviously REALLY bored (she’s called me once in the past 2 months) and when I try to talk to her, she always sounds so uninterested really in the conversation.
Anyways, didn’t mean to hijack the thread with my own story, but you are not alone. From what you’ve stated, I just wouldn’t bother with her anymore. One-sided friendships aren’t friendships at all. 🙁
Post # 13
Member
654 posts
Busy bee
Okqueenbee- your situation sounds so similiar to mine. she shows no interest in my life at all. im so tired of driving hundreds of miles to see her yet she cant spare me a day. i dont see the big deal in skipping ONE bday party out of the million she goes to, to see me. im not worth that much?!?!
Post # 14
Member
2511 posts
Sugar bee
@ Osaka – yeah, the situations sound almost exactly alike. It sounds like you’ve been a great friend, sincere with your emotions and dedicated to preserving the relationship. SHE on the other hand apparently doesn’t even bother with you when things are going OK in her life, and then when they’re NOT, she actively uses that as a free pass to treat you like crap. Not cool.
*sigh* I told my “friend” that I would give her a cd of the wedding pics, which I haven’t done yet but texted her again last week to let her know, and I’m a person that keeps my word so I’m going to do it, but after than I think I’m done. It’s to the point where I don’t really trust her. I mean, if she basically treats me like crap to my FACE, WHAT does she say about me behind my back?
Hang in there!
Post # 15
Member
654 posts
Busy bee
I basically leftour conversation at, “if you want to come to the wedding because you really WANT to be there then come, but if your doing it to be polite please dont waste your time.” and she replied “K”.
So im being the bigger person and not cutting her, but at the same time i dont expect our relationship to go anywhere. i doubt she even shows at the wedding