- 5 years ago
- Wedding: December 2012
Ladies, help…. I’m really struggling with my 2WW (which in my case, tends to be closer to a 1WW due to previous short LP)… I felt like I hit complete rock bottom yesterday and today doesn’t feel much better either…
Warning: this is long!
I just can’t seem to control my stress levels. Being an organised person and always liking to stay in control of my life, TTC is really driving me crazy… and I don’t know what to do… I tried to make a list to see if I can address each think to make me feel better but I’m struggling.. the probmels are:
1) This is my 6th cycle trying, and although this is not many compared to some bees TTC for over a year (I think these ladies are amazing and to be honest hope they get KU before me bc I couldn’t wish the stress on anyone), I’m 34 and am getting super freaked out about how long it will take given my age (I didn’t wait to TTC jsut didn’t find Mr Right earlier in my life 🙁 ).
2) I found out I had a short LP 2 cycles ago, which is why I started charting. But I live in the UK and they’re not giving me access to a fertility doctor and the GP seems to be ignoring me/not understanding what I’m saying… I’m on B6 and B complex and agnus castus this cycle so I’mhoping things will improve, but for some reason I’m feeling pessimistic
3) Part of the reason I’m pessimistic is bc I haven’t seen enough of a temp spike after what I *think* is my O day (CD23), and normally when temp doesn’t rise enough means progesterone levels are not going up enough, and when that’s teh case, you have a short LP. If I don’t get another increase in temp tomorrow, my fears will be confirmed. My chart: http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/proudcatlady
4) Having to chart/temp every day is driving me crazy!! It’s a constant/daily reminder and it’s stressing me out. Also, bc my work can be a bit erratic, I have to temp at 5 am to ensure I temp at the same time every day, but then this means I don’t sleep well at all. My body starts waking me up at 4 and I toss and turn until 5, and then I struggle to go back to sleep (my body is annoying like that – if I set up an alarm at 4 am it’d start waking me up around 3 am). No sleep = stress, stress makes it more difficult to conceive… I considered not charting, but then, how will I know if my LP is under control??? My cycle days tend to be 30-31 days, so if I wasn’t watching for my O day I would’ve thought my LP was fine due to my cycle length (where in reality I tend to O late – around cd23)
5) My Darling Husband tries to be supportive but if it weren’t for you guys and for another friend who’s been TTC’ing for 10 months, I’d feel very alone. I know he tries, but he’s just not wired like I am. Guys for the most part don’t seem to worry like we do.. I wish I was like them..
6) I feel like this having to BD EOD to increase chances is really impacting my libido and my sexual health… Feeling like I have to puts me off and I worry of the long-term impact this will have on my sexual life with Darling Husband
7) And how does anyone manage to have libido/sexual drive when there’s so much stress/concern from all the above????
I know I should be feeling more positive during this 2WW but all I feel is dread for looming AF. I seriously don’t know how month after month i can be inspired by the amoutn of “required” BD to conceive…
And in the mean time I seem to be surrounded by people who:
– Get pregnant on the 1st or 2nd try
– Get pregnant when not even trying!
– Get pregnant by ‘accident’ when they skip 2 BC pills or DUI is in an odd position
– Are on their 2nd pregnancy after trying 1-3 times for each
– Teenage pregnancies
I really feel like I’m losing my mind 🙁