(Closed) I’m ridiculously obsessed…

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1738 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Been doing the same thing.  Somehow at times it makes me feel better to see ones I like that I think are affordable, but at others it drives me nuts and I wind up crying.  I have a wishlist I stick ’em in, and have deleted it twice now, only to re-start it.  I can’t seem to get as interested in ideas about potential dresses, as that seems such a far off fantasy that it’s feels dumb to even look. 🙁

Part of me would rather not have a time frame, but I know part of me would feel better to know there WAS something going on in his head.  I don’t know how ladies got their guys to tell them that they could plan on being engaged within X amount of months, and know that any conversation I’d have along those lines would just push him off it more.  I don’t believe in ultimatums, and don’t want to spend my life without him, even if that means we never get married, but geez I’d be a lot happier person if we were.  It’s making me feel worthless right now, like I’m too ugly or boring or whatever to want for more than just next week.  The best I’ve gotten is 2 more years…. maybe.

Post # 4
Member
391 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I’ve been looking at weddig stuff even before I was with my SO. A girl has her right to dream. And if he catches you browsing that stuff, he’d be a jerk for yelling at you for it.

Post # 5
Member
923 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I totally know what you mean about looking at E-rings!  I’ve got all sorts of pages bookmarked, and 4 different apps on my ipod.  🙂  I’ve even found out that my Boyfriend or Best Friend is using a ring from his grandmother, so there’s no real reason for me to look anymore, but STILL I keep looking.  (I tell myself if I don’t like the setting it’s in, then maybe we can get it reset)

@katydiddle:  Have you talked to him at all about a potential timeline or is it too hard to bring that up now? 

Post # 6
Member
52 posts
Worker bee

oh man– the worst for me is that my SO told me I could start looking at rings and I know I want something vintage so I would find something–and all vintage rings are one of a kin–so I would show him and then I’d watch the ring online until it sold to someone else, then I’d have to start my search over again…this happened a few times and it was gut wrenching, I would think “he told me I could look so why isn’t he bidding!!/buying?!”

Until one day I found a ring and pointed it out to him, and then a couple days later pointed it out again, and a couple of days later pulled it up again online and he just said “let’s go for that one!” I guess he really liked it too…and it was on a live auction site liveauctioneers.com and we sat next to eachother in the living room counting down the minutes to the auction start, and it started and it was about 10 seconds of anxious bidding back and forth online before the auctioneer said going….going…sold! to us, for exactly what we wanted to pay. He received the ring 2 months ago and I’m in the final stages of waiting, which almost took it’s toll on me the other night but I realized that my behavior after a few gin and tonics came close to ruining everything and have decided to just relax and breath!

I hope you get the ring of your dreams! The excitement of looking is worth the anxiety and tears I think. Maybe not…but I definitely liked to look. I still look, haha.

Post # 7
Member
57 posts
Worker bee

@Isilme: I think that I am to the exact same point as you.  It would bring me so much peace just to know some sort of timeline.  The reason for this is just like you said, to at least know that he is thinking about it.  I had been trying hard to stick to the christmas challenge thinking it might help him move things along if I quit talking about it.  Well, I broke down a couple nights ago and had a little meltdown to him and I realized that he hadn’t even been thinking about getting engaged recently.  I think a lot of the points I brought up in our conversation really made him realize my point of view and I think that he did not even understand any of the factors in getting married, ex: booking the venue, photographer, etc.  So now I think he realizes why I feel in more  of a rush.  But I have a feeling that he will just forget about our whole conversation in another couple of months….

And I know exactly how you feel about feeling like you are too ugly or boring.  The whole waiting process is hurting my self-esteem more than anything.  Not that I need him to give me that self-esteem.  But just the fact that EVERYONE I know who has been together a smaller time than us is already engaged/married.  And it makes me wonder what is wrong with me that my boyfriend still hasn’t felt that spark of wanting to get engaged.  Its turning me into a person that I don’t even like but I’m afraid the only solution will either to be engaged or take a break from being with my boyfriend so I don’t have to dwell on what is wrong with me…

Post # 9
Member
57 posts
Worker bee

@katydiddle: Yes!  I know how you feel.  Plus, one of the reasons that my bf doesn’t want to marry me yet is because of my lack of self-esteem.  But the first 3 years of our relationship I had great self-esteem.  It wasn’t until I realized that he wasn’t planning on marrying me anytime soon that all of this started.  Its a vicious cycle. 

How do you guys move past your insecurities?

Post # 10
Member
52 posts
Worker bee

@LittlePenguin:

holy crap! same thing happened to me. He told me that he thinks ive become insecure and he hates it when i say things about myself that aren’t positive and that he used to be attracted to my confidence.

I don’t want to say he’s responsible for all of my insecurities, but they certainly were a LOT smaller before I practically had to beg in tears for him to acknowledge what I want. Not to mention I’m an emotional eater…I’ve gained 27 pounds since I started “waiting”

Post # 13
Member
57 posts
Worker bee

@katydiddle:  I never even thought about that!  That would explain why I feel the need to put myself down in front of him!  That would be a good point to bring up to him to make me seem a little less crazy 🙂

Post # 14
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Why won’t he give you a time frame? Have you discussed when you want to be engaged/married by? Or have you decided that the engagement/wedding is happening, and he is just trying to add an element of surprise? If you haven’t figured out relative timelines, it’s really important that you both be on the same page.

Post # 15
Member
3375 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think a time frame would make you calmer, not more obsessed. Besides, a little obsession makes it fun!

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