- 5 years ago
- Wedding: November 2015
This is probably going to be fairly long, so I apologize in advance.
Today, started off on the wrong foot for me and my SO. I called him all happy because we were supposed to go look at a puppy today; he got mad at me because I ditched school so I got mad at him for getting mad at me. Stupid. So he gets to my house and is just being a grumpy gus and I’m in no mood to make him feel better because he pissed me off – this has literally never happened before in our entire relationship and I think maybe we were both PMSing or something.
Anyway, my SO and I were literally on our way to look at the puppies (the rescue was about an hour away) with the understanding that we were most likely going to get one. We stopped to get food discussing the fact that we both were being “diva-ish” – like the snicker’s commericials – because we were hungry. It helped. Then he started saying how much work puppies are and how maybe we should look at them tomorrow or Saturday. He kept saying stuff like that, so I asked him point blank if he wanted to get a puppy at all. He hemmed and hawed a little but finally came out and said that he didn’t think we needed the extra responsibility right now. At this point we were like 15 minutes away from the rescue. I got upset with him, not because he didn’t want to get a puppy, but BECAUSE HE WAITED UNTIL WE WERE ALMOST THERE TO SAY HE DIDN’T WANT ONE.
I asked him why he waited that long especially since I’d asked him repeatedly before if he wanted to get one and he said he did. He said that with the other girls he’s dated it’s always been about what they wanted, not what he wanted. I reminded him that I’ve NEVER been that way in the almost year and a half that we’ve been dating and that his happiness is extremely important to me. I never want to make a permanent decision about our lives (like get an animal, getting married, etc) without him being completely on board with it and vice versa.
Then, I was really quiet and withdrawn and started crying – I turned away hoping he wouldn’t notice/see, surprise surprise he did – and he asked what was wrong. I said now I’m worried about all the decisions I’ve pushed you to make or am pushing you to make, specifically buying my ring (and making payments) and moving in. I said how am I supposed to trust that you actually want(ed) to do those things if you never admit to what you really want (just fyi he hasn’t moved in, even though I want him to, obviously). He said those things are different. I said how? And he said because they are bigger/more important decisions.
It’s just hard for me because I am admittedly a control freak – SO knows this – and so many things in my life aren’t going to plan right now. My SO says I need to let go, and I know I do, but it’s easier said than done. It hurts me that I feel like he doesn’t want to move in; his reasons vary, but they include being farther away from his school (like literally about 10 minutes), not having a yard (I own a condo), and the fact that I have a roommate (he lives with his mom). It also hurts me that he hasn’t made a payment on my ring since January, it wasn’t that expensive and if he skipped one night out with his friends a week he could at least pay a $100 a month. But our priorities are different, obviously if it was up to me we’d be engaged already. He already tells some people we are, but we’re NOT.
I feel guilty for pushing him into things he’s not ready for, but then I get angry because I feel like what I want doesn’t matter as much as what he wants since “he’s the guy” and I feel like guys have the most power in these types of situations. I don’t know. I’m just confused. Please help me. Any advice (even if it’s telling me to shut my big mouth about things and let everything “happen naturally”) is welcome.