Post # 1
So I’ve known since the beginning that my fiance needs a lot of attention (she flat out told me so before she said yea to dating).
Well I will be moving about an hour away in 2 months. We will live apart for 2-3 months until she can come down. The other night we were talking about me moving and she said ” the only thing I’m worried about is that I will cheat on you.”
I was so taken aback I did not know how to respond. I knew she had cheated on past boyfriends back when “she had no serious commitment to them or intention to get married.” I accepted that, I dare say that’s common nowadays.
But that comment makes me think that I can’t trust her.
What do you all think? How would you handle this situation?
Post # 3
Personally I think if you cant trust someone then your realtionship will never move on. I couldnt be with someone I didnt trust.
Post # 4
Um, if my Fiance said that to me, trust would be shattered and the relationship basically over (if I can’t trust someone, I can’t be in a relationship with them).
Post # 5
How would I handle the situation? I’d leave her. Having the foresight to cheat means that she clearly does not have any respect for you.
Post # 6
@linearme88: Wow… while it’s good she is voicing her fears, it’s bad that at this point in your relationship she’s worried about cheating.
I’m not really sure how I’d handle that comment, I’d have a very hard time trusting someone not to cheat after they said something like that.
Have you ever spent any extended time apart? Or is this the first “separation” you will have had?
Part of me thinks it feels like she’s saying that so if it does happen she has an out, and can say that she told you she was worried about it before so you should accept it as ok. Personally I feel like that is complete BS. 2-3 months is not *that* long, and if your SO being away for 2-3 months mean you go to someone else for attention/sexual fulfillment then there is a large self-confidence issue there that needs to be worked on.
Post # 7
I agree and feel the same way as CaitMarae
Post # 8
An hour is really not that much. My DH and I lived 2 hours away from eachother for 2 years and saw eachother every weekend and often met halfway during the week for dates. If she starts feeling like she wants to “get it on”, driving 1 hours to your new place will take MUCH less time than going out and trying to find a random….
So what I”m saying is that she is having much deeper issues than just the distance. It sounds like an immature way of telling you she’s not sure about the relationship…
Post # 9
Great big red flag! Proximity shouldn’t be what stops a person from cheating. Love, respect, and commitment should be what stops a person from cheating.
I know it’s easier said than done, but I don’t think I could continue a relationship with someone who couldn’t promise to be faithful to me, no matter what.
My husband and I were in a long-distance relationship for almost four years. That kind of sentiment wouldn’t have worked, at all.
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. 🙁
Post # 10
Uh I’d leave. Period, end of story.
Post # 11
WOW. Seriously? My husband and I were long distance for 2 years and neither of us ever cheated. I think if wither of us had ever told the other that, our relationship would have been over. Long distance relationships take a serious amount of mutual trust and respect and if she can’t even trust herself to stay faithful for 2 months… that says a lot.
I’d book it QUICK in the other direction.
Post # 12
She’s making it sound like she’s not in control of whether she cheats on you. Sorry no, cheating doesn’t just happen, it’s something that she has to do/decide. If she’s not willing to be faithful for a short time period of being separated by a small distance, then she’s not committed to you.
Post # 13
Agree with the other posters. You’ll always wonder if she’s cheating now. And unless you guys want to be in an open relationship, I don’t think the thought of her cheating is going to strengthen your relationship.
Post # 14
I’m sorry you’re in this situation. But, please run. If she’s having these thoughts now, it’s unlikely they’ll go away after years of marriage.
Post # 15
How will you be able to trust her after she said that?
Post # 16
I’ve also been in LDR’s like other bees have said and I’ve never felt the urge to cheat on my SO because of the distance.
I agree with @KatNYC2011
that it’s possible since she’s had issues with cheating in the past she may just be looking for an out in case she screws up again – like she warned you so that absolves her of a lot of the blame. If she’s so concerned that she’s going to cheat on someone who she says she’s committed to more than guys in the past, then she needs to potentially seek counseling for this issue and why she feels the urge to seek out other men while she’s commited to someone.
Plus, 1 hr drive..I would barely classify that as LDR. DH and I dated between states, and my good friend is now engaged to someone who is living in a different country while he attends med school. Distance should never be used as an excuse or justification for cheating.
ETA: This is a huge red flag at any stage in a relationship, but it’s good that you’re able to see this now, as opposed to after years and years. I do think you should take this red flag seriously.